Spending habits

[Enigmatical]

I am frustrated because I feel like my boyfriend causes me to spend more money than I would on my own. I'm not quite sure that he does this intentionally or even realizes it, but I feel like I always end up spending more money than I am willing because he make suggestions.

 

For example, we get paid on the same day. I usually figure everything out in my head and figure "Ok I should have 40 extra dollars to get some groceries" and I like to pay rent and bills first and then whatever is left over goes to food and other needs. But he seems to want to do it the opposite. As soon as we get out paycheck, he suggests we go out to eat at some fast food place. We usually pay for our own food when we go out to eat. He gets irritated if I say I am not hungry or am trying to save money for some reason. So sometimes I will cave to avoid any conflict and I have to admit, sometimes it is hard to resist because I like fast food and restaurant food myself.

 

Another thing he does is that he asks me to pay for half of certain things he wants. If he has a few extra dollars for a video game or some new clothes, or some other purchase of desire... he'll ask me to pitch in...even if he can afford it all. He also asks me to help him pay for gas even though I don't drive and he says, "Well I take you places you want to go so I think you could help out" which I do understand, but he drives a gas guzzling Dodge Ram. And it just seems like I always end up paying over what I expect to pay and it's usually because he will talk me into it.

 

I hate to say it but sometimes I feel the need to hide or keep hush about any extra money that I receive somehow because once he knows I have more money, he's like, "Oh cool now we can go get that ___ that we wanted" or something like that.

 

He's always running out of money and groceries way faster than me and that's usually when he starts borrowing from me or friends. Yesterday he borrowed $10 from a friend for gas to put in his truck and he asked me to help pay it back the next time we get paid.

 

He's bak account is empty and he doesn't know I still have $50 but that is saved back to go to rent on the 1st. If he knew I had that 50, he would want us to get more food or gas for the truck, but if I spend that $50 before next paycheck...I won't be able to cover my entire rent portion if that makes sense.

 

I just don't know how to control my own money better.

[FathomFear]

How old are you guys? He like just needs a large dose of reality as far as money/budgeting goes. His approach is quite typical of younger people who are still living in the mode of instant-gratification and no forward outlook to saving for the future.

 

I used to be like that in my early 20s but I eventually grew out of it.

[Enigmatical]

Well now I am down to $40 until we get paid Friday...because he just asked me how much money I have...and I can't lie to him. I told him and he suggested we go to Taco Bell. I told him that I was trying to save it for rent and he was like, "All we need to pay is rent on the 1st so you should have enough to do whatever you want with it" expect I know a lot of it will go towards putting gas in the truck again.

 

It's like no matter how much I make, we always find a way to spend it all and run out before we get paid again and so there is always a few days where we are living off of ramen noodles or stuck taking the bus to work.

[RedDress]

I lived like this for a number of years.

 

From my perspective (and I guess it depends what you want out of life) - his requests aren't really that unreasonable. Lunch at Taco Bell on pay day. Gas for the car. A few odds and ends he wants. By North American standards, this is pretty normal. We aren't talking about him going out and spending hundreds or thousands on toys. We are talking about $10 here and there. What do you do when a birthday pops up? Or if the truck breaks down? Oil changes? Maintenance? There are tons of little things that happen ALL the time in life. $10 shouldn't break the bank. I think the problem isn't so much in the unreasonable-ness of his requests, but that either:

 

a) You are not making enough money OR

b) You are living above your means

 

Are you subscribing to a crazy cable package? Could you live in a cheaper apartment? What about cell phones?

 

In my opinion, an unexpected $10 should not mean the difference between being able to make the rent or not.

 

This is a pretty regular "student" gripe (which is why someone asked your age). It's also the thing that made me finally get my butt back to school - knowing I didn't want to live like that and that there was something I COULD do about it.

 

I don't think the problem is your boyfriend wanting to spend $10. I think the problem is a bigger overall budget issue.

[Enigmatical]

^ I agree. Honestly we aren't making enough money, I can tell you that right now. We are both making 400-500 each a month. Ive been putting in applications everywhere for either a full time job or a part time 2nd job. Its going to be tough for me personally next year time wise though because:

 

1. I am going to start back to school

2. I am a pageant title holder so I will have many obligations as Miss ___ , and being a beauty queen unfortunately, doesn't pay the bills. I am not allowed to be paid for my appearances, but I am preparing to compete for an International title next summer that has a nice prize package including cash and travel expenses paid...however, I won't have much time to work 2 part time jobs, be a college student, an activist, and be an International pageant queen all at the same time.

 

Edit: My boyfriend on the other hand, doesn't have as much going on. He's not in school and doesn't have any plans to go back. He used to work 50 hours a week at some factory and since he quit working so hard, he is slacking and says "I hate having to work my life away and Im not doing it anymore"...so he never seems to want to work more than 25-30 hours at his job and he says he doesnt mind being broke sometimes...even though he complains, he stills says having money is not worth working full time again.

 

He does plan on finding a job he likes better, but only after we move out of state. We live in the midwest in a crappy town with nothing going on. So hes waiting until we can move...but we cant move because 1. I am now under contract to stay in our state for another year because I am Miss (State). You know, I can't live in Colorado if I am Miss Ohio, right? The other reason is...we can't ever save enough money to move!

 

We have figured that it's going to take at least $5000 to move out of state, and have enough to live on for a month until we find jobs or something. But at this rate, I can't seem to save a measly $50 to save my life.

[agent1607307371]

Well now I am down to $40 until we get paid Friday...because he just asked me how much money I have...and I can't lie to him. I told him and he suggested we go to Taco Bell. I told him that I was trying to save it for rent and he was like, "All we need to pay is rent on the 1st so you should have enough to do whatever you want with it" expect I know a lot of it will go towards putting gas in the truck again.

 

I'm sorry OP, but you knew what you needed that money for. And while I get that you can't lie to him, you can tell him that the money is yours and is put aside for something more important than Taco Bell.

 

You can clearly see that the rent (due farther away) is more important than Taco Bell (now). But to your bf, the now is more important than the future. I would probably not expect to move anywhere with him as he is never going to have the money. Because there will always be a meal, or a movie or some other little thing that is more fun to have right now.

 

He is financially immature, but you're letting him influence your financial situtation. You need to start standing up for yourself (and your future. And credit rating).

[RedDress]

Wow, Enigmatical! You sound like a stellar girl! Working, going to school, beauty pagent winner... you have a bright, bright future ahead of you!

 

Your bf, on the other hand (no offense), sounds like a bit of a bum. If he "doesn't mind being broke sometimes" than he shouldn't mind when you say NO to lending him $10 or he can't do things he wants to do.

 

Really? That whole "not wanting to work full time" thing simply wouldn't be acceptable to me. If someone (ie: him) doesn't like their situation in life the answer isn't to dig your heels in and say "I'm not going to do it". The answer is to put your nose to the grindstone and change your circumstances.

 

He's using a bunch of excuses to be a bum. You are a beauty queen about to go to college. I'd just... not stand for that. Start saying NO.

[RedDress]

Actually, just thinking about this more... why don't you sit down with him and do a budget together? If you are bringing in a total of $1000/month - you should not be paying more than, say, $500/month in rent. What does that apartment look like? Maybe it's time to cut the cable too.

 

If he has made a decision to work less, he has also made a decision to live a lesser lifestyle. You guys need to scale back. What does that look like?

 

That's a little less confrontational... (but I still think you should start saying "No")

[Enigmatical]

Agent and RedDress (thanks for the compliments!), you both basically said similar things and you are right. I need to learn to start saying no and standing up for myself!

 

I admit that he is a bit of bum. He even admits it. He goes to work, but only enough to cover bills and food (barely). I honestly don't understand his logic either with the whole "I used to work every extra hour so Ive put my time in and now Im done" just doesn't matter. I sense he feels entitled to have all this extra time suddenly since he worked his ass off in previous years. Well that was 4 years ago too. He was kinda interested in being a bouncer at this bar our friend works at, but he decided not to apply since he found out he would have to work 6 nights a week. Its like, come on now. It's like, welcome to the rest of your life. Welcome to adulthood. You cant just get by working 20 hours a week.

 

I'm thinking the only way hes going to get off his butt more is if I do actually say no to him and he sees me being able to save some and spend extra money.. Im hoping he gets jealous enough to work decent hours again.

[agent1607307371]

"I used to work every extra hour so Ive put my time in and now Im done"

 

That logic sounds to me like the "going to mooch of my girlfriend is much easier than actually working for the things I want" logic. Or it's common name- selfishness.

 

Seriously, if he doesn't have the money for things, then he can't have them. When you give him the money out of your earnings, you're just taking away the things you need.