he's already with someone. HUGE revelation.

[wicked6018]

guess who called me today, it's a shocker:

the woman he lives with (the sister of his ex before me. i've written about her and her husband that he lives with on previous threads)

 

she told me that he has a new girlfriend.

she told me that he has not been at the house in three weeks.

three weeks is how long we have been broken up.

 

i ended up spending about 3 hours with this woman, who up until today i despised, and learned the truth about it all. he has been lying to me for two years. things that he did and said to me are exactly what he did to his other ex, her sister.

 

less than a week ago, he told both me and my mom that he does not want to see anyone else for a really long time. he lied to my MOM'S FACE. he was already seeing this new girl. AND, i am pretty sure he is living with her.

 

at first i was like, how can i believe this woman that i have always not liked on anything? but then, he texted me a little while later and it is definitely true. he started sending me these nasty texts, and i said, "don't text me you * * * * * * * , go * * * * your new girlfriend."

 

my whole family is shocked. he pulled the wool over all our eyes.

 

i guess it is good to know that he is scum and that i definitely do not need him/want him back. up until today, i still loved him. now, i am just filled with rage.

 

but it just hurts so much that this man who was my life, who i thought was so honest, caring, loving, in love with me, good, perfect, already is with someone, and was probably cheating on me with her.

 

i'm hoping that it will help me move on faster.

 

so ironic that now i am talking to his ex and her sister, and we are being friendly toward each other. he hurt her, and then he did the exact same thing to me.

[AvonRepus]

That's why I encourage sharing stories about past relationships. Of course as long as it's appropriate. My husband has cheated on all of his girlfriends but I let myself to think that I might be the exception. And he cheated on me numerous times,while I was helping him through Detoxing,while I was taking care of his mom,while I was struggling with the serious relationship responsibilities. Emotionally and physically. That's the the way he resolves his issues.By cheating and even though he tried to say he's going to change ,he never did.

 

I hate myself for letting him do it but live and learn.

 

It hurts and it hits your self-esteem,you might think you are not worth it and all that. We all have been through this but don't let yourself think that it's your fault and don't take it personally.

 

If they cheat once and are not completely committed to being transparent with their actions on phone, texting, emails, etc... then the likelihood that it will happen again is 100%. This is a personality disorder that we;re talking about. Their need to get attention from other people is like an addiction. And what's worse is that in their minds they are ENTITLED to do it because they think they are better than anyone else. Slowly they put you down and make you feel worthless to the point that you truly believe that you don't deserve anything better. The ONLY way to tell if the person that cheated on you is really willing to make things right is for them to give up their privacy and they will never do that. If you look back at your relationship you will notice that there were red flags from the very beginning. We tend to rationalize these feelings... these gut feelings which are just nature's way of telling us we're in DANGER. The natural response should be to want to RUN away.. but these people are so manipulative and deceptive that they convince us not to listen to our gut feelings! They typically are extremely intelligent and resourceful in order to get another fix of their drug... 'attention'. It's an endless pit. No ONE will ever fill it. That's why they constantly need more. If you have doubt, if you have a sick feeling in your gut that this "could" happen again... I assure you it WILL. After many relationships that involved betrayal,all of which came with red flags from the very beginning, I have learned that if I feel something is wrong... something IS wrong. Save yourself. You're life will only get worse and it will only take longer to heal from a life with a deceptive, manipulative person... who may actually "love" us the best they know how... they are truly sick and you or anyone else will not change them. If it makes you feel better, they will cheat anyone they're with. It's not you. It's not your fault. It never was. It's nothing you did. Just remember that. They will cheat, PERIOD. Ask God to give you the strength to protect yourself and cut them off completely!! May God give you strength you ask for.

[Angel Irulan]

Looking back, was he too good to be true?

 

Angel

[wicked6018]

thank you. oh and trust me, i do not want him back! i deserve so much better! he was very good to me in the beginning, but i guess he was just reeling me in. i saw this girl a few months ago and he was talking about her, he got a text from her that i saw, and i had this bad feeling. i guess that was a red flag but i did not see it. i have completely cut him off. i did so before i found all of this out today. he is a pathological liar. i know he will cheat again on whatever poor soul gives herself up to him. although, this new girl he is with is very trashy and new that he was with me, so i wouldn't be surprised if she cheats on him, too. i deserve the world and i just hope there is someone out there for me who will NEVER ever hurt me. i just want to be loved. i thought he loved me but the sad truth is that he didn't. and i just want to move past this as fast as possible.

[wicked6018]

angel irulan, no, he was not. in the beginning, yes. BUT, i had just come out of another bad relationship, and i guess i just thought anyone else would be better. he was so "perfect" for the first few months, but then things changed. he was so un-romantic, even when he proposed to me. he was less affectionate. did not celebrate my bday or valentines day. argued with me. i will definitely not give him the time of day again. he deserves nothing from me.

[Silverbirch]

Good Riddance Wicked!

[wicked6018]

yes, it is. but still hurts so so much.

[motleylou]

Sorry you're going through this. It happens to a lot of people these days. My ex gf who did seem perfect and I thought she could be the one just cheated on me. And she did this 4 weeks after we made the decision to live together an 2 days after we had just come back from a romantic couples vacation. I guess she got freaked out by the move and wasnt as ready as she thought she was. But it's more than that bc she lied to me about everything an acted like such a mean person post breakup,she treated me like I was the one who cheated ok her.

 

It makes me think if you ever really know another person. She for the most part was the best gr I have ever had. I never saw this coming from her. Since we broke up she led the kid she cheated on me with on before telling him in front of all his friends to stick to girls in his own league. Then she went and spent a week with her ex who she told me time and time again meant nothing and he was a duche bag. Before she finally lands into a relationship with someone 8 years older than her. Wow is all I had to say,she did a complete 180 from the girl I fell in love with.

 

Like you I'm strict nc didnt even say happy bday to her last week. It's helped to know that it wasn't that we were just incompatible but that she doesn't know what she wants and is a lier and a cheater. Keep your head up and stay positive there are better people out there. Just know there are plenty of other people out there like myself that have went through similar situations.

[LaKings55]

Seems like a common occurrence these days. My ex told me she didn't have time for a relationship anymore, despite a year of actively being in a relationship and many months of friendship before that. Interestingly enough, she started seeing someone else just a couple weeks after we broke up. They broke up after a month or so, but still. So much for "I don't have time for a relationship." Broke my heart, but I've managed to get over it in just under 5 months. I quickly went from depression to anger to indifference and apathy. I totally see why guys become jerks and use women. I guarantee you that many of those guys may have been decent at some point, and got their hearts broken. That may not justify their behavior, but it can certainly explain it. In fact, I've personally known several guys who after getting their heart broken, set out to start sleeping with as many women as they can, and just stop caring about being a good partner. Can't say I'm not leaning that way myself.

[wicked6018]

i don't care how hurt someone gets. there is no excuse.

[LaKings55]

No, obviously not, but since it is indeed the case in some situations. Though trust me, there are just some guys out there who set out to just use women from about age 16 on. Definitely no excuse for them. My main point is that if everyone treated everyone with fairness and compassion, things wouldn't snowball out of control. Jerk uses woman, that woman uses a nice guy, nice guy becomes a jerk, and so on and so on. I'm not saying that decent guys don't rise above heartbreak and failure, but I've seen, and been tempted myself, to just say "screw it, that's the last time a woman lies and uses me." It would be like you in this situation just going out, finding a decent, albeit desperate man, dating him for a while, sleeping with him, feigning interest and romance, and then kicking him to the curb in say 2-4 months. I doubt you'd ever pull something like that, but it does happen, and more often than you'd think. Both men and women get used in rebounds everyday. A lot of the time to make an ex jealous, or just to satisfy that immediate void. Like I said, that's not excusing the behavior. I can say that a man who's family has a history of alcoholism is prone to heavy drinking, but that doesn't mean he gets a free pass when he drinks and drives. Just like I can say that a man who targets children does so because he was abused as a child. Obviously such acts are intolerable and punished severely. So in the case of "using" people, we can explain the behavior to help us understand, but not excuse it. The human mind is an intensely unique and complicated thing. Who knows why people do the things they do? How does our subconscious manifest itself. A lot of times after break-ups, we see perfectly normal people do desperate things like driving by their exes house, or pleading with them. Why? Their brain has gone into panic mode, their instincts against loss take over. The receiver of these actions is probably going to go "Wow, what a psycho, I'm so glad I'm not with them anymore, in fact I should call the cops." Rarely does someone stop and say "wow, they really took the break-up hard, I really feel sorry for them, and I know this behavior will subside soon."