Letting my ex know i am changed in my view on a lot of things

[charmed83]

Hi everyone, i got a lot of replies from people on this forum on my previous posts, so thank all very much!!

 

I still have a lot of doubts about my ex. I think my ex is only interested in friendship but i want him back, so i just want to have no contact. But i still feel like i have to write to let him know how i think about a lot of things. I am changed in my opions about some things, things that where a problem for him, like i was never really showing interest in his study philosophy. You see after 8 months time alone and realizing what happened in the last years i think i wasen't so interested cause i was busy with other things and cause i was thinking these books where to difficult for me anyway, it was somethng for him and no for me as i had other interests ( that we also shared)

 

But now i look back i feel so stupid cause it was ofcorse important to him that i coulden't talk and understand philosopic thoughs and idea's and i diden't do much for it to try to understand so i feel like i failed at that point and that was also a reason why he said that we coulden't share much.

 

He never really mentioned he coulden't share philosophy in particular but now he has a new girlsfriend who is very interested in this, so i think he was always searching for a partner who could share this with him.

 

Now recently i have been reading some books of philosophy and i wanted to let him know that i now understand his thoughts and idea's a lot better. I think i want to let him know cause i also hope that somehow he will maybe be interested in me again and it will get us closer , since he recently contacted me again after 10 months. asking me how i am doing and he's still thinking about the break up almost every day. He's with another girl but he also made big move to go to her country and he's only there for 3 months now, so i have my doubts if he only wants friendship or he's maybe testing the waters with me cause he's not sure about his new relationship.

 

So there are two things on my mind: Either i want to try to get him back, since he has shown interest in me and contacted me while i was never contacting him for 8 months and i have to show him interest and be open about a lot things in my life right now and show him i am changed on some parts.

 

Or i will not have friendship and contact cause i can't, and i will give up all hope for him ever coming back and then i will not send him an email that i am changed on some parts cause it will not be good for my healing etc to have contact when his intensions are only to have friendship.

[Furbys]

He has a girlfriend so i think the answer here is simple. Do not do anything to try get him back. He is with someone else and you need to respect that, you do not want to be seen as the person who split a couple up.

 

Telling him you have been reading into philosophy is only for your personal gain and this is not fair on him and his new gf, you are only doing this to try get him back. Personally in your situation i would stop the contact otherwise you are going to be tempted every day to do things to try 'win' him back. How would you feel if your boyfriends ex kept interfering and tried to win him back? You would be angry and you would feel disrespected so leave them two alone. If he wants to come back he will do this by his own choice. Do not interfere and stop contacting him.

[Eocsor]

He's with someone else now. time to move on. I think, from the way you sound, that trying to be friends would just hurt you more. Try and move on.

[mhowe]

He is not just involved in another relationship --- he has made the commitment to move to her country. It seems your new found interest in philosophy was not because he was interested in it, and you couldn't be bothered....it is because it is something they share.

 

Hopefully, your new reading interest has given you a means to look at life from different perspectives, and that you enjoy the process.

 

However, you need to let go of your ex, and move on with your life. He just checked in --- nothing more. He is not looking to "get back", and you --if you want to heal--- cannot be "just friends".