Am I doing the right things at the right time?

[Mario043]

My breakup was very recent. (1 week) I was on the receiving end, and as such am in considerable pain and difficulty. With that said, I am employing the following strategies and techniques..

 

I understand and accept the breakup, and I understand my part in it. Also, No contact means no contact.. I don't see the point of counting the days. That seems too obsessive. I've boxed up all of the gifts and emotional triggers. I don't fill my head with cliches like "soul mate," "one and only," etc. I hold no hope (at least consciously) of any reconciliation. (still working on that one) I try not to tell myself that I'll never meet anyone like her again.. Now, the controversial one.. I DO NOT allow myself to get nostalgic about the good times.. Through sheer will, and various NLP techniques I block these thoughts.. Also, I focus on how poorly I was treated in the last month before getting the wonderful news. Some say that wallowing in nostalgia will hurt you, while others employ the "In order to heal, you need to feel" approach.

 

I still feel a lot.. believe me. This hurts more than I ever thought it would.. I feel it physically and of course mentally.. But if I allow myself to get nostalgic, I will be debilitated.. I'm just hoping that I'm not suppressing things that will make things more difficult down the road..

 

Any thoughts?

[TOtoNY]

More often than not, people in relationships tend to put off some things that they would like to do as individuals, whether its picking up a new hobby, reconnecting with an old one, hanging out with friends that they don't see as much anymore, or even making new ones. One of the things that's helped me in the past has definitely been just going back to things I love doing when I've been single..although this did include a lot of partying, and perhaps to the detriment of my liver. Regardless of what it is, just try to be sure you're not at home wallowing away in self pity. Hit the gym, pick up some new video games, read more books, watch more movies, have a drink with some friends. I don't know how old you are or how serious the relationship was, but just take the time to enjoy being alone - as it can be pretty darn great.

[Mario043]

@Totony

 

The relationship was very serious to me, yes.. Which is why the breakup hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been reconnecting with old friends, and I have a full gym in the garage, but have been too burnt out to use it..

 

I try to keep the wallowing to a minimum, and I did buy myself an XBOX to pass the time..

 

I know what you're saying.. being single can be great, but I've yet to arrive at that spot..

 

Thanks for the input..

[TOtoNY]

Above all else, you have to keep telling yourself that it's going to be okay. She doesn't want to be with you, that's fine, in a way its a good thing that she ended things instead of stringing you along. It sucks getting dumped, but there is some beauty in the truth of getting dumped, if you get me.

 

Are you into reading at all? Have you tried dating websites? There's all sorts of women you can talk to online, and even in person. Talking about it helps, but you can't let it fester for too long...I know how destructive it can get, I've been through that.

 

Being single is the best time to discover yourself...so be sure to do yourself of the favor of that. Eventually you're going to have to man up and move on, and eventually over time you'll look back on all of this and just see it as a learning experience. Was she your first gf?

[Mario043]

She did string me along.. For a good month with the "I just need time" nonsense. That was beyond brutal.. I can respect what you're saying about the truth, but it still feels God awful right now.. I'm trying to move through it and keep my sanity and manhood intact, but at times it's an absolute struggle. I'm still a little miffed at the treatment I was given over the last month. Perhaps I will look at the lessons down the road, but right now, I can't see them.. I only see disappointment and sadness.. She was not my first girlfriend, but my first serious one. I thought my last, but things obviously didn't work out.

[KYRiverGrl]

Affirmations are good. The one I have been using is "I let got of ____ with love, and I clear myself of chains to the past to make way for new love to enter my life." That was from the loveisagame website..

 

One thing you need to remember, though, is that you can't bottle any emotions that will enevitably spring up. When that happens you do need release. The gym is a great way to do that, and a good cry will also do the trick (even though you're a guy ;-) ). Anything physical will release the emotional pressure. Find what makes you happy. You will eventually move on, you are well on your way

[Mario043]

@KYRiverGrl

 

Thanks for the advice.. I've spent a good amount of time crying, unfortunately (or fortunately) I would love to start exercising, but right now I feel too depleted.. Other than my daily brisk walk to the market, but that's not really exercise..

[hodgeheg]

Other than my daily brisk walk to the market, but that's not really exercise..

 

I've been counting walking as exercise

 

I feel that I'm in a similar position to you, I want to make sure that I'm doing things right now so that I can heal asap. I think you need to recognise that it may take some time to feel completely well again. I got bogged down in expecting to feel better already because I'd read all the website/some books and I was doing everything in order to get over this break up and then I realised that I don't need to feel "better" already but that "just different" or "not quite so bad" are fine too

[Mario043]

@hodgeheg

 

Absolutely.. That's a good way of looking at it.. As a progression.. As long as you feel you are getting better, and more importantly tell yourself you are getting better, you will gain a little confidence each day. The odd time there may be setbacks, but overall things are getting better.