GF of 7 years left suddenly.....help!

[star036]

I was with my girlfriend for over 7 years, had a child together and recently brought a house together. She was my life, and I was hers from what she used to tell me. She used to say I was the one, and she would never leave me. We were properly in love (so I thought). I was always there for her, through so many things and feel like I improved her as a person. I loved her so much and still do, and would have spent the rest of my life with her no question.

 

But then from nowhere 2 months ago she said she no longer loves me and left me, the only reason being she no longer loves me the way she should and doesn't find me attractive. She insisted there wasn't anyone else, but about 2 weeks after she left I found out she had been staying over an a mans house and she had known him for 2 months before we split. She still denys anything has happened and they are just friends. Her brother has also said she has been flirting with atleast two other guys in the past week. This has totally broken me, I've not being eating, sleeping, just crying on my own every night, texting her asking her to come back, I just can't deal with it. She was my life and I thought I was hers. but now suddenly I'm nothing to her, shes ignoring me and shes not shed a single tear through all of this. For the last 2 months I've done nothing but cry and hide away. And she just seems so happy now, shes got a new house and going out all the time, flirting and probably sleeping with loads of men. Do you think somewhere in her heart she will still feel anything for me? And any ideas what causes a girl to do this? And do you have any idea how I can get through this, because I arent coping at all. The thought of her with someone else is killing me. Thanks in advance.

[22n32]

Off course she still cares for u...

 

I think its a case of u too grew apart over the yrs.. this happens alot if you guys got together at a young age.. say below 25..

 

I'm sorry this happened stay strong and stay healthy..

[Day88]

Hey buddy. I'm sorry things are going badly. I came to this site about 2 months ago after my gf of 4.5 yrs left me. I thought that I was dying inside and that nothing would ever make me feel like I did when I was with her. After reading the posts on here religously for a week solid I realised that there are so many people going through this and coming out the other side.

 

I know that things seem like they will never get better and you have no where to go, but you do here. And this comes from a guy who never uses forums haha.

 

When it ended for me I thought it came out of the blue, but when I look back the signs were there but I was totally blinded. What I'm trying to say is that maybe she wasn't the 'one' you think she was. You can't hope that she will change her mind cause she is the only one who can change, you need to make yourself better for you and your child.

 

You'll be ok fella

[midnightdeirdre]

I am so sorry you had to endure your heart shattering like this. *hugs* I think you should start seeing a professional, maybe even check into a rehab center. Remember: Time heals all wounds, no matter how deep. And this too shall pass.

[star036]

The problem is, I have to see her or have contact with her almost everyday due to our son. So it's making it very difficult to move on, especially because I know as soon as I have my son overnight shes going out with other men. She is always going to be in my life because of our son, but I mean nothing to her where as I love her so much. Just got to stand by as she goes with other men. I can't handle this.

 

Why doesn't she love me? How after 7 years of commitment can you do this to someone? It isn't even like I was horrible to her, i was a decent caring bf and a good father to her son. I provided her with a home, a car, was there for her thought thick and thin, but suddenly I'm no longer good enough for her and I'm nothing but an irritant in her life. She has no idea just how much she has messed me up and I actually think she is enjoying it. You don't come out with the line 'it's not you, it's me' and say you aren't interested in other men, but then straight away sleep with randoms if you don't want to destroy someone.

 

Every second of every day I'm thinking of her with someone else, and I just can't do it anymore.

[Distant]

From reading this, my guess is there was someone else. I been in this situation also and I found out there was other men when she would deny it till she was blue in the face. To ease the pain, I would take up some hobbies. Try photography or model cars or even video games. Something to take your mind off her. Time heals all wounds. In time, this too shall pass, but until then, you just need to occupy yourself with hobbies and friends and family.

 

Hope for the best my friend.

[lemsip]

Hey man, I'm so sorry you're feeling so low at the minute: it truly is the worst feeling in the world and I feel your pain. I can't imagine the added pain of having a kid involved, but if you have some time read some of the comments/advice given to me on my thread: a lot of it will be relevant to your situation.

 

 

Above all, you have to remember that it's completely normal to feel the way you do and you couldn't help it even if you wanted to. It's chemicals in your brain trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Today sucks. And next week will suck too. But in time, things will get easier. I have no answers for you as to why she left. And chances are, you will never get these answers either. The only thing you can do now is live for the day: take each hour as it comes, and remember that you have a great son and that you're a kickass dad.

 

Keep posting.

[Thorshammer]

Attraction is something that has to keep being worked on, and its not so much physical. My ex left me when I was packing on serious muscle, but behavior-wise, I was losing attraction. But sometimes, some people look back and feel like they are missing something, regardless of love and attraction. They feel like they want to explore more and start realizing that only ONE life on earth is promised. Sure, it can be a fault of attraction, but attraction is an up and down thing, the other partner has to be willing to work on it too, and not become so easily distracted.

 

But her deception and lies are a serious issue. I wouldnt internalize the problem on you and think you are at fault, even with attraction someone can still wander off. Once someone gets a taste of freedom, they want to keep at it like a drug.

 

Just work on your healing and remember what she is doing, all that will help in time when you realize shes not the same woman, and SHE is NOT looking attractive.

[vickyylove]

She may seem happy but I'm pretty sure somewhere down the line it's going to hit her and she will really miss you- she may not want the relationship back but she will miss you.

 

I think you need to start focusing on yourself more, and taking care of yourself. I think it's normal to grieve relationships, especially ones that were so long as yours was but your relationship will not last for long if she gives into those text msgs you're sending her. Maybe you need to re-assess some things more about your life and try and do things to make yourself happy in other areas- keep busy basically. Also, I think it would really help if you try to talk to people close to YOU about this, there's more to you as an individual than your relationship with her.

[star036]

Today is probably the worst day of my life. I've basically lost control of my feelings and actions. I've been txting her and phoning her. And during one of the phone calls she admitted she had had sex with this bloke she fancies since she split with him. I know for a fact though she met him 2 months before we actually split, so this could have been going on for some time. If the thought of her having sex with someone else wasn't heartbreaking enough, she then told me sex with him was much better. She also said she fancies him and has no attraction to me at all.

 

So now I'm sitting here on my own just thinking of the passionate sex this man will be having with the woman I love more than anything, and how much better it is for her. She denys they are actually together, but I think she is just holding back making it public so she doesn't look such a cow.

 

I just don't know how to deal with this, she has crushed my self esteem to nothing, I feel worthless, inadequate, unattrative, useless i just hate myself. She has no idea the amount of damage she has caused. I really don't think I can deal with this.