Just broken up, confused why

[StrangerFriend]

Last week, out of the blue, my boyfriend of the time broke up with me. It was long distant and had just passed 1 yr and 9 months. He lives in CT and I in NY -CT was the closest he could be to me after completing some military classes while he was in CA for 4 months.

 

He says he wouldn't have broken up with me if he wasn't sure of it. He just didn't feel the same way, he thinks I am the most wonderful person and I'll do great things. I'll be able to love someone else and make them happy. He says it takes 2 in a relationship, and it had become one sided, he didn't feel the same way about me as I did about him. And no, I'm confident its not someone else.

 

I feel like its a nightmare. I went to the gym with my best friend and nearly broke down after working out for some time. There isn't a moment I don't think about him everyday, through all of my work, and trying to stay busy. I feel nauseous and I don't want to eat. It feels like a chore to eat. I talk to him, or try to, and I told him I wanted to win him over, and regain his love. He crushes me, he says no and builds his stoic walls to hide his pain, and his hurt. He says I did nothing wrong, he did nothing wrong, his feelings weren't the same. He wants to be my friend, a close friend, but I can't help but bombard him with questions about our past relationship, then start to cry, and make his sad and upset, and I start tearing myself apart.

 

Can someone please explain how someone's feelings can just change? How you can't love someone any more, and refuse to give them another chance? I can't wrap my mind around this whole thing. It makes me so sad I want to win him back, and show him how much I care, and I wish he could feel the same way about me. It makes me feel like used goods. Having your heart returned is the worst gift ever.

[Dubb]

It's probably something that has been on his mind for a while. Not being in his shoes it's hard to say but I'm assuming he's young.. Being in the military he probably travels a decent amount so he's also exploring and possibly partying. It can be tough being in a serious relationship like that when it's long distance..I dated a girl for 6 years.. I did love her but that last 6 months of it I really felt like I needed to experience other people. I know it sucks but you need to let him go. Move on with your life. It's hard..I've been there, but I promise things will get better.

[John3572]

I agree with what Dubb said...

 

It is something that he has thought out for a long time. It's not a fly by night decision. Also, the time and distance apart probably fueled it. What's striking is how cold he is about things. That is an indication that something else or someone else is on his mind.

 

If you want to remain friends with him do so, but at a distance. You are not over him but he is over you. In order for you two to have a healthy friendship you have to be over him. Continuing to ask him questions about why you guys broke up will only create a strain. Also, it will only continue hurting you because you will keep rehashing things in your brain about why. You have to move on. I've been dumped before and it sucks knowing that someone doesn't want you in their life anymore. Especially when you're blindsided by it.