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Feel like I'm getting worse

witchychick

By witchychick
in Breaking Up Advice

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witchychick Rookie

witchychick

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My ex broke up with me about a month ago and any contact was pretty much initiated by me since then but I am trying to give him some space now. He said he needed time and didnt know how much,I dont know. But the longer I go without hearing from him,I feel like I'm getting worse and I wonder if I will ever even hear from him again.

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camus154 Mentor

camus154

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When people say they need time or space, they're lying. What they really need is an easy way out.

 

I suggest you take it as that and abandon any hope of getting back together again. I'm not saying this to be cruel but to be realistic. It will hurt more now accepting this but will pay off in the future, as opposed to maintaining hope and prolonging the road to acceptance and recovery. Good luck.

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StrwberryWine Contributor

StrwberryWine

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I know how you feel. Two months ago, my ex 'wanted space' but couldn't/wouldn't tell me that we definitely had no future. I really wanted him to say 'I will never get back together with you again' but he refused, saying 'I don't know what the future holds.'

I initiated contact every one or two weeks with a 'hi.' He always responded. I basically contacted him because I was terrified. Terrified that if I didn't say something I would never hear from him again. However, what is so bad about never hearing from him again? As much as I love this guy, our relationship was unhealthy. As much as I would love to hear from him, I know it is definitely for the best that I don't.

Instead, I am trying to focus on my own goals. It's not easy because my life is so complicated right now but I'm trying. I'm certainly busy! It doesn't mean I don't think about him but overall, it happens less and less. I'm trying to think of it this way: he no longer exists in the world at all. As if he's dead. Morbid, I know, and I don't want him dead but it's easiest to think that way right now. If he doesn't exist, I will never hear from him and I can't contact him. *hugs*

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Airbag Explorer

Airbag

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Posted
Feeling worse is perfectly normal. You may continue to feel worse for some time before you begin to feel better.

 

Have you seen the movie "Swingers"? I ask because that movie at least made me laugh a few times when I was going through my own painful break up. Hang in there.

 

Funny you brought up that movie. Saw it yesterday and made me feel somewhat better.

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Awoken Newbie

Awoken

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I feel your pain. I know this site is great for support and sometimes you don't get the support that you expected. My ex an I have been BU for almost 5 weeks. Lots of reasons why she left, put one is her leaving for someone else. We had NC for 2 weeks. I'd sent her a short email telling her I had realised many of my mistakes and would like to share what I had discovered. I said that I didn't want to push her further away and would give her time and space...NEVER heard back from her. So I waited 2 more weeks, was going to send her a 'congrautlations' card (she's finishing her degree in 2 days). Strangely the opportunity came up for me to give a card to her dad. Anyway, I was trying my best to pysch myself up about not getting any response from her. I did! Just basically said thank you and takecare. Very similar to what my card said.

 

I know it's hard for you to keep NC, It's killing me right now. All you want to do is see them and hear them, etc, etc. I am following a schedule that I have borrowed from the Al Turtle book of knowledge (you can find his site online). 10 emails/messages over a 5 month period. My card to her was the 2nd contact I have made over the past month. The whole idea behind it is to reconnect leading to reconciliation...it's not guaranteed of course but I am willing to try it.

 

In the mean time that 5 months will give me (which it has) time to work on myself. Hopefully this can help you a little?

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In the Dark Enthusiast

In the Dark

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Yeah don't buy in to the "I need space thing".

It's a lie.

 

Being dumped when you didn't want it to happen and being only one month down the track is a very short time.

Unfortunately emotions do not do what your mind wishes.....which is to stop hurting.

 

Once you are able to let go some how, you will start to feel better.

 

For me it was what my ex did.

Has it left scars?

Most definitely.

 

So once you feel a reason to let go of hope of getting this guy back, the next thing is to ride it out.

 

Hang in there.

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BlueRose66 Contributor

BlueRose66

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I disagree that saying "I need space" is always an easy out because I said it to my ex. It was she who couldnt hang with that, not me. I needed to step back from the relationship and see what was happening between us because we had an unhealthy pattern and I couldnt discern it being in the midst of it.

 

That was last Summer, and now its been almost 6 months. I would LOVE to see her and talk, but she wouldn/won't meet with me. I was able to figure out what was going on and what would need to happen for it to be healthy. My ex, however, is unwilling to do what it takes to be with me.

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witchychick Rookie

witchychick

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I know that someone saying they need time or space isn't always a lie. And you're living proof of that,BlueRose but I am sorry she wont see you. I hope that changes sometime. I was with someone for 9 years before{not my last relationship},and I wondered if I wanted to be with him after awhile and kept getting feelings for other people,but it wasnt that I didnt want to be with him anymore,I didnt know. He made the decision for us,though but we are more than over it now,it's been a long time.

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