Why Do They Do It?

[PAdreamer]

I'm sure that this topic has been posted numerous times but I don't want to track it down- too much effort when I can just ask the question and have it done with. The question is WHY? Why in the world would someone CHEAT? It just baffles me that someone could say they love the person they're with, but then they go off and do God knows what with someone... Then they claim that they couldn't help it. I don't believe that if you really care about someone that you could ever even consider cheating on them. And of course you have the dreadful relationships where the people involved hate each other. And to both of these situations I would ask, "why don't you end the current relationship before you go off with someone else? At least then you would be maintaining SOME dignity." I just don't understand WHY people would do that.

[AwsomeDude]

Cheating is something related to being Human !~

coz once a person he/she ( mostly it is a she ) feels 100% sure about her lovers feelings she starts looking for a better deal !

 

or at least it all start with accepting attention from other people which leads to other things !

 

loool dam it ! i really have a problem with that and i know still theres nice people but i get damn scared when ever i have to take a chance !

anyways ....

[Cloud802]

It's actually baffled millions, even psychietrists and counselors. My opinion is that most of them are either afraid of commitment or that they don't even love the person they're with. It's an amazing thing how the human mind works, you look at your average Joe, and you'll probably see a jerk in him. I say if they 'Can't control themselves' quote on quote then they need to just blow off, if you really love a person you'd slap the chick that tries to hit on you and knows you're in a relationship, then go talk to your g/f. If you really love a person then you wouldn't cheat, if you really love a person then you wouldn't have any fear of commitment, as I and many other people don't have that fear. These are the reasons people cheat, despite the reasons dullness it's the meager truth.

[Brandidoll]

Hi PAdreamer I'm very new to these boards, and in fact signed up to help deal with my own issues with being cheated on. I thought I would respond to your post with what my boyfriend told me about the situation he got himself into some two years ago, and maybe it will help shed some light for you on your question.

 

I have always believed my boyfriend flat out cheated on me and lied to me about it for months. To this day, he admits he lied about the situation that at the time looked very suspicious to me but still says he did not cheat. I finally one day got him to tell me why he lied to me, and why he was at least "entertaining" the ideas this girl had, as she was obsessed with him at the time.

He told me that at that time, he did not like himself...nor did he like me. He said he loved me, but didn't like me, because he felt I was disappointed in him, and that he wasn't doing enough. I do believe him with what he said, as I remember him being angry all the time, withdrawn and he was also unemployed. He said this girl was after him, and he enjoyed the attention. He felt like he was something special, and he didn't feel that way most of the time. He told me that I was not to blame, because his dislike was inside him, and it had nothing to do with anything but him. He says he finally was able to pull out of it, and he's happy that I stayed the course, and that we are together.

So, from what you're asking, in the case of my man...the "cheating" tendencies came from him needing to find a way to give himself a boost in self esteem. He never stopped loving me, but needed to feel special and another girl was trying to give that to him, and he took it in willingly.

I guess the only thing I can really say I learned from his words is that if we are having trouble in our relationship, it may mean that I need to give a little extra, to let him know he is not a disappointment to me. I believe it can be very easy to be unfaithful if your mate is too busy to see that you're struggling to feel good about yourself. I don't think my boyfriend went looking for it, but others will sometimes hook on to problematic relationships because the other person starts to look at them as a saint, or "the only one who really cares" about me. (my aunt for example, only dates married men. Don't ask me why, I don't agree with her choices)

 

Hope this can help you a little.

 

Brandidoll

[johnagent1911]

What's to understand? People do it because they think they can get away with it. If you can have cake and eat it too, why not? That and people (more than less) are selfish.

[fantasia2004]

I think because they can get away with and the act of getting caught entices them more.

[AwsomeDude]

is that u in the picture by the way fantasia ?

[sisterlynch]

I had a story similar to the one stated above about why people cheat. People often make up justifications to explain their poor behavior. They concentrate on the short-comings of the victim, to show that they can still maintain their sense of self worth. That is what people really want is to have everyone love them.

 

So if you have to flirt with someone to make yourself feel better during a bad time, or to avoid the real problem that you need to understand, you do it.

 

Cheating can feel dirty even if it isn't actual sex, but an intimate relationship between two people that is more or less platonic. It does take some time to put these things in the past. It hurts in a real way when you realize how close the person may have come to cheating or what they said to the person to lead them to believe that they had a chance of gaining some pleasure out of another person's misery.

 

Yes it is wrong, and yet we all are capable of doing it. It may be a way of retaliating about something that isn't going your way in the relationship or to make the person pay better attention to you.

[shes2smart]

Why do people do any of the stupid things they do?

 

Seriously, you're going to make yourself crazy trying to find an answer for this...there are probably as many answers as there are people who cheat.

 

Of the people I've been involved with, there was only one who cheated on me (as far as I know). In that case I can tell you his motivation(s):

 

1. He never wanted to be in a monogamous relationship in the first place, but didn't have enough balls to say so because he knew it was a deal-breaker for me.

 

2. I was the best option he'd come accross in terms of a partner for him, but he kept holding out hope there was something better, and didn't see any harm in continuing to look.

 

3. He was having a mid-life crisis and trying to reassure himself he was still a "catch."

 

4. He didn't think chatting online was cheating....even when the chat became sexual...and even when that chat lead to r/l meetings.

 

He was incredibly selfish about sharing his time and attention, but not selfish about money. He was rather well to do, had a 6 figure income and had NO problem spending lavishly on whoever he was interested in. I had never dated anyone with that kind of cash before, so it really did blind me for a time. At the end of the day, what's really important is a generousity of spirit....the things money can buy are just things and they mean nothing.

 

I think there is a component of selfishness and "having one's cake and eating it, too" in many cheating situations. Maybe not all of them, but that's a recurring theme I see.

 

If you ever do manage to figure out why people continually choose to do stupid things to complicate and mess up their lives and the lives of people around them, I'd love to know, too.

[BeenCheated]

People are stupid. That's all there is to it.

[johnagent1911]

Heh true but it's too simple for some.

[moleculo]

So many freakin' reasons why, and the worst part is the bulk of them aren't as simple as trying to hurt someone. The lack of a clear cut, black and white situation makes it much more frustrating in a way...in a clear, 100 percent vindictive betrayal you'd feel hurt but at least you know where you stand.

 

Most reasons nowadays have nothing to do with the person you're cheating on. That's what compounds the pain...feeling like you weren't even acknowledged in your own relationship.

[mscolly]

moleculo, you rang a bell for me. That was the worst part of finding out my wife had had an affair: the fact that in some way I'd been taken for granted, that I wasn't anywhere in her thoughts except in the background while she was selfishly risking her family. She knew I loved her, that our love was strong enough to overcome even this, and that was actually a help to her in taking the risk of ruining everything, to scratch an itch. The idea of hurting me was nowhere in her mind: she was sure at the time that I'd never know.

[moleculo]

Yup, MSColly...it's the knowledge that you can overcome it that often causes the nice guys and nice girls to get cheated on I'd say. The other person has seen that through thick and thin they've stayed together...it's a weird way of testing limits.

 

It's this kind of "Well, I know he/she will always be their for me...so...tonight won't really matter!"

[Mike_Wazowski]

I'm a married guy cheating on my wife.....well...I'm trying to break it off with the other woman but it's easier said then done......

 

I'm basically cheating for 2 reasons:

 

Reason 1: My wife and I hardly ever have sex. I recently asked her why not, and she basically said she has no interest in sex (Typical Japanese housewife, before marriage they are sexual dynamos! After marriage and kids, they totally lose interest). Her advice to me was to 'Deal with it'.....thank you very much

 

Reason 2: It feels good to be wanted by another especially when your wife has no interest in you.....

 

there ya go!