scu22h Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I know time heals the heart. We were together for 3 years and engaged. I'm proud of myself for getting this far after the breakup. I can finally say i'm okay with being on my own. I have started dating again but things seem to fall fast. The men are into me right away but I can't connect. I give the relationship a shot but the few guys I have dated seem to ask me whats wrong. I'm looking for that connection I had with my ex fiance on the first day I met him. I can't settle for less even though I have been fooling myself. All I want is to get out of this hole. Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 If you're still hurting from the BU, then you really shouldn't be looking to date other guys just yet! It can sometimes feel like the only way to completely 'get over' an ex, is to replace them, for most people, this is not the reality. If you try to force the issue you run the risk of setting yourself back, not to mention the possibilty of hurting someone else in the process! Take more time, there isn't a time limit on the healing process. Link to comment
utopie Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Hi Scu22h. It's perfectly normal for you to not be over him completely (I can relate: my ex broke up with me 2 months ago after 3 years). You've been together for 3 years AND you were engaged. Just take it easy, don't put pressure on yourself on the first date. I understand that you want a connection with them but do you really want the same thing you had with your ex? I don't know your story but it left you broken so maybe you should try something new. It's not because you don't have a connection on the first date (which are awkward usually) that you cannot develop a very strong one later on. Keep going strong girl! Link to comment
bri427 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 i have this issue as well and im almost (come this january) 2 years into my breakup, longer than we were together (1.5 years). i find it hard to date still sometimes because i dont have that "butterfly feeling" and get excited like i did with the ex but then i look back and realize well i was younger then. dating is different as you get older. you got to re-evaluate what you want and how to approach the dating scene again. slowly but surely it will get there and some guy will change all this. juts takes some time to get use to it. find out who YOU are first and the rest shall follow im sure. Link to comment
BlueRose66 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Honestly, 10 months isnt really that long if you loved someone deeply. Just give it more time and get out and make new friends and do some fun and exciting things. I think you will know when you are ready. It may not be for another year???? Take care! Link to comment
dobbin Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 dont rush into dating other people. if you are comparing them to your ex you shouldnt be dating. take time to get over your ex, be happy with yourself and let the guys come chase you naturally. if you are not feeling them dont go on a date with them. i plan to be single by myself for at least a year after a 6.5 yr RL. cant trust guys anymore. Link to comment
scu22h Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 Thank you everyone... it's nice to know I'm not the only one trying to get back into a normal day of life. Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Absolutely agree with all the advice here. You still have plenty of time to heal, if you haven't already and 10 months isn't that long You just have to patient and not try to rush into dating so quickly. If you have worked on you over the past few months then great. Just don't feel like you HAVE TO date right now. You have done well to last this long by yourself I am sure when you are ready you will feel more comfortable dating again. Good luck my friend. Link to comment
pebbles111 Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 You will get through it. I was with someone for 7 years. It took 2 years to feel closer to normal again. It's something you never forget, and a valuable lesson. But I assure you the pain absolutely subsides. I feel no hurt now - and I believe I am pretty normal. When I think of him, which isn't often, I just feel a private, special feeling for him, all my own. Just love, thanks and gladness. Just take it slow. Perhaps try to identify one or two small things that you enjoy doing - that are just for you - that you liked way before you met, but maybe didn't spend much time doing when you were together. Link to comment
nestorZ Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 I'm looking for that connection I had with my ex fiance on the first day I met him. I can't settle for less even though I have been fooling myself. I don't think you should be doing this. Every relationship has a different "spark", I've never had two relationships start with exactly the same feelings. It's great that you're able to live normally (more or less) and you should just keep going and try to think about the ex less and less. Good things will happen to you with time, until then you just have to make your self as happy as possible. Link to comment
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