overcoming looks?

[thepain]

first off i feel very shallow but i can't help it. i met this guy who for sure likes me. finally someone who day and night texts and calls but i can see nothing more than being friends with him because i'm not attracted to the way he looks. he's just not good looking. i know i sound shallow but i really did try but i just don't want to look at him. or when i do try to look i cant' feel any attraction physically. i'm not even looking for good looking. he's not even cute and cute doen't have to be good looking if you get my point. i've had crushes on guys before that are not good looking. i can't even imagine him kissing me or anything physical. the thought of him liking me makes me a little sick. has anyone felt this way before? other than that he's pretty nice to me and is pretty successful but without physical attraction..

[Snowy]

Just because you don't find him attractive doesn't make you shallow lol. You don't have to date anyone if their looks aren't up to your standards. Shallowness is when you judge someone by only their exterior; it doesn't even have to be looks too.

 

What you should do now is to make this point to him nice and clear: you don't want to date him. That's it.

 

No need to waste each other's time.

 

He can choose between keeping you as a friend or not.

 

Go and find someone who's nice to you AND attractive by your standards.

[Rosee]

Yeah repulsion is not a go..anything else you can work with I think.

[PaintWithLight]

Quit trying to talk yourself into liking him. If it is a no-go then that is your choice. However, do not use him as a placeholder until someone more "cute" comes along. That would not be ethical or fair to him.

[sidehop]

Is this the same guy?

 

Or different one? Do you think perhaps there's a quality in him that you do find attractive and can't find in other men you've met so far? I wouldn't say you're shallow as we all have our preference.

[Flyingpiglet]

Do you know him as friends anyway or was the primary reason for meeting with him to date?

 

If the reason you met was with the sole intention of dating, if you don't feel the chemistry, then it's unlikely to happen I would say.

In that case, its better you tell him straight out that you are not interested in him like that. Even though I imagine its nice that someone is showing you some attention, don't unintentionally (or otherwise) lead him to believe that if he puts the time in, you might change your mind.

 

You both deserve to be with somebody who lights your fire so... You know what you've got to do!

 

I have got to know people in the past and have started a relationship with them after knowing them as friends, with no intention of romantic involvement, for a fair amout of time first. It's only when I look back now that I can't see why I ever found them physically attractive (does that make sense)? So there are exceptions, but if he already has romantic interest in you then that could blur the lines a little

 

If you have an established friendship anyway, or hope to make one. You must make it clear to the guy that friends is all it is, but be careful not to subconsciously flirt with him.

 

EDIT TO ADD... If it;s the same guy as in sidehops link... Then I really don't think he's the guy for you.

[Voguester]

I personally wouldn't be able to be romantically involved with a guy who I thought was really ugly and I didn't find attractive. It doesn't make you shallow, this guy just isn't your type so it's not to say that some other chick might find him adorable lol.