How do I get the "No Contact Rule" to work for me?

[unhappyinlove1]

Alright - I've read many posts about NC and I have a few questions about how to use it in my situation. My b/f just broke up with me and we've had no contact for about a week. I expect he'll contact me this week or next week (but not sure). Last time I saw him we agreed to be friends... and he suggested we get involved casually and I had nothing to say (I wasn't myself and didn't really say no, but I'm not going to do it). So what if he calls me up soon - do I answer the phone? And if he asks me to do something do I agree to meet up? Do I just avoid/ignore his calls? - and if so, for how long? I can't really afford to wait months of NC b/c he's been thinking about moving for almost a year - now that we're done I don't know if he plans on sticking around. So what do you do if and when they break NC - (especially if it's early after the breakup and we live sort of far from each other so there's no chance of just running into each other)?

[aireyc]

If he ends the NC well then you are obliged to respond. However, don't treat things as if they were before. He may miss you and realized what went wrong, so you may win out, but don't think things are back to normal. You have a long way to go even if you do make contact again. Personally I wouldn't talk to him, but as long as he is the one who starts it again you may want to at least say something. Be very careful though.

 

Chris

[kizzyfur]

You are NOT obligated to do anything. It all depends on what you want out of it.

 

No contact is supposed to be an aid in getting over someone after a breakup. You move on with your life.

 

I've noticed more and more people using it as a tactic to get the other person to realize they're missing something. That's not what N/C was originally meant for but sometimes does work. In this "game" there are really no rules.

 

Who initiated the N/C and for what reason? Was it to get over the other person or to make him/her realize what he/she is missing??

 

If you want to get back with him or continue to be friends, then talk to him. If you think it best that you stay apart, then it's probably better for you emotionally to avoid talking to him.

 

Don't feel obligated do to anything you don't want to do. Do whatever you think is best for you.

[otrebla]

I've noticed more and more people using it as a tactic to get the other person to realize they're missing something. That's not what N/C was originally meant for but sometimes does work. In this "game" there are really no rules.

 

Let's get naked, life is a game, with rules, I'm a big chess fan and there's a beautiful quote from the second world champion Emanuel Lasker:

"On the chessboard lies and hypocrisy do not survive long."

That's life, life is just like a chess game, you do tactics, strategy, theory and practice, you can choose the way to go, the good way or the bad way, but after all, life is a game.

[benqburner]

I think otrebla was on drugs when he wrote that. lol.

[unhappyinlove1]

I can't really say who initiated what... basically we broke up - got together one more time a few days later to talk. That's when we messed around a little and he asked me to stay over. The next morning he said he'd be willing to get into a casual relationship and maybe date others... I stupidly didn't say no (confused at the time), I left, and we haven't talked since (1 week now). I really just want him to wake up and realize just how great it was between us - and to just give it a chance. We hadn't been together that long (~6 mo's) - but it was really an amazing relationship... no fighting, just lots of laughing and good times.