I asked for space, but...

[quantegy]

Friends --

 

Any advice or insight would be very appreciated here: my girlfriend and I have been together for five months now, and the relationship has been spectacular (loving, exciting, etc.). Recently, however, I have been feeling as though we are spending a bit too much time together -- not as a complaint to having her company, but a new school year is approaching and I will need some personal time to prepare for my classes and readings.

 

Two days ago I explained this to her and asked for some time alone for work purposes, but her reaction was very negative -- she was hurt and upset. I called her to speak briefly this morning, but she was very stand-offish and offensive, refusing to even accept my apology for hurting her feelings.

 

So, where have I gone wrong? Should I try contacting her again, or simply let her contact me? Thanks in advance, and my best to you all.

 

-- V

[Jsphsl4204]

Hmm... You should wait for her to call you. Chances are, a five month relationship won't end on these terms... And besides, when she wants you back bad enough, she'll call you... Just wait back, see how things go, and update us on the situation...

[OceanEyes]

I totally understand your need for personal time when starting a new school year, especially if you're in university. I remember having so many different readings to do in a single day that I had little or no time to do anything that I needed to do. During exam weeks I would be totally swamped and not even leave my apartment.

 

Put yourself into your girlfriend's shoes for just one minute. The way she sees it, everything is going great, then you suddenly say those all-knowing dreaded words, "I need space". She probably doesn't hear anything else you say or understand what you're saying, she just thinks that you've gotten sick of her and are trying to break thinks off slowly.

 

I would suggest setting aside some time for her this weekend, taking her out somewhere and trying to explain yourself better. Reassure her that you don't want to spend less time with her, but that because of how much reading you have to do, preparing yourself for upcoming tests and such, it will be harder for you to spend as much time with her as you have. If she's in university too she should be understanding. Don't say, "we spend too much time together", because it will probably make her feel worse.

 

If she still doesn't understand your need to focus on your studies, then I'm sorry, but I don't think she's mature enough to be with in the first place. If I was dating a guy who told me that I would be seeing less of him because he needed to study, I would understand 100% and even cherish the time we did had together more. If she's never been to university (there is generally less reading involved in college), then she really just doesn't get how much work they give you. I would sometimes be assigned to read 300 pages in two days for a test. How can you do this and still have time to just 'hang out'?