Soft spot about guy/girl attraction caused by anxiety...

[Hero_99]

I don't know what it is, but maybe I am just sensitive to what other people mean when they talk about guy girl relationsships. There is always something about the thought of having a girlfriend that causes a lot of anxiety in me.

 

Today a dinner in the school cafeteria I was sitting down and a guy I knew came up and asked if he could sit down.

 

Well, I was in a good lighthearted mood, so decided to joke a little bit with him..

 

Him: Are you saving this spot?

Me: Well, I was looking for a beautiful woman to sit down, and you don't seem to qualify. But go ahead and sit down anyways.

 

So, he sits down, and another guy that I knew heard what I said and commented:

 

Guy: Yeah, he was waiting for any girl to sit down ... ANY available girl ...

 

Something about the way he said that just erked me because it sounded like he was inferring that I was desperate, which I'm not really. I went and directly talked to him later on about it and he said that wasn't what he was inferring.

 

Now I have been having some thoughts about myself that arn't so healthy. I keep thinking back to all those times I have had girls tell me that I'm not ugly, but not hot either, which is basically a way of saying that they find you unattractive without actually saying that you are ugly. I know I'm average looking, but I hate having things like that rubbed in and I know that I shouldn't allow other people to qualify me like that.

 

Enough ranting ... Fact is, I need to find a way to get over these anxieties or I will be single for the rest of my life.

[Hero_99]

I know that a man should make a woman feel secure, and should have fun with her before getting serious and BLAH BLAH common sense stuff.

 

I've had girls who saw me as boyfriend material, but I always rejected them out of anxiety.

[sisterlynch]

It is tough to find someone that makes you interested without causing a lot of anxiety in your life. Relationships are a double edged sword sometimes--that is why the old saying, "women, you can't live with them and you can't beat them!"

 

I kind of think that you insulted the guy who came up to you and sat down, the other guy was putting you down so that the other guy wouldn't feel rejected. You understand that right?

 

The truth was that the guy who made you feel desperate was probably feeling desperate himself and was reflecting his own emotions on to you!

[Hero_99]

The other guy who sounded like he was inferring that I was desperate already has a girlfriend. They've been together for atleast 3 years. I don't see any reason why he should feel desperate.

 

As for the other guy, I don't know. I admit that I do see having certain people around as counter-productive influences, but then it wouldn't help me or anyone else to be one of those counter-productive influences either.

[tobereleased]

To me, what you said first to the first guy seemed just like a joke. I'm sure he took it that way... And i don't see why the first guy is important really to this discussion..

 

So lets forget about him, he's not an attractive woman afteral..

 

 

 

But i do understand what you mean hero. I actually feel the same kind of anxiety myself. I'm self-conscious about not having a girl.

 

My relatives always ask me, "do you have a girlfriend yet?" even my ex gf asks me if i'm seeing someone.. (lets not discuss that.. heh ).

 

Out of anxiety i've also rejected several girls and their approaches.

 

I don't really know why i do it. But i finally came to a conclusion about myself. I'm not really looking for a girl right now.

 

It seems your also concerned about the way you look?

 

Same here, I have a slight appearance problem. I am prone to gyno. which is basically male breasts. So when i gain weight i gain it in the pectoral area and the stomach. i've put on 5 pounds..

 

(its just something i wanted to share, heh)

 

Well, what i've learned from women, and about personal experience is that looks arn't really that important to them, of course first impressions ARE important. You probobably know this already. Maybe your just feeling insecure.

 

and i think more than 90% of the population in the United States are insecure about their looks. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many products out there that were made just so we would try and look better.

 

Well, good luck hero,

 

if you find a way to get over your anxieties, let me know. I may need to know too

[Hero_99]

I don't really know if I have a physical appearance problem; except for maybe that I don't always dress as nice as I should. I am nearsighted, which doesn't help, and I have to wear glasses. If I was able to get rid of the glasses and see naturally I would probably feel better about myself.

[stolenshadow]

Hello Hero, most of the time we say "If I didn't have this I would feel better about myself" when reality is we must learn to accept things the way they are because most can't be changed.

 

But, for your eyes situation there's surgery, and a very easy and simple one, it's also not expensive and no need for a long recovery, ask your doctor (that all sounded like an ad...), that seems to be one of the few things you can actually change yourself.

 

Good luck and don't feel down, anxiety is not a turn off unless the girl has it too and tries to avoid facing it.

[Kakster]

Make an effort to change those things that are in your control. Learn to live with those that are not.

 

It's funny how much i have in common with people on this board. My older brother and his wife are always asking if i have girlfriend yet, and how i'm not going to get married... etc. etc... I was a part of my best friends wedding and I was the only single person there.

 

When a girl expresses intrist, in my head i think " she's going to figure out that i'm not really interesting, attractive, fun, sooner or later and just hurt me". I believe i have social anxiety, althuogh i don't see the point in going to a doctor and having prescribed pills. Don't worry though, i'm making progress. 8)