My Most Painful Relationships

[JU27]

Hello Everyone,

I have been thinking about the most painful relationships in my life and I was wondering if anyone could give me any feedback.

I don't relate to anyone in my family, and have never been close to any family, except my parents. But, I have realized how painful my relationship to some of my family members is. I have issues with my cousin, brother, and sister. These are the only people in my family I've ever had issues with and I don't know why. Actually, I don't feel I have issues with them, but they do with me, which is very hurtful.

My sister is mean and has been mean to me in the past. I never talk to her or see her except on holidays. I'm not close to her children. My brother has never cared or taken an interest in getting to know me. My cousin and I have been close for awhile but recently we had a conflict.

My sister doesn't live close to me, but my brother does, and my cousin just moved in with him. Its really hurtful to me that my parents tell me about how my cousin and brother are always having fun doing things now...yet they never invite me.

I don't understand why they've always had issues with me. Especially my brother and sister. They are all around the same age as me.

It's very painful to me that they all have a certain perception of me, such as being selfish, etc. I don't feel that their perceptions of me are accurate completely. Nonetheless, their perceptions of me seem to have a strong impact on me, and it's difficult for me to see myself in any other way, other than their perceptions of me. My sister has been emotionally abusive to me in the past, and my brother physically and emotionally abusive when I was a teenager. My cousin has always been there for me, until our recent conflict, which I admit I played a part in. However, it's hurtful to me that she just seems to think my brother is great and has no interest in seeing me, etc. It seems like it's always been this way.

Also, my brother and sister have influenced me when I was spending time with them a couple years ago. I made a mistake that they found out about (buying alcohol for a minor) which I still feel ashamed about. It was very painful for me when they found out, because I have never doen anything like this in the past or present, except this one incident. But, they attacked me when they found out. I know that I need to take responsibility for my decisions, but they did have a big influence on me by me being around them.

I feel that these three family members have had the greatest impact on my self esteem and ability to achieve success in my life. I know that they don't control me, but it still feels like their perceptions impact me even when I don't see them. Just hearing that my cousin and brother did something fun, for example, without asking me, lowers my self esteem. Now they live in the same town as me, and It's like I feel I can't break out of their perceptions of me. I like every other area of my life, but this seems to keep me from doing as best as I know I could in my life.

Does anyone else have the same type of situation with their family member(s)? What should I do? Thanks for any feedback you have.

[abitbroken]

Is the cousin who moved with in the brother male? And are you male or female? If you are female, then they just may not think to include you because they are doing "guy stuff" and just don't think of it. if you don't want to come accross as selfish and aloof, try being generous and involved. You can say they never invite you, but do you invite them to things? Also, siblings callign eachother names or rough horseplay with eachother as children or teens is not "abuse" - it is part of growing up and part of learning how to hold your own, how to relate to eachother, and setting boundaries. Everyone had their brother try to feed them a dirt sandwich, laugh at them in front of their friends or shove them. If you want a relationship with them, you need to stop keeping a tally sheet in your mind and start reaching out.

 

btw, if hearing other people have a good time lowers your self esteem, than that is not their fault. People might be afraid to share news of their life with you afraid that it will make you feel bad so they don't bother anymore. I suggest counseling or just consciously deciding that when someone is happy, you can be happy for them and try to join in and create your own memories with them instead of being upset they never call.

[abitbroken]

btw, you have to take responsibility for your actions and your feelings. You seem to think everyone else is responsible for making you feel bad and they influenced you to do wrong. You and you alone are responsible for your actions. Sure, we see stuff around us, but it is up to us to take things in and decide for ourselves what is right and what is wrong,