flyerfan6656 Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 so two days ago i finally had it with my ex..we have been broken up for like 8 months, and i didnt wanna be strung along anymore, so i txted her and pretty much told her that. She goes, well fine, come get your stuff, im like no..throw it all away, i dont want it anymore.... she says no... so yesterday she txts me and shes like..do u wanna come get your stuff back, i call her...we talk for about an hour, and she tells me how she really feels, and i tell her how i really feel.... she claims that i dont kno what i want, because everytime she wants to be my friend, i always end up saying i cant be your friend... ok...so this is what i want vs. what she wants......... What i want i would wanna be her friend, i would be willing to take baby steps, and see what could happen, but i would want to be the ONLY guy that shes dedicated to, as in shes single, but shes talking to someone, that someone is me...i feel that if we are gonna see if things can work out, then i wanna only focus on me and her... it shouldnt be a competition...thats the way i see it......... What she wants she wants to be my friend, take things slow, BUT have her mind open to other things...meaning that shes not looking for a relationship, but if some guy comes along, then w.e happens happens....... i told her that i couldnt do that, because i could end up getting hurt that way..... i told her that i would give her a couple of days to think about what she wants, and when that day comes..we will go from there...... she tells me that she doesnt wanna lose me, and she cant see her moving on with anybody, because she always thinks of me......... so you guys be the judge..am i being selfish?..... Link to comment
Eocsor Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 You don't want to be her friend, you want to be her boyfriend. What you say you want and what you actually want are two different things. You can't be friends with someone you still have romantic feelings for. If she wants to explore other relationships it's time to cut her off. You're in limbo right now. You don't have a romantic relationship or a friendship. You don't want the friendship so if she doesn't chose to see if you two work as a couple it's time to move on. And thats not selfish, thats survival. Link to comment
flyerfan6656 Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 You don't want to be her friend, you want to be her boyfriend. What you say you want and what you actually want are two different things. You can't be friends with someone you still have romantic feelings for. If she wants to explore other relationships it's time to cut her off. You're in limbo right now. You don't have a romantic relationship or a friendship. You don't want the friendship so if she doesn't chose to see if you two work as a couple it's time to move on. And thats not selfish, thats survival. thanks..thats how i feel...im not being selfish, and your right..at the end of the day..i wanna get back together with her, but before you walk, you gotta crawl, thats y i would be willing to take things slow, and be cool with her Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 OOoo wow... dude, i would have FLIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPED HAAAAAAARD if some girl told me that. I would have hung up the phone laughing. This is why i tell people to watch their back with these situations. People tell me I am harsh when I say "YOU ARE AN OPTION", but they dont realize that when its over, their ex is not commited anymore. We are back on day 1, no commitment, no past, no obligations, no promises... just like when you first met.. EXCEPT.. you have this feeling you werent good enough... you were kicked out of your bf role. This is why you have to heal, to deal with this. You need to get into her mode.. and thats, YOU... NEED... TO... ATTRACT ME... ALL.... OVER... AGAIN. You cant get like this until you vanish, and slowly get her power over you to die. You need to heal, to kill off her attraction and love that you have for her. So you can approach this stronger, confident, and not weak and desperate. You need to go back to day 1... not day 800 or whatever. Except this time... its not easy to go back to day 1 for us. It still hurts, we were still rejected, we were still told (in nice carefully placed words) that we werent good enough. Also, someone will be pulling her, if not already. She keeps her options open because she knows she can... so you have to expect it. And it hard to get the edge with someone fresh if you didnt give them time to miss you, you will be just calming her loniliness, and feeding her a bit of you, like the way a druggie takes methadone in small doses to get rid of the addiction. Link to comment
flyerfan6656 Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 so thor.. you think i should just dip (leave) w.e happens in the future happens in the future, or if she txts me and that she is willing to be cool with me, and forget about other guys just to see if her and i could work out, then i accept that? Link to comment
XxJustMexX Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 I'm a girl and I can tell you it looks like she wants her cake and eat it too. (I personally hate that saying, it's lame and doesn't even make sense... but you get the point...) Geez I hate girls like this. It makes the rest of us look bad. If she didn't want to be with you she shouldn't string you along. I hate that. Want a girl's advice...? Tell her you can't be friends with her unless she's willing to work on your relationship. Simple as that. No ifs ands or buts. Stop calling her. Stop entertaining her girly wishy washy moods. And just ignore the hell out of her. You wanna know how to get a girl back? THAT'S how. Sorry girls, I'm giving away our secrets. She's keeping you there for her own ego and she wants to make sure she has a fallback. I personally wouldn't even get back with her for even having a characteristic like that, but heck, if you want her, I can almost guarantee ignoring her will do the trick... Had to edit this.... I don't mean for you to be mean or anything. I just mean, live your life, forget about her, go out, have fun without her... Act and be single! Nothing irks an ex more than seeing the person that they left having fun without them... UNLESS they're truly over you. And if she is, then I'm sure it's in your best interest to start getting over her anyway right? Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 so thor.. you think i should just dip (leave) w.e happens in the future happens in the future, or if she txts me and that she is willing to be cool with me, and forget about other guys just to see if her and i could work out, then i accept that? She is on serious selfish mode right now, shes allowed to be because... shes single. You arent a priority anymore. I dont know the extent of your situation though, I would leave, its a headache, and its not easy to re-attract if you have been hanging on for 8 months. Thats why you leave, and hopefully the stank of whatever pushed her away rubs off, and you can come back to attract, if events were to align themselves in your favor, then maybe something can spark. I honestly dont know if you can at this time, you have been single-guy-friend for her for 8 months. That made things difficult, since she might already pass her feelings. If you are strong enough, then friend her, and dont care. Just be really careless and confident, dont pay too much attention to her, that doesnt bring attraction. You gave her enough attention when you were together, that did nothing. Slowly lower the frequency of contact, and dont be so interested in her, and date someone else. You have nothing right now, you are not in as a good as a position as she makes it out to be. Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 she claims that i dont kno what i want, because everytime she wants to be my friend, i always end up saying i cant be your friend... You are correct. At least, not until the romantic feelings have gone. Just like Eocsor said, you either work together as a couple, or break up and move on. If you want to spin it slightly differently, you're not being selfish, you're actually respecting her wish to not have a relationship. And yes, if you've been her friend for the past 8 months, your presence has continued to remind her of whatever reasons she had for breaking up in the first place. Link to comment
flyerfan6656 Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 Want a girl's advice...? Tell her you can't be friends with her unless she's willing to work on your relationship. Simple as that. No ifs ands or buts. Stop calling her. Stop entertaining her girly wishy washy moods. And just ignore the hell out of her. You wanna know how to get a girl back? THAT'S how. Sorry girls, I'm giving away our secrets. She's keeping you there for her own ego and she wants to make sure she has a fallback. I personally wouldn't even get back with her for even having a characteristic like that, but heck, if you want her, I can almost guarantee ignoring her will do the trick... yea, thats what i told her on the phone last nite..i told her that if she wants to take baby steps, im cool with that, but if we are gonna focus on us..lets just focus on US, or if she wants to see whats out there, that fine to, but I WILL NOT BE IN THE PICTURE... i told her to think about it for a couple of days, and give me and answer..she said ok... ended the convo wit..i love you..i love you too..... Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Sorry dude, but if she needs a few days to mull it over, she isn't ready, willing or wanting to change her mind. She's gonna come back at you with more of the same.....you need to make yourself scarce. Link to comment
flyerfan6656 Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 Sorry dude, but if she needs a few days to mull it over, she isn't ready, willing or wanting to change her mind. She's gonna come back at you with more of the same.....you need to make yourself scarce. ima just wait to see what she has to say..if she comes back with the same Bull S%$t then im gone. Link to comment
XxJustMexX Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 yea, thats what i told her on the phone last nite..i told her that if she wants to take baby steps, im cool with that, but if we are gonna focus on us..lets just focus on US, or if she wants to see whats out there, that fine to, but I WILL NOT BE IN THE PICTURE... i told her to think about it for a couple of days, and give me and answer..she said ok... ended the convo wit..i love you..i love you too..... I know this is probably just me thinking in black and white but I don't believe someone who truly loves someone would need a few days to think about it. Love is a pretty strong feeling and it's commonly thrown out there nonchalantly when in fact it's not really love they're feeling. I don't believe for one second if you truly loved someone that you would want to be apart from them, let alone be broken up with them. Love means working things out during times of good AND bad, and there shouldn't be any "thinking about it" involved. If someone has to think about it, then I don't believe that person loves you... at least not as much as you love them. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Stop letting this little girl's model of reality define yours. Be objective and stand up for yourself. Link to comment
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