Long story, ex gf and her kids

[bourneid]

Hi everyone, this is my first post on the forumn but I have posted on others. Bit of a long one so you guys and gals can get the full extent of my story.

 

In April my ex broke up with me, she said it felt wrong and she wasn’t happy anymore, it was a major shock and came out of the blue at the time to me. We had some arguments but I thought they was sorted and we had moved on and was in a good place. I will do a bullet point style list of what has happened since and where I am now and why I have come back to online forumns for help.

 

1. Relationship ends in April

2. 1 week no contact, I then send a volley of text messages begging and pleading with no affect on her decision

3. 3 weeks later I bump into her in a shop with her 9 year old son, her son grabs me and is crying saying he misses me which sets me off crying and I tell my ex I love her and miss her, she tells me she has some easter eggs from her family for my son and we arrange to meet at her house a few days later.

4. We meet up and spend time together with the kids and I breakdown again crying, begging and pleading, I leave after 3 hours talking.

5. The same night I go out and get drunk and see her in a nightclub, it absolutely crushes me seeing how hot she looks and that am not part of her life anymore, several hours later I turn up at her house (3am) wasted, I beg and plead again, she tells me to leave her alone and to never talk to her again.

6. 3 weeks after "drunken gate" I text saying sorry and she replies saying she doesn’t hate me and forgives me and it would be nice if we could stay friends as her kids enjoyed seeing me at easter and miss being together.

7. I ring her up and we catch up and I ask when I can next see her and the kids and she said she is busy for a while but will let me know.

8. That was the last contact I had with her which was at the end of May.

9. I Sent the kids birthday cards in july and got a text reply back a week later from my ex's daughter

 

 

Ok, so from about end of May till the present date i have been 100% no contact with my ex apart from sending birthday cards in the post to the kids. In that time i have gone through a phase of depression and seen a counsellor, i am ok now, not great but alot better than what i was when i got dumped and the following months after. I do not want to bump into my ex, add her on fb, text, email or anything, i still dont feel i am over her 100%, i dont think i want her back anymore either and i am looking forward rather than back. BUT>>> Something happened on halloween night that has set me back a bit, her son who i grew a special bond with sent me a friend request on facebook. He is autistic, i felt quite proud that my ex said that i am the only person she has trusted to leave him with(bf wise)and we talked at one point of me possibly adopting him one day if we got married, his real father did a runner when my ex was pregnant and he has never had a father figure in his life. I wasnt sure i should accept at first and was tempted to speak to his mother first but i presumed she must of ok'd it. I accepted and over a space of a week we chatted a bit about computer games and films etc, i never brought up anything about the past and didnt ask any questions about his mother. A week later it was my 30th and i sort of built up a little hope that i might get a happy birthday text from my ex or the kids at least but i got nothing and now my ex's sons facebook account has been deactivated.

 

I really want to move on! I do miss my ex and i miss her children, i started to move on and accept that she was never going to get back in touch with me and i wouldnt be seeing her or the kids again. But then i have a weeks contact with her son and its left me feeling all confused again. After her son added me on facebook i decided to add her daughter to be fair so i still have her on facebook at the moment. It would be nice to have a little catch up with my ex but i dont want to be rejected again even as a friend. If it wasnt for the kids things would be so much easier. I was at a point where i thought i wouldnt speak to them again as its not fair and i want her to be happy and someone else has to take my old role on as the stepdad figure and it wouldnt be right for me to be always in the background but my ex's son contacted me and it was nice to be remembered by him especially with him being autistic and not really capeable of making emotional bonds with people.

 

The questions i have are

 

1. Did my ex really actually forgive me?

2. Why didnt she ever get in touch when she said SHE wanted too

3. Does she want me to be in contact with her kids

4. Did she know her son added me on facebook?

5. Why has his account been deactivated?

 

Unitll recent events i had drawn a line and told myself to move on and forget about questions 1,2 and 3 but since her son added me on facebook its just got me wondering about everything all over again

[abitbroken]

How long did you date? If you were with her 10 years, I think contact with the kids was appropriate if they initiated it, but if you dated a few months, then losing the family is what happens when you break up. I lost an aunt and uncle of my ex's that I was very fond of, but I couldn't stay in touch with them because of the break up. I think that you should not initiate contact of any kind. She has very clearly drawn a line in the sand. I think it would have been better if there was a better transition for the kids, but its in the past.

 

It could be very possible she found out he was talking to you and didn't know who contacted who so ended it. If she is trying to move on, it would be hard for her and the kids if you were in contact unless, like I say, you were a true father figure for years. This is basically why I caution people to not let the kids in the relationship too soon and in measured doses at first.

 

Anyway, I am really sorry you went through this, but unfortunately I can't really offer anything about your ex contacting you or wanting you back.

[bourneid]

Thank you for your reply, we was together just over a year. I had come to the conclusion she had drawn a line in the sand and i was beggining to accept that until her son contacted me. My ex's daughter is good friends with my neice so i could maybe fish for answers as to why his account got deactivated but i dont really want to get her involved with my dilemmas, either way i still dont think its a good idea for me to be in touch with my ex's son as its not helping anyone move on to make fresh and new starts/relationships. Its just hard to leave it after having contact with him again. I lost 3 people when the relationship ended and could of never anticipated the feelings and emotions i have gone through since it ended

[abitbroken]

Thank you for your reply, we was together just over a year. I had come to the conclusion she had drawn a line in the sand and i was beggining to accept that until her son contacted me. My ex's daughter is good friends with my neice so i could maybe fish for answers as to why his account got deactivated but i dont really want to get her involved with my dilemmas, either way i still dont think its a good idea for me to be in touch with my ex's son as its not helping anyone move on to make fresh and new starts/relationships. Its just hard to leave it after having contact with him again. I lost 3 people when the relationship ended and could of never anticipated the feelings and emotions i have gone through since it ended

 

No, no, don't "fish." just let it be.