Almost six months apart and we both admit to missing each other a lot

[soru]

My exgirlfriend who I dated for 15 months broke up with me over the summer just as we got back from our first year of college. Things were great, I treated her as her best guy easily, and I believe thats why she has so much difficulty letting me go out of her life completely. Ever since we've been seperated, there has been contact in one shape or form every week.

 

At first I thought it was her just trying to ease her guilt, as she kept pushing to be my friend, and to be honest thats what it was. But as I continued to reject her offer of friendship and distance myself, her reaching out started to become less selfish and more genuine. Even after we both returned to campus, she still did things that showed she thought about me, and cared about me in some level. For example, I dropped my keychain in the parking lot and she found it and brought it back to my room (she was in MY dorm when I wasnt there, which is sort of unsettling lol) and called me just to inform me about my car window being slightly opened.

 

We live right down the hall from one another in the dorms now and even though I dont see her all that much, I can tell it effects her when we do run into each other. Last Wednesday I ended up on the elevator with her alone and it felt more like a warm moment than a awkward one. We exchanged a few words and she frowned as she walked out the elevator. Minutes later, she texts me asking me to come to her room...Which I ended up doing. We spoke about some things, and then her bringing up the friendship thing again, and I explained to her for the 5th time that I can't do it and wont settle for less. I told her I wanted her back as my girlfriend and that was it. She went on by saying "Well I won't stop trying for friendship!" And I simply looked her in the eye and replied firmly "Yes you will. Stop trying. It's never going to happen." She went on about how she really cares for me and stuff and misses me as a person, and thats when I had to leave. We hugged, I tried to shorten the hug but she held me tighter. Throughout the visit I joked with her like we used to, we laughed. The chemistry was definitely still there. She really liked the scarf I was wearing and asked me where I got it, and i told her "I'm not telling. You lost all priviledges to my knowledge. I would let you wear it but you lost that priviledge too

 

I left the room and she texted me saying

 

"sorry"

 

and I replied with "This is how you chose for it to be. I'm just looking out for my own emotions."

 

"I just really miss you a lot"

 

I said, "Well guess what? I miss you a lot too, but I can't settle for just friendship with you. I want more than that."

 

The next day she came knocking on my door for my roomate and I answered it calmly and invited her in as she sat down on the floor to wait for my roomate to get ready. I was incredibly nonchalant to her presence as I went back to doing what I was doing. And then two days ago I get a text from her asking me if I'm going to this concert or not that night, and I ignored it. Two hours later she calls me, and i ignored that, and then another two hours pass and she calls AGAIN. I ignored that too.

 

I want to get together with this girl again. I dont know if the way I'm handling it is working? For the past 4 months I've been trying to get back with her, but lately I just been accepting it and not reaching out to her. I need some insight on what to do and opinions. I really do love this girl.

[Furbys]

You are doing what you think is right and what is better for you. You made it clear to her that you cannot be friends with her because you want more but she continues to ignore that. By ignoring her texts you are reinforcing to her that you mean what you say and that you can't be friends with her. She is continuing to contact you in the hope that you will reply and you will become friends.

 

Maybe it is an idea to send her a reply text to say 'this is the last time I'm saying this and i wont reply after this but i cannot be friends with you and you know why'. This just makes it clear to her that you mean what you say. Or you can continue to ignore her (because there is the possibility that texting her is encouraging her. I understand that you do love her, but she only wants to be friends and you need to do what is best for you and that is stopping contact.

[NCMaster]

I think you are handling it pretty well. You are standing up for what you want which puts you in a good place. Now just do not settle for anything less. If you have feelings for this girl, you cant be her friend, you will just get your heart ripped out of your chest when a new person comes along.

 

She chose it this way, she must deal with the consequences.

 

In the past I had a situation like this, and the most it ever evolved to was friends with benefits and then it went downhill from there as we weren't exclusive. If this girl is reluctant to commit to you, let her live life knowing what she is gonna miss in you.

 

You guys sound young as well, so perhaps it could be nice to see what else is out there? I know easier said than done, but whats the alternative? The more you keep strong like you have been and purpose you have ,the more attractive you will become in other's eyes.

 

The only danger here is that she knows you want to be in a relationship with her, so she can keep that option without exercising it. Personally I might look to back out completely and not engage in anything with her anymore. Which is mostly what you are doing in any case. It sucks, but keep strong man, I think you are doing well.