Wow that was quick - she couldn't wait to go to the next guy

[herewegoagain]

I should have seen the writing on the wall, but my ex gf called me on a tuesday to end things, and I saw her out holding hands with another guy on a thursday. I even found out that she spent the weekend with him that same weekend!!!! Obviously, she already had him waitng for her.

 

Anyway, it's been about four weeks, and i've seen them out a few times since then. But I didn't say a word to either of them, and i was very nice to my mutual friends of my ex when i saw them out the same night. In other words, i was acting very cool, and i noticed how her new man was always looking over at me - I could tell he was not comfortable.

 

Anyway, I've been doing NC, and have been doing good, but I feel like writing her a letter to tell her how awful she was to do this, etc. and just tell her how i feel.

 

Is this a bad idea?

[PAdreamer]

It is a very bad idea. YOUR objective in this breakup is to come out of it as the bigger person. Don't stoop to her level. IF you want to make her feel bad for what she did, write her a letter thanking her for the good times you had together and for making you so happy while it lasted. Revenge should be done with grace and cunning... You want people to feel sorry for YOU, not her. Good luck!

[rich46]

Yes it is a bad idea - keep your cool and don't waste another bit of energy on your ex! Don't give her the satisfaction!

[accord_lowrida]

ye thats prety much what happened to me. my ex had already someone wating for her. someone completely diffrent from me. i still cant believe how she could date that guy over me... but my realtionship before her. i had this girl who had a bf, she told me how much she loves me but was still with him, i told her thats not cool u should at least brake up with him before u tell me things like that. a week after she broke off with him. i saw the guy in school everyday, and each time he gave me this scary look like he is just gonna flip on me. but i didnt do anything. but now i know better never even look at a girl or even think about a girl that already has a bf. the guy who ur gf dumped u over. i think its his fault i mean he was in her life while she was with you and he prolly knew about that. but everyone has opinions but i learned from my mistakes.

[PAdreamer]

LOL! Hey, you can look or even be interested. You can't force a girl to dump her guy for you. That's her bad decision, not yours. Here's another thing about getting ditched like this: is it really such a bad thing? Obviously the girl has no respect for you, so do you really want to be with her anyway?

[herewegoagain]

PAdreamer -

that is a good idea - if i were to write a letter, I should be nice. But i still agree with the others that I shouldn't write anything. I just want to get things off my chest and kind of say - Goodbye for good and good luck with your life.

[dpressedone89]

ok try this, write her a letter thanking her for the good times like PAdreamer said and then wish her luck with her new man, which yeah she'll feel guilty it will be like your goodbye forever thing. and just so u know i feel your pain, i had a girl break up with me, she had a new bf in like 2 hours tops so yeah it truly sucks, best of luck my friend

-stitches aka The Antihero

[bzborow1]

Why even write a letter? She's not worth your time anymore! You need to use that time to be bettering yourself and moving on to the next woman.

[Stephiepoo]

Or what you could try doing, which I did and found it helped a lot is to write the letter but just don't give it to her. In the letter you can write all your feelings about her, good or bad times. Anything you wish. And after that you can keep it and hide it away somewhere, or just burn it. I had thought about doing htat for my ex to, write a letter saying my final goodbye but then thought to myself, why? what good will that do? Obviously it won't matter to them, they are obviously don't want us, so what why would they care to know we're through with them.

 

There is something very therapudic(sp?) in writing out all your feelings in a letter to them, and burning it, its like your burning all your feelings with the letter and finally moving on and you know yourself that your through with it, so thats all that matters.!

 

That's really helped me in doing that, I wrote one and burned it, and then I fell back into missing him and stuff, so I wrote another one, but kept it so if I ever felt sad about it again, I just read the letter and just remind myself what he did to me and how much I hurt so that I won't wanna go through all that again.

As well as NC certinaly helps out alot! the letter and NC and surrounding myself with good, positive people that made me happy, really helped the situation.

 

I hope I was of some help to you,

Stephiepoo

[anon728]

There are a few people on this board going through the same thing right now. It is hard, and it is almost like your pride hurts as much as the break-up. I feel better now (2 mo since breakup, 7 weeks since NC), so it will get better with time. Occasionally I get the urge to email her and say, "what's up?" but then I think of what she did, and I say, "screw it."

 

I guess one way to think about it is this...would you REALLY want to be friends with someone that can seemingly turn-off feelings for another person (your ex) and a person that steals other people's gf/bf (your ex's new guy)?

 

EDIT: Or, to say it another way, do you want to be with a person that wants to be with someone that steals other people's gf/bf?

[herewegoagain]

yes, tht does help. I know i shouldn't worry about her anymore, but I wish that she realized that what she did was totally wrong. It seems that she has no remorse and seems like she simply hates me. honestly, that kind of hurts still. It's just baffling to me how someone can say that I'm the one for her and then a few days later, turn off her feelings for me. It just doesn't seem possible. Of course with her new man waitng in the wings, I guess it made it easier for her.

 

The thing is, I know she would not have broken up with me if she didn't have someone else waiting. I just know it. It's all a big shame that it had to end the way it did. Oh well, there's nothing else I can do.

[rich46]

It is tough to take in. However, your conscience is clear. In time, possibly when this rebound ends, she may realise what she has done and what she has lost. She will have to live with that for the rest of her life. If she never shows or feels any remorse, then quite frankly this other guy has done you a massive favour in taking her off your hands!

[herewegoagain]

Rich - good point. That really puts it in perspective. Thanks.

[anon728]

I totally agree with Rich. I know it is easier said than done, and that is not to say that I feel that way 100% of the time, however, thinking about that during weak times helps me get through this ordeal. I told my friends that her seeing someone else right away almost helps me, because I can say 'screw her,' and no one can look at me and say I did anything wrong as part of the breakup (I told her to be happy, etc.).