Krytical Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 So I'm someone who hasn't had a lot of relationships compared to my friends at least.... I've never been the typical guy just out for sex... I fall in Love... my problem seems to be... that I fall in Love or at least believe I do, rather quickly... The problem that I am running into is that I meet a fantastically wonderful girl, and we start hanging out, getting to know each other, and everythings going great... and then out of nowhere, she starts acting odd for one reason or another, one situation comes up, and suddenly the girl is being pushed away, and its because I'm too intense.... the most recent example I can give... is I met this girl, she's in college, 21, and just out of a relationship, I'm 24 we met, and started talking and hit it off, started talking on Facebook, and then I started going out to see her on the weekends, she lives about 50 minutes away... Talking constantly, everything going great, she considers us to be like "twin souls" because we are so alike, and everything seems perfect.... One weekend we plan on going to a part and then afterwords She is going to come back with me to around where I live, because coincidentally her family lives in the town I live in... Well, the day before said party, she barley messages me at all, when she does, its short stuff about how the weather is bad, and then doesn't respond to my texts, so I still head out for the party, I was planning on going with or without her.... finally she messages me letting me know she isn't feeling well, and the weather is bad, so she thinks she should stay home... so I let her know I hope she feels better, and that I'll let her know how the party is, that I'm still going... and everything seemed ok... A little background, we both are into spiritual awareness and lots of "feelings" so I had let her know that I had been feeling somewhat "disconnected" from her that day, and she replied saying she felt the same way... I said it probably had nothing to do with us, and was probably just a feeling, and then things went kinda south... replied saying "its really upsetting to hear. =( maybe its because Christina is back in your life and you guys should give things another go... I would understand no worries, it was a weird situation maybe things are meant to work out" Now let me explain that Christina is someone who I had been seeing for a few weeks before I met Anna, who is completely crazy and who was on many drugs, and who was actually pretty bad to me, and was definitely not "back in my life" so for her to say this really threw me off... however, me and this girl Anna, are not TOGETHER, but things did get somewhat intimate both physically and emotionally... so my response to this message was "wth? *so and so* is NOT back in my life... Anna, you can be honest with me if your just not feeling it, I like you more than I'm going to say, but remember I want you to be happy as you can be with or without me, but me honest with me is all that I ask..." "your not going to break my heart unless you lie to me... that much I promise" To which she replied, "Where is this coming from? what are you referring to? we talked about things and decided to be together in time when we are both ready to be in a relationship, what changed?" I said nothing changed, and it must be a text miscommunication... So for me, I'm ok with not being with her, with her being with other guys, or anything I just want to have her in my life, I want us to be friends at least... but honestly I want SO much more... I mean things between me and her have been magical... She says I was putting too much pressure on her, and it weirded her out, now she barley responds to me, makes no efforts to contact me first, and she wants me to back off, and says she doesn't want to be emotionally dependent or have someone emotionally dependent on her.... yet, she still responds to my messages, and says that she's willing to talk and hang out and whatnot, and that she does want to remain freinds... I'm just trying to figure out my issue, because this is the third girl that I've pushed away simply by liking them too much... but I am not dependent on these feelings, or the girls, or anything, but it is what I want... so how do I make it less "intense" properly? I mean now she has a new facebook profile picture, with her and another guy half hugging at a drum circle, one comment is to the guy, saying "you go through women too fast" like I said, it doesn't bother me if she is happy with someone else, but I don't know how she expects me to be... were making plans, and practically soul mates one day, and the next its back off its too intense and too much pressure... I'm just confused... Link to comment
BeMyEscape Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 My advice is try to let Anna miss you. Try not texting her or calling her for a week to two weeks. Myabe she'll talk to you first, or after you give her a little space try to text her again. She may just need some space. If that doesn't work there are always plenty more girls out there looking for a great guy like you. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 This is pathetic. I know that's harsh and I'm not trying to be mean, but honestly, this is really pathetic. I don't believe for a minute you are ok not being with her. You've got a crush and you want to have an exclusive relationship with her - that I think is the truth. She obviously does not want the same thing - you gotta move on man. There are very, very few 21 year old girls who are good relationship material. If that's what you're looking for, I'd look a little older than yourself, most girls have transitioned into adulthood by their late 20's and are much much easier to get along with. Link to comment
nickgee667 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I don't know man... Go slower, it can scare some women if they've been in relationships, serious ones, because their success rate has been 0% (obviously). so they may associate strong feelings with the possibility of things going wrong and feeling heart break again... She also sounds a bit jealous, had you been talking to whoever was "back in your life"? Women have odd ways of expressing if they are jealous or insecure, and that sounds like what it might be. And if this is the case, she is afraid you are like 90% of guys who are just out to get laid... she might be trying to prevent herself from getting hurt... I have the same problem sometime, but its us guys that shouldn't be judged based on others. I wish you the best of luck, and just remember, if she chooses to not further your relationship, there are plenty other good girls who would love to have a guy like you. Chin up! Link to comment
Krytical Posted November 15, 2011 Author Share Posted November 15, 2011 Hmm, thank you for the replies, Space it is, just needed that reminder... Pl3asehelp, I actually appreciate your honesty but would like to know why you doubt that I'm ok not being with her? I'm someone who yes, would love to be in an exclusive relationship with her, but at the same time i feel like I've already fallen in Love with this girl, and people doubt that, but I tend to fall for the right girl pretty quick, and this one I know I would do anything for... And I honestly want her to be happy, the night I was supposed to go hang out with her for the full moon and participate in a drum circle, she was still too "uncomfortable" with things for me to go out there I guess... I didn't want to make a big deal at this point, but now she has a picture on facebook with her hugging another guy, as her main pic... I'm perfectly aware that it could all be BS and she could be just stringing me along... But I like her enough to where I don't care... If you honestly love someone, it's with or without you in the picture... That's why I may seem like its so intense or important to me... But I'm gonna back off, give her space, and hopefully things work out in time. My mind tends to dwell on stuff, I can't stop thinking about it then I have to either talk to someone or post here.. Thanks for replying and helping me sort through this Link to comment
Krytical Posted November 15, 2011 Author Share Posted November 15, 2011 And see? now its a non issue, she told me she does have feelings for the guy on her facebook, were staying friends, it was just bad timing, and things may work out in the future.... sometimes you really can't do much in a situation, the way I look at this one, I was single before I met her, I can be fine single afterwords, so the only question left is, Can I be her friend with her being with another guy? and honestly I can... and I'm happy for her... he goes to her school, he can be around her and experience so much more with her.... for THEM its perfect timing.... my time with her may still come, but I'm gonna keep open and do my thing, and whatever happens happens.... but I'd rather have her in my life as a friend, than not have her in my life at all... I'm not the typical dude slave to the physical... You must be understanding that life doesn't work out the way everyone wants it to all the time... doesn't mean the feelings are gone... it just means the situation wasn't right.... I think a lot of people on this forum would like this link removed Link to comment
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