Advice please.. Do I let her go for my own good?

[Kevinzzz]

Hey All,

 

I would like to share my story, and ask you females for advice.

 

I am a 23 year old male, and I currently am or was with a 26 year old girl.

We have been in a really good relationship for 1.5 year, 2 weeks ago we ran into the first real argument ever.

 

Basically the issue was, I was in a lot of stress due to work - and I wasn't feeling support from her.

To think of it, I really never got any support from her with any of my issues.

I confronted her with this issue, she is the type to share all our issues no matter how small with her entire family.

I asked her with all respect to not do this, because I feel that we can work out small things our self's and its hard for people to understand it from a different point of view - and from my experience people always grudge while we worked it out ages ago.

 

Anyway - I confronted her with it, in a way she understood but got really upset about it. I thought I talked it out with her and everything was fine. Then a week later she goes out telling everyone about it. Her mother and sister started talking me in a way I just new she told them.

I confront her with it, she denies and I simply forget it in the end about it thinking I shouldn't be so paranoid. Later she admits she actually did lie to me. Trust is a HUGE thing to me because I have had a lot of issues with this in the past. At this point I snapped at her by yelling ranting and screaming - it was all verbal and I did not touch her with one finger. Yup I admit - I lost my temper. U know, I done everything for this girl and she never complained about anything, she and her entire family told me how she never had been any happier in her life.

 

Day later I calm. I explained her why I snapped, why I was so upset and why trust means so much to me. I even said - if you really must tell them everything, do not promise me anything at all. I am the type that can talk about anything and talk out anything, I don't grudge ever. Everything was fine and happy again and we reached the first issue in our relationship in 1.5 year. I even laughed about it because it was such a small thing to me.

 

But here it comes........ She also went to tell her family how I snapped. They go very much into detail about what I said while ranting and take it totally out of context. Honestly I do not even know what I said, I just blacked out. They now have a HUGE issue with me.

I tried to talk it out with them, but they refuse to face me, or even talk to me on the phone. I want to explain them why I lost my temper and why I said what I said and happened what happened. Turns out, they have no interest in talking to me at all. Now, the thing is - they are constantly nagging my girlfriend. I've talked everything out with her - then her family comes along, nags at her, and then she is gone. This is been going on and off for days. Every time we talk about it, we talk it out and we are fine. Then her mother or sister calls and she hates me again. This is exactly why I asked to keep small issues private, because they grudge forever.

 

I went to my therapist who I haven't seen in years, and I talked to an online therapist.

I told them exactly what I said here - leaving nothing out or acting in my defense. They both are the type to give honest judgement and not play in my favor. What they both basically said is the following lines:

 

you had a bit of blame in the beginning...but you are willing to admit you approached the issue a bit too aggressively. Her fault is in being unforgiving and unwilling to let the first bump in the road go past.

you can't maker her willing to do the work. And that is what a relationship is....a four letter word called work.

trying to hold up both ends isn't realistic. And you will just get hurt.

she knows that logically you should be able to work this out...but emotionally she is not there yet.

 

I am sorry you are hurting now....losing someone is hard. But do try to realize you did your best.

She is a six year old emotionally. Do you really want to live that way for the rest of your life?

You need a partner....not a child.

 

Basically what they made me realize, is that she is emotionally a child (while she is 26).

Then I started thinking why we never had issues.

She never says no (isn't as good as it sounds), she never stands up for her self, anything anyone says to her she believes.

I make all decisions in the relationship, while I always ask her what she wants or what she wants to do. She can't even decide on dinner

I do pretty much everything - in the end I actually feel like I am very alone.

 

Then it came to me.. I am more her father then her partner. This is what in the end everyone kept telling me.

Every time I talk to her she is fine. I asked her 3 basic questions and got the following answers.

 

Do you want to be with me? Yes

Are you happy with me? Yes

Do you reject me because your sister tells you to and you just want to please her? Yes

 

So basically I was having a relationship with her sister. Everything her sister tells her takes over everything. Now keep in mind her sister is an emotional wreck and hes been depressed for 10 years. My girlfriend actually agrees with me on that point.

 

So it come to this, she can't make decisions on her own, she can't think for herself or spare any thought for me for that matter.

Like I said, I can work anything out always but her sister refuses to even sit down with me and have a good talk (shes 10 years older) - all she does is flame me without even knowing anything about me.

 

I know I can fix this, I know I could easily go to her right now, take her in my arms, and carry her away like I always do - and she would be happier then ever. Thing is - this issue wouldn't change. This is such a small issue to me and they make it like its the end of the world.

I would still pretty much be single, I would still be taken for granted, I would still be lied to, I would still be doing everything.

I don't even want to start about how I got an insane panic attack out of this and fainted and ended up in the hospital. These issues are seriously hurting my health.

 

I honestly want to thank all of you for reading my story and would like to ask you if this girl is even worth it.

If you think I am bad and I was wrong, please do tell me as well.

In they end, everybody tells me I am dealing with a child and no matter what I do, its a recipe for disaster.

[Eocsor]

Only you know whether it's worth it or not. No one else can tell you that. People looking at it from the outside may say, sure dump her. But if you do will you regret it?

 

All I'd say is that if you are at the stage where you are asking a bunch of strangers whether to dump your girlfriend or not, well I'd say you've already made up your mind.