i want to try again, but i don't know how

[wanderer]

you may have read about my situation here already ( link removed )

 

but i've been thinking about it and i have a new problem. when she broke it off, she was vague and seemingly afraid to tell me the whole reason why she decided we couldn't go on. now, i'm trying to decide if i should talk to her and then start with no contact for a while, because i still need some answers to help me decide if she was just being irrational or if she's really not into anymore. the trouble is, i'm afraid of scaring her off if i do try to talk to her, and i'm afraid of pressuring her into avoiding telling me the truth. i've been telling her throughout our relationship that she can always be honest with me and tell me exactly what's wrong, and i stand by that. i want to know how we can go from a relationship that seemed to get better and better to her telling me she never fell in love with me, even though she said she loved me over the past 6 months. i want to know if there's a chance if we can get back together, because i think we were both starting to grow on each other in a positive way until she broke it off.

 

i must sound really confused, because i am, but i do know that i want the truth, and i can handle the truth much better than having both of us not know what to say. if anyone can provide any advice, please, because i'm really lost and i need to know if talking to her soon is a good idea or if i should wait.

[Clarabelle]

Wanderer, when I read your post, I was reminded of a relationship that I had about seven years ago. we were doing fine, saying I love you, making plans to get engaged, when one day I realized very suddenly that I did not love this person. I felt very guilty about this realization and our break up was difficult, because I knew that I had told him many things to the contrary. I had a hard time articulating my reasons to him because I didn't want to hurt him and didn't want him to start fighting with me, so I think that I was a little vague with him. We even went to a couples counselor, even when I knew that it was not right for me. I'm not saying that this is the case with you. The human heart does not process things rationally, as we all know. You have to be strong and let time do its work. When you feel ready, really ready, you can initiate contact with her, then you can see what she does. Good luck.