I feel so hurt and betrayed! Need advice!

[laurag78]

Hi i'm 25 years old my hubby is 29 and we have been married for 3 years. I find myself very attractive and my self esteem that used to be great has been at it's ultimate low lately.I know that this may seem like nothing to others but this really hurt me. I have had problems with jealousy before and ive been working on it and I was doing really good in controlling it until this past Saturaday. We took the kids to the seaquarium and I had noticed him looking at some younger girls (probably like 16-18 years old) and I paid it no mind, and later again another woman with large breast barely dressed, ok paid it no mind again. Then later after one of the shows as we are leaving, while he's holding my hand we pass by the younger girls that are still sitting in the front row and he turns his head and gives them a stare like as if he wants them to notice that he is looking at them. Mind you he has NEVER acted this way and it has changed the way i see him. If he's doing this in front of my face, imagine what he does when i'm not around. I found this to be very disrespectful towards me and i dont think that i deserved that, I would NEVER disrespect him that way, dont get me wrong if i see a good looking guy, I'll look and say to myself hey that's guys really good looking guy, but i wouldnt go as far as to make it so obvious as to straight out and stare and try and get his attention. Anyhow, I got upset and disconnected for bit because i was really hurt, I looked damn good that day why did he feel the need to do that. I confronted him and told him that i saw him and to let me know if he wanted to be alone since he was acting as if that's what he wanted, at first he stayed quiet and then he started being all nice to me, real nice, he knew he had messed up. Now, I have a reason to feel jealous and it's driving me insane, just when i thought i had overcome it. Everytime i think of what i have been through with him, everything that i have done for him, and that he would do something like this to hurt me. It's opened my eyes, now i see that he's no different than the rest. I KnoW that eyes are made to see and that it's only natural to glance at woman you find attractive, but i think there is a way to do it discreetly, to spare the one you love the pain. I honestly think those girls werent even pretty at all, I dont see the reason and when i asked him WHY? ofcourse i got the "I don't know why I did it". Bull! I just don't know if I can trust him now. Any advice on how to overcome this. Why do you think he felt the need to do this? Does it mean he may possibly want or will cheat? Any advice will be helpful. Everytime i Think about it, I want to cry! Help!

[GoodGurly]

Look I am 29 and just divorced my 2nd husband. I was married for 3 years and found out he was cheating on me with a 19 year old girl. He is 33 and Iwas in the same situation that you are in now I thought we were ok we always did things together and were very much in love at least I thought so.But follow your heart when you get the feeling down in your gut It is there for areason. Its called women intuwishon follow it>>>>>>>

[ClareMsUK]

ok, without knowing fully the situation, it sounds to me like he was just being a typical guy. not really wanting to hurt your feelings but at the same time not caring enough to not. its possible also that he is so aware of how good looking you are that this makes him feel intimidated. guys were probably checking you out all day, that you were unaware of but him, being a guy noticed it. guys cannot be discreet about it, ever!! it was disrespectful and id advise him to never do it again in front of, tell him that you are aware that its normal to appreciate beauty but not to ogle. also point out that you do it yourself, let him know that you are not immune to good looks, but you respect him and your relationship enough to be discreet. try and not let this set you back, as you were doing so well. jealousy just eats you up and thats an awful thing, especialy when that group of girls would probably give anything to look like you. find strength from within and then no matter what anyone says or does it cannot affect you. don't look to others to build self esteem they are only good at knocking it. tell him how it made you feel, then leave it at that. if it happens again after that get tough. don't play tit for tat games or anything as this will not solve anything. i hope i have said something to make you feel better, i would have felt the same, but you have to remind yourself that at the end of the day if he's gonna cheat he will do it anyway whether you are jealous or strong, so my best advice is to find inner strength and fight the jealousy, but point out anything that annoys you so he knows where he stands and knows never to do it again. i don't think this means he will cheat i think he was doing what all guys at some point do. good luck x

[odysseus77]

as far as jealousy goes....i like it when my womam is a bit on the jealous type....it shows they care....its a hell of a lot better than them not giving a damn that you are looking else where

 

just my two cents

[dpressedone89]

ok well i wouldnt worry if i were you, most guys look at other women, its nature and if the woman is being such and attention...hog its hard for a guy not to look its probably nothing but keep your guard up if it gets more intense then you have a problem, and go with your instincts

-stitches aka The Antihero

[laurag78]

Thanks for the advice, but that's just it I didnt see him before as a typical guy, I thought that he was different. Maybe now his true colors are beginning to show and it's scaring me.

 

I'm really trying to feel better and on the surface I look okay, but deep down inside " Im hurting". I admit that i'm a very sentimental person and my emotions get the best of me sometimes and I can't help it!

[CarterJonas]

First thing first, whether we (men and women) are single, engaged or married, all of us check out the opposite sex to some extent. As you say you do it yourself and I do it! You cannot expect hime to change, otherwise what is he supposed to do each time a woman passes him?

 

Now if he continues to BLATANTLY STARE at women when you are with him, the next time you see an attractive guy you do the same to him; your husband will soon stop this behaviour. Remember that you cannot stop him finding other women attractive, the same with you and other men.

 

There is a lot of difference between thinking that she is ok and cheating, especially as he loves and values you, otherwise he would not have married you.

[laurag78]

It's the way he did it that hurt me the most. The image plays in my mind over and over again. I have trouble looking him in the face, it hurts me. I look at him and i dont see the same person. I dont know maybe i'm just crazy!

[i_hate_the_world47]

I wouldnt worry.Guys looks at other girls.They wouldnt be guys if they didnt.But this doenst mean he loves you any less.

 

~meagan~

[Mun]

Laugag,

I totally understand how you feel. I would have been hurt too.

 

The thing is that if you continue to press the issue and argue about it you are going to start looking very insecure. You don't want this because before long he will start to think that you are right and maybe you aren't good enough.

 

What you must do is to let it slide ( guys look at girls all the time-its natural). If he does something that is inappropriate then you can deal with him. In the meantime behave as if you are the best thing in the world. Believe it and he will believe it too. I'm serious. Do not be intimidated by other women and if you are DO NOT SHOW IT.

 

Confidence is the most attractive of qualities right along with dignity. So hold on to both while hubby is eyeing the girls.

 

Don't know if I said this before but there was some study done where the men said that no self-esteem was the worst quality a woman could have. It's worth noting .