Hard to let go of my cheating ex-boyfriend

[Intricate30]

I know people are going to say it should be easy after what I share but it just has been very difficult for me.

 

I was with my ex for 8 years. The first three months we dated his ex girlfriend called me and said she was sleeping with him. I should have left but I did not. The cheating never stopped. He had a three some while we were together and everything. He put me down a lot to the point his mom used to tell me that she didn't know where he learned that from because she didn't raise him like that. The last straw was when I was living with him and found out he was going to leave me for someone else. He made a pros and cons list between me and this woman and decided to stay with me. He even didn't come home one night because he was with this woman.

 

I am not going to lie we still talk and he says that he will do anything to make it work. It took so much for me to leave and I have my moments. We have been broken up for about 8 months. It should be easy but I am having so much trouble with this break up and I don't know what to do anymore. Any suggestions?

[volvic1]

Im sorry to hear all this, but god you need to RUN while your out!!! You deserve so much better than this!! ANYONE deserves better than this!

[Flyingpiglet]

You're making it more difficult to move on by staying in contact.

The best thing would be to sever all ties and communications with him. then and only then will you be free to begin the healing process!

Write down all the reasons you left in the first place and keep them close! Look at it whenever you doubt your decision to leave.

It will be tough, but worth it!

[73401]

you need to use NO CONTACT and get rid of this creep. you are better than this and once you are away, you will be able to look back and see how sick and twisted this whole thing is. never mind what he might be dragging back to you in the form of disease, etc. LEAVE and have NO CONTACT

[Survivallady]

I have a pretty good idea how you feel. My boyfriend has threatened that he will sleep with someone immediately after we break up. Granted I'm not in the same position you are currently (at least not that I know of), but the thoughts and images are still there. He is mean and emotioanlly abusive, but I can't seem to let go. Reading what you wrote, it is so easy being an outsider, to say let go of him. Look how he treated you, but I also know being in this kind of relationship, it is very hard to let go. While I can't offer advice, I can offer support and maybe we can comiserate I know what its like to cling to someone who is all wrong for you. Could you tell me how you got past the images?

[OrangeMoon]

No contact and a good counsellor..

[winniethepooh]

It should be easy but I am having so much trouble with this break up and I don't know what to do anymore. Any suggestions?

You're having trouble because you're still in contact with him, and because him saying he wants to make it work is making you feel guilty for leaving him.

 

You had good reasons to leave him, and those behavior patterns he's showing don't sound like things that could change in a matter of months, if ever.

 

Do you want to try again? Or do you want to just get over it and move on? If the latter, then leave him alone, and tell him to leave you alone. Or perhaps tell him to show he has respect for you by leaving you alone.

 

If you want to try again, that's a whole other can of worms. Bleah, I wouldn't really like to open that one

[KYRiverGrl]

No contact period. You deserve way better.

[Intricate30]

@Survivallady

 

I never got over the images actually. I had to force myself to erase them from my mind because the only person I was hurting was myself. They haven't gone away yet but they aren't as vivid as they used to be. I also know about mental and emotional abuse. When my ex decided to "shape up" I would tell him what he put me through and his response was always I would never say that to you. It was so bad people thought that he was putting his hands on me because I was just taking all the cheating he did.

 

I can't offer advice but what I can say is those images you have in your mind try to make them into faded pictures because it only makes the pain worse. Hope it helps at least a little bit

[Intricate30]

I want to thank all of you for your support and continued support. I feel like I am going to need some counseling after this relationship because it really has broken me down and was toxic. but I am glad I found this forum as well

[Daev]

As everyone has already said, you need to go NO CONTACT. You have gone 8 months, and yes you mail feel like you are struggling - but 8 months is a long time and you have probably come a lot further than you realise.

HOW DARE someone make a pro and con list about you! It's utterly outrageous!!!

 

 

PS Flyingpiglet, I love your signiture

[wheelerdealer]

Wow please dont talk to this guy anymore... Counseling sounds like a great choice and will help you during initial no contact. Also to continue the no contact while you heal. It must be awful to have all that going through your head Best of luck and remember it will all fade and you will get better!

[toby17]

@intimate

 

I don't think you're doing badly. It was an 8 year relationship and it's only been 8 months. The attachment to another person doesn't go away just because it should or you because your ex was worse than my ex.

But at the end if the day, this guy will only bring you more misery. Fight the urge to contact him, reply to him or go back to him.

I urge you to go and see a counselor. You need the support, and you should discuss what personal issues made you stay in that relationship.

 

@survival

 

Don't try to stop the images, that's why they keep coming back.

Trying going into a quiet room, where you won't be disturbed. Close your eyes and think about your bf with every girl you worry about, doing every act you worry about. I think you'll find after that, the thought of him being with someone else won't have so much power over you.