Ex and i have broken up but i still hurt

[bravegirl04]

Ok, my ex and i were together for about 2 years. We recently just started college as freshmen. We both knew it was going to be hard but we promised we were going to try to work things out between us because we both love eachother very much. Well since weve been there, he's been talking to another female. Keep in mind that our school only has 1,600 students so its not like i can get away from it. We live in dorms and i live on the floor above his. Everytime i go down to his floor she is always in his room. He told me they were just friends but one time i seen them holding hands. I felt so hurt i cry almost everyday. He says he doesn't even care about her and he still loves me but when i see them together it's hard to believe him. Since our school is so small, everybody already knows the situation. They seem him with her then they see him with me. I know we are broken up but because i love him so much when i see him with another female i cant sit there and say it doesnt hurt because it feels like someone stabbed me in the chest.

So i talked to the girl and i basically told her to have respect for our relationship and what we are trying to accomplish. She said she would.

Man i just dont know what to do. As much as i love him, hes not going to make me look like a fool talking to me and another female at the same time. Hes my life and i dont want to lose him.

[bravegirl04]

please help!!!!

[rich46]

Hi bravegirl04,

 

I will try and offer some advice, but I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you. It is a lot easier said than done, but you need to do the same as what he is doing to you. Obviously I would usually say NC is the way to go, but unfortunately it is not possible in this situation. But I'd distance yourself from him as much as poss, and let him know that he can't have you as a back up. Try and make other male friends, go on a couple of dates...anything. Just don't stress too much about your ex with this girl, and try your hardest not to interfere. Play him at his own game and he may change his attitude if he sees that you are capable of meeting other people/having a good time without him.

 

I really feel for you, but you need to make some moves forward, however hard it may be.

 

Good luck,

 

Rich

[bravegirl04]

Rich,

 

Thank you for the response. It really helped. I have thought about the NC so many times but like i said with such a small school it is very hard. Im pretty sure he is treating me this way because he doesnt think i am seeing anyone else. So the moment he thinks im talking to someone else he will come crawling back because he doesnt want to lose me. And many times i have taken him back. But im not going to do it anymore. I am so tired of being a door mat for him. So from now forth i no longer care. If i see him i will say hi and thats it. Im giving him exactly what he wants. But of course he only likes it when it applies to him not me.

[rich46]

Thank you for the response. It really helped. I have thought about the NC so many times but like i said with such a small school it is very hard. Im pretty sure he is treating me this way because he doesnt think i am seeing anyone else. So the moment he thinks im talking to someone else he will come crawling back because he doesnt want to lose me. And many times i have taken him back. But im not going to do it anymore. I am so tired of being a door mat for him. So from now forth i no longer care. If i see him i will say hi and thats it. Im giving him exactly what he wants. But of course he only likes it when it applies to him not me.

Yes, NC is almost impossible in this case. But you can still take some of the main principles from it, and use them for YOU. You sound quite strong and determined and so I'm sure you'll be fine!

 

He'll probably get bored of hanging around with this girl sooner or later. Then he'll come running back to you...again. Well wouldn't it be great if you had moved on and were too busy to hang out with him? Wouldn't it be great if you showed him that you won't be a door mat anymore? So get out there and have a good time, hang out with other people, and don't mope about after him. Show him that he isn't the only source of happiness in your life! image removed

 

If you need to vent, then come here and do it! It will make you feel better!

 

Good luck,

 

Rich

[bravegirl04]

Yes, thank you so much . I feel so stupid that i didnt do this earlier. Because everybody in my school knows the situation, they think im some kind of fool for still being here putting up with it. Buts its al good. As a matter fact, i have a date tonight! i Wonder what he will think about that!

[DragonGirl724]

i know how tough it is for you. i had a friend in exact situation, not to bring u down but this may be the reality of it all...her bf broke up w/ her & went out w/ the 'college friend' and now they are actually getting married. love is such a small word but it carries such burdens. im glad u told his 'friend' where u stand, that took guts & im sure it made u feel at ease for a little bit. if possible, next semester move dorms. go to a diff location to make a conscious step in the healing process. he may be sugarcoating his words to make it easier on the 2 of u, but if he does its jus gonna be that much HARDER on u later. so tell him str8 up 'yo is there a future between us or no? is this OVER OVER?' dont even mention his lil friend, b/c in the scheme of things she is insignificant. its YOU & HIM that the issues are at. settle them, tell him to be 100% honest & dont sugarcoat one word. a hard reality is a reality none the less. dont live in a fantasy land that ull get back together & things will be great. i did just that & instead of startin the healing process back in march wen he broke up w/ me im just starting it NOW b/c i believed all the CRAP he was dishin out to me until i told him 'dude be str8 up w/ me, no B.S." & unfortunately it didnt work out how i wanted, but it worked out as it should right now. i needed to know the truth as do u. demand it. & if he loves u then u guys work this out right now! no more lingering. its a be all or end all situation. good luck hun. dont wait another day, the sooner u know whatsup the sooner u can move on in life....trust me, i know how tough it is, i just did it 3 days ago...

 

 

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

good luck on your date. i tried dating other guys & it was an unbelievable DISASTER! im sure yours will be FAR FAR FARRR better than mine. best of luck hun.

 

-DG724

[bravegirl04]

Yes, i went out on another date last night and it was very nice. But the whole time i couldnt stop thinking about my ex. So when i got back he tried so hard to play it off like he didnt care but i saw right thru it. He kept asking me questions like if we did anything. I told him he said he wanted to see other people so im giving him what he wanted. Oh, but of course that only applies to him.

Im so afraid to ask him is it all or nothing because he isnt ready to be in a relationship with me and im not either, but at the same time this situation hurts so bad i really cant take anymore of it.

[DragonGirl724]

i know wat u mean about bein hesitant about confronting him about all or nothing. i hesitated 6months....b/c i didnt want to pressure him when he wasnt ready but i couldnt take it anymore so in the call i made to him tellin him all or nothing i said 'i dont mean to disrespect ur wishes for time alone & not takin about 'us' etc i know u need time alone but i cant take it anymore i need to know if im jus fooling myself or not as to where we stand in the future. it took a lot of guts for me to make that call b/c i wasnt ready to let him go completely but as sumone told me 'if u rip the bandaid off slowly it hurts more, it u rip it off fast, its intense but the pain goes away quicker....it sounds logical enough for me....

 

goodluck... i wish i had better advice for u, its just such a sucky situation, it hurts either route u take, so just make the pain last for the shortest period of time possible..

 

-DG724

[bravegirl04]

dragon girl, i totally feel you. I am so scared to ask him because i don't want to pressure him but at the same time i cant do all these playing games. One minute he's with me and the next he's with her. Im so tired of looking like a fool. So the guy that i went out on a date with asked me to be his girl. I really don't know what to do about that. So im just gonna ask him if he even sees a future for us because im not gonna waste my time.

[Disillusioned Guy]

I've read through your story and feel really annoyed at your fella. What the hell does he think he's playing at. My ex did the 'oh im just friends with this guy' rubbish and she ended up chucking our 9 year marriage for him. Girls can only be friends with men if they have known them for a long time - generally two people of the opposite sex getting chatty and friendly normally means attraction.

It sounds to me like he's enjoying the attention with two girls after his attention -ignore him and focus on your life, once you do this half the excitement he's experiencing will disappear with you.

[DragonGirl724]

bravegirl,

 

ur ex is gettin an ego boost right now havin the 2 of u hangin around so either ask him wats up b/c ur not gonna linger around anymore or u make that decision yourself. & as for the new guy, i was asked out by a new guy too, but im gonna talk to him tomarrow prolly b/c he wants to get dinner & tell him its not fair to him if we go out b/c my heart isnt gonna be on the same level. i havent led this guy on at all, we just hung out a few times. & i know as a fact i cant focus on anyone else. & i dont plan to either. i gave my absolute ALL to my ex & i need time to recoup, replenish myself, & heal a shattered heart. i think u should do the same. but thats my opinion. rebounds can only lead to you being the bad guy later on down the line. dont break any hearts, for u know the pain all too well, be respectful of this new guy & his feelings & tell him str8 up how u feel. we all know how much damage mind games do.

 

goodluck.

 

-DG724

[bravegirl04]

dragon girl i am feelin you totally. I thought going out with this dude would make my ex jealous and it probably would, but i don't want to hurt him. I just wish that for one day my ex could but himself in my shoes so he would know exactly how i feel. He just thinks that he can do whatever he wants and im not supposed to care. But if it was me doing it i would be so wrong. Its almost like he's telling me not to love him anymore and not to care about the things he does. Of course if i didnt love him then i wouldnt care what he does! SO i think im just gonna tell how i feel (again) then let it go.