Broke up due to university

[allamo]

Hi all, just thought I'd post my thoughts on here.

Basically about 2 weeks ago I split up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I started university in september and we both agreed that we would make the effort to see eachother and said that we would be fine. I only moved about an hours drive and a 45 min train journey away so it was a journey which could easily be done in a day and still have enough time to see eachother and for the 2 sets of 2 days which we saw eachother everything was great and we were absolutely fine. However a week after I went home to see him he suddenly told me one night when I rang him for a chat that he couldn't do it anymore because it was too hard for him and he felt we were drifting apart because we didn't see eachother as much. It was completely out the blue as there had been no signs whatsoever that he was unhappy and he was the same over text all that week and even for the first half of the phonecall! Obviously I was distraught as it had come from nowhere so I came home the next day and met up with him to try to talk things through as I needed answers. I said I would come back more often and work it around his shifts if he couldn't handle 2 days every 2 weeks so we could see eachother at least one day a week but he didn't really give me a proper answer. I was only at uni 5 weeks so he hasn't even given it a chance and what upsets me the most is that he didn't even try to work things out with me, as he said that he still loved me, the relationship itself was never an effort and he loved me more than he had ever loved anyone else, the only reason he felt this was right was because of the distance. I am still so confused as we honestly had a great relationship; there were never any trust issues, we never prevented eachother seeing our friends, we never had any big arguments and we got on so well- everyone always said that we were the boy and girl versions of eachother. His best friend even told me on fb chat recently that he was really upset by it and still cares for me loads and all he had put the break down to was distance. After 2 years we aren't suddenly not going to get along with eachother so I feel like I should be telling him that we should spend a day together and he can see what a good time we had together and that he shouldn't just give up so easily on something which made both of us happy. Plus if he cant hold down a relationship where Im only 45 mins away what happens if the next person he meets lives 3 hrs away? Is he just going to say oh well I've already tried that so it can never work? Because that isnt how real life works couples have to make the effort for eachother. Also just thought I'd point out- even when I was living at home we only saw eachother properly once a week so it isn't like we have gone from everyday to nothing. Such a strange situation.

 

What are your thoughts?

[MK9]

He obviously don't think you're important enough to wait for. He doesn't love you as much as you think he does. You're less than 2 hours apart, if he wanted to see you, he could have easily.

 

Either he loves you or he don't. Evidence shown that he doesn't. But I tell you what, you should spend more time investing on your education, that will pay dividend down the road. Now, that's a worthy investment. He's a cry baby and an attention getter--you should leave him alone to man-up, instead of catering to his effeminate behavior. I predict that it will only get worse if you do.

[allamo]

Maybe he doesn't, just when we were talking over the phone and when I met him in person I have never seen him so upset, for a while it was me comforting him. Well he couldn't see me easily as he works at 40 hours a week so I admit it was hard working around his days off and my uni timetable compared to when I was at home and had all the free time in the world, but that situation doesn't last forever and in any relationship you have to work round eachother. I think what is annoying me most is that he seems to have just given up. Suppose in the end its his loss but its just going to be hard over christmas as I come home in about 3 weeks time and will know I have all the free time in the world again to see him.

[MK9]

You should be the ones that's angry, he's distracting you from your study. University is stressful, the campus is huge, we have to deal with intelligent professors that are so brilliant that we cannot understand what's they're talking about, and probably they don't understand what they're talking about either. Then there's cramming, late night study, homesick.We need to take a bunch of classes that has nothing to do with our majors. Constantly worrying about getting decent grades so we don't get kicked out. etc..etc... He is just adding more weight to your problem.

 

Tell him to STFU and give you some money. While at it, get a second job, so he can stop over thinking and analyzing. When people are busy and have things to do, they don't get mad over silly stuff.

[allamo]

I haven't let it interfere with my studies as I know I made the right decision coming to uni and I can't live my life around him and I have been getting firsts in my assignments so far, it's just something I think about say when I'm walking back from the library and I don't to keep boring my flatmates with it so thought I'd post it on here instead. Thanks for the advice though!

[hodgeheg]

You're both young and busy, you're starting a new life away from him. I'm not patronising you, I'm only 19 myself, but my boyfriend broke up with me 5 weeks ago for (according to him) similar reasons to yours.

 

I've now come to the conclusion that if he is not willing to put any effort in whatsoever to see me (which he hadn't been doing, prior to breaking up with me) then he does not deserve me.

 

I know it's hard, you'll hear it a thousand times and still not believe it, but if he doesn't want to work at it then he doesn't deserve you. I also think that he may have other reasons for breaking up with you and could be using distance as an excuse.