Big fear of dating again

[manu85]

Hi guys,

 

Lately, I've been thinking of getting myself back on the dating scene. But I've noticed I have a huge fear of doing that. I'm trying to get answers for myself, why do I have this great fear of getting hurt again?

 

I am bisexual, and even 1+ year after the B-U I'm very afraid of getting dumped over that again. I was devastated because I was dumped over a characteristic in me that I cannot possibly change. However, I do think I can make decisions to control my sex and love life. If I were to date a girl again (and that is my eventual plan, 'cause I fall for them way deeper, with guys it's more of a sexual attraction thing, more superficial), I have a thousand questions remaining in my head: When to tell during the dating process and not scaring them off? How to make them feel comfortable and secure of my love? How to get rid of the extreme fear of getting dumped over that because they can't handle my sexuality? I know for a fact a lot of girls wouldn't even think of dating me the second they found out that I'm bi... How to get my confidence up? I feel a lesser man in comparison to straight guys just because of my sexual orientation. I feel any girl would prefer a straight guy if given the choice, and denying that would just be kidding myself. I know I need to offer them more than the usual guy. Way more. Girls like security. I know I need major work on my self-confidence, and, ideally, I'd need to classify guys as just sex material and girls as relationship (meaning love AND sex) material, to create clarity in my head, and still, that wouldn't be enough, 'cause I need to be able to function without having sex with guys when I'm in a relationship with a woman. I need to know myself better too. I need to be sure that I can get all I want out of a relationship with a girl, that I can be satisfied and not be bored after a while and starting to miss the male side. It makes me scared to think that I might get bored and might lose her again. It makes me scared to think that I can't find stability in my own expectations of a happy relationship. I need to think thoroughly of what I want and make decisions, and be at peace with the things I will lose. (But can I be with a girl and marry her and be happy with her for decades without missing men? I guess I just need to make a choice and live with it). All I want is to build up a trusting monogamous physically and emotionally fulfulling relationship with one loving person and be as honest as possible with my partner and with myself. How do I do this? How do I find peace within me...

 

Any input would be very appreciated. Thanks.

[camus154]

It's all about choices. Whether you're gay, straight, bi....when it comes to settling down and wanting an exclusive relationship, everyone makes sacrifices to that end.

 

There are plenty of women I'm sure I'd like to sleep with, but I'm quite happy in my relationship with my girlfriend. That doesn't mean I don't find any other woman attractive, but that I've made a choice.

 

I guess I don't see how this would be any different. Whether the object of your desire has a penis or a vagina doesn't really matter. If you want an exclusive relationship, you're going to have to give up certain things.