Should i go strictly no contact or stay friends and hope for best

[spring2507]

so about a year ago my boyfriend cheated on me it was more of an affair we have 4 years together going on 5 and im 20 he is 21. When i found out about the cheating i broke up with him for 3 months then got back with him because i really do love him and i figured he made a big mistake and was willing to give him a chance to make it better. It's been a year now and im away at college so its hard to make the relationship work i also have found that i cant see him the same again as though he is tainted. Because he did not only sleep with this girl but take her out on dates and do many of the the things we did together so now i dont feel as special anymore. He has been trying but not hard enough are relationship is the same as before the cheating. What hurts the most is that this girl had a bf as well when she cheated with my boyfriend and its hard to see her all happy and still with her boyfriend and here i am still trying to deal with this and put the pieces back together .

 

My main questions are:

 

1) i decided that me and my boyfriend need time apart since i feel that being with him only reminds me of him being with her and it hurts come to the realization that the person i truly love and want to be with i cant be with because of what he did and the fact that it keeps popping up in my mind. Im away at college and he decided to give me my space we are not together but he still wants to be in contact...idk if thats a good or bad idea should i stay in contact or cut off completely?

 

2)this whole situation has made me question everything i always believed in i feel like being a good person and loyal never gets you anywhere and that in the end it will be overlooked i managed to be a good gf and at the end of the day all that was thrown out the window for this girl who came in out of nowhere and took everything i worked hard for (relationship) and here she is that she did this horrible thing and she gets to keep her bf and be happy and me that did nothing wrong here i am miserable and dealing with this and struggling to make my relationship work...my boyfriend is trying he is but at the end of the day i can never get her and him out my mind what should i do???

[ParisPaulette]

You probably instinctively know that this guy would make a lousy friend let alone boyfriend or you wouldn't even be on this board asking these questions. The fact that you're both so young to begin with and I presume have no kids together, no property, are not married and are not tied together in any way that makes it sometimes harder than usual to leave a relationship - and yet he still felt the need to have a full-blown affair behind your back with a girl who also had a boyfriend just blows my mind. Not that any cheating is ever okay, but if it was a drunken one-night stand or you two were apart at the time or broken up I could at least see some sort of rationalization behind his actions. But that wasn't the case here if I'm reading this right and he's already set himself on a path that squarely says this guy couldn't be trusted with a borrowed library book let alone someone's heart or even a friendship.

 

No, don't stay in contact and try to just be friends, especially not if you're trying to heal and move past all this and still have feelings for him. All that does it let him hold out false hope and use you as a backup plan and you get hurt even worse. I think you know what you need to do. You have a future ahead of you and being at college right now away from him will give you the time and distance to sort things out and hopefully realize you deserve alot better.

[spring2507]

the thing is i want to be with him but its just i cant get it out of my head what they did exactly for the reason that it wasnt just a one time thing....am i wrong for still holding on to this and not being able to get past it i really want to but its just constantly on my mind and he is trying but at the end of the day he still did what he did

[tyr72]

the thing is i want to be with him but its just i cant get it out of my head what they did exactly for the reason that it wasnt just a one time thing....am i wrong for still holding on to this and not being able to get past it i really want to but its just constantly on my mind and he is trying but at the end of the day he still did what he did

 

Holding on the the past is always wrong. Remember it, learn from it, but don't cling to it. Not being able to let go of it robs you of your present and your future. He is part of your past. Let him go. There is too much going on at college for you to be spending your time agonizing over this. Go study, hang with friends, make new friends, meet new guys. Live your life.