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Just broke up...already thinking about getting back together


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So my now-ex boyfriend and I had been dating for about six months, although we had casually dated for about 6 months before becoming "official". We are both in college, and we have both been going through a very stressful time with midterms, thinking about the future,etc. During this time, I became more and more stressed, and without realizing, was using my boyfriend as an outlet for my stress far too often. Basically, the relationship consisted of me getting upset over yet another setback, over and over again, and running into his arms for immediate comfort. About 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend said he was finding it hard to take because I was contributing to his stress level. He suggested we take a break so he can try to calm down and think about everything. I have never been one for breaks, so I was largely unable to comply and did not give him any space at all. In fact, it added to my upsetness and made me calling him up crying even more frequent. During this time, I was honestly working on myself. I went to a counselor, started going to the gym, and was prescribed antidepressants. I am just starting to feel the consequences now, and I after reflection realize how toxic I was really becoming. Unfortunately, he broke up with me for real the night before last, a consequence of our failed break. I cried for a few hours and have been upset, but now I can't shake the feeling that we're going to get better because I'm honestly finding it within myself to be happy and working on what was going on in with me that damaged the the relationship. When he told me, I screamed and cried. He left obviously. But 3 hours later he instant messaged me asking why i had to scream at him. I told him I thought it was normal. Then for some reason we started talking and I told him how much I really have been working on myself, and how I was proud of myself for getting stronger. He seemed genuinely happy for me and was telling me how amazing we were when collected and said we should talk in 2 to 3 weeks if I still wanted to get back together. Even when breaking up with me, he said "this is something I need right now I'm trying so hard but I'm so overwhelmed" but then said that after we had our space to grow maybe with clear heads we could get back together. That night, a few hours after messaging me, he also drunk texted me "I miss you" and then messaged me again to make small talk in the morning.

The best thing I can think of to do is institute NC. I just love him so much and can't bring myself to feel that there's no hope, especially with the things he's saying to me.

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