Need some advice

[tu444]

So, I've had a crush on a friend from high school for at least 3 years. I've never felt this strongly about anyone, and I'm afraid I might not ever again. Now, I really think that he's at least bi. I also think that if he is, then he is in denial and having a hard time accepting it.

 

He's mostly into "normal" guy stuff, but his emotions are very feminine, he's never done anything with a girl or had a g/f, and most of his friends think he's gay, weird, or something just isn't right.(I always hear people say stuff like this about him) He's touchy feely, and overly emotional with guys, including me. He always had a negative mind set about his life even though nothing is seemingly wrong. There's a lot of specific examples of little things he's done that lead me to believe he is attracted to men, but I don't need to go into too much detail about that. It's hard to explain, he acts very flirty to certain guys but doesn't overdo it. Basically it's as if he acts as girly as he can get away with and not totally creep out straight guys. He uses the word "fagggot" quite loosely which is weird to me considering how he acts. He's called me it several times jokingly. Overcompensating?

 

I was never super close to him but we used to talk, hang out occasionally, and play sports together. He showed what I took as interest in me but I was always too nervous and scared to try anything. Now, we're both in college about an hours distance away. I haven't talked to him in over a month and I still can't get him out of my head. I wan't to just tell him how I feel since my high school life doesn't really matter all that much. I'm still connected with high school friends though, so I will see him again on college break, at a get together or something because our town was fairly close-knit. If he does tak it badly, it would be really awkward going back to my town and seeing him and other friends. But on the positive side, it could turn out good and I can at least stop wondering. I don't know how I would say it though or if I should do this. Any advice?

 

btw I'm 100% closeted to my highschool, and no one has even suspected it. I felt no reason to tell anyone in high school.

[lukeb]

If you think he has a hard time accepting it, I would say you are out of luck. Chances are this could seriously blow up in your face since you are not out yourself. You are not thinking of telling him one thing, but three things basically. First that you are gay, second that you think he is gay, and third that you have feelings for him. How well do you think this is going to go?

[TwilightLurker]

If your friends won't accept you and thus be awkward around you because of your sexual orientation, then are they really worth keeping as friends? Real friends accept you for who you are. If you're always worried about how others are going to perceive you, you're going to have a lot of anxiety in life as well as bouts of depression because you are purposely limiting yourself to life's opportunities and facets. I'm not saying you should promote your sexual identity, but I think you need to get to the point where you are as comfortable with your sexual identity as you are with the other traits you were born with, such as eye color, being a righty or a lefty and so on. It's easier to do this if you have a large circle of supportive friends because at least you won't have to make that difficult trip from the closet to the open world all by yourself.

 

As for this guy you like, I would suggest rather than telling him how you feel, get to know him better first. Do stuff together, talk to each other, and so on. Build up a friendship and while you're working on that, you'll develop a better idea whether the two of you are compatible. If he likes you, things will develop naturally. If he isn't bi/gay, then I think you'll probably be able to see that without having to tell him that you're interested in him.

[brueges]

 

As for this guy you like, I would suggest rather than telling him how you feel, get to know him better first. Do stuff together, talk to each other, and so on. Build up a friendship and while you're working on that, you'll develop a better idea whether the two of you are compatible. If he likes you, things will develop naturally. If he isn't bi/gay, then I think you'll probably be able to see that without having to tell him that you're interested in him.

 

I think this is great advice. How come you haven't contacted him in a month? Why don't you call him and see how he's doing at his college? Just be his friend and show an interest in keeping that friendship up and staying close beyond high school. Maybe now that he's out of hs, he'll feel like it's easier to open up to you? I'd also work on accepting yourself and think about what it would be like to be out at school, meet some other young guys who are out, etc. It's easier when you don't have to wonder if they're gay! Good luck.