Things Left Unsaid

[imsuperman]

I decided to make a journal. It will be stupid. I advise against reading it. I had a big long intro thing I spent over an hour typing, and it didn't post because I was logged out. Off to a rousing start as usual.

 

It's now 1:20 AM, and I'm going to bed.

 

Good night.

[imsuperman]

She's the sweetest girl I've ever met that I can remember.

 

And she'll be two hours away in three weeks.

[imsuperman]

 

 

There's the nephew and I.

 

He's pretty much got my number.

[imsuperman]

Observation:

 

Anyone ever hook up with a girl and then lie to a girl you really thought was relationship material about it? She asked me my plans. I lied. What if she thought I was an awful person for it?

 

Until I find a single woman I'm attracted to, this is just how it has to be.

 

It just doesn't happen. The good ones are taken already.

 

Because they're the good ones.

 

You wouldn't know unless you'd seen it your whole life.

 

And yes, I'm bitter about it.

 

Believe me when I say that you would be too.

[imsuperman]

I'm getting more job interview experience, but no offers yet. I'm going to start going to school full time again and working less. I have to push through it and get to where I want to be.

[imsuperman]

I admit that I'm a little salty about not getting that internship with the city I work for. It would have been more money and it's right by where I work now. I made it to the second and final interview. They finally got back with me and said that I had strong writing skills, but they didn't think the internship was what I wanted to be doing with my degree or something. That's funny, I thought it WAS what I wanted to be doing.

 

I don't feel like a misrepresented myself in any way. Web sites are only part of what my degree entails, but they chose to think it was the main part.

 

When I asked them what they said the most important skill the intern had to have they said...strong writing skills.

 

If nothing works out, I'm seriously going to be a construction worker. It was good enough for my dad and his dad, so it's good enough for me. I don't care if I lose ten pounds in a day. I don't care how difficult it is. Really. I mean it. Something has to change.

 

Anyway, I think everyone, not least of all me, has had enough of this boring drag of a journal. So I wanted to have so form of entertainment.

 

In honor of AMC's Mob Week, which I'm not watching a minute of due to excessive commercials and editing, here's a classic, unedited scene from Goodfellas.

 

[video=youtube;r_DwZfyXAXI]

[imsuperman]

I'm so sick of where I work.

 

If I'm going to do everyone else's work, my pay should be multiplied accordingly.

 

How do ya like them apples?

[imsuperman]

I was thinking today of how I look stupid in every photograph ever taken of me.

 

Prize fighter? What is this? I'm always doing some weird (edited) with my arms. Does anyone else have this problem?

 

 

 

I never have anything to talk about. Sue me.

[Cheetarah]

That's quite a noble pose.

[imsuperman]

^^

[imsuperman]

I so desperately wanted the monkey in Rise of The Planet of the Apes to shank the mean one with that knife he stole.

 

But really that's my solution to everything.

 

(Gasp) "They only gave us one cheeseburger."

 

(Narrows eyes)

 

Good night...and have a pleasant tomorrow.

[imsuperman]

A friend I saw recently said he could tell I'd been hitting the weights.

 

It got me thinking about why I started working out in the first place I've never really discussed it. When I was 20 this same friend and I went to a bar near this same friend's college campus. He owed me money and so he got us a pizza. I think the guys at the bar thought we were either gay, or they just didn't like college boys coming into the establishment. I went into the bathroom and went to the stall when I saw the bathroom had a low urinal. When you're 6'4, you care about these things. I'll not be seen squatting down to urinate like some guy on a horse. Some little old fart yelled, "Just don't pee in the sink," and some other guy laughed. They left, and I came out to this short white-haired guy wearing a Notre Dame hat. As an aside, most people who like ND are horrible people (sorry ND fans, but these are based on my own personal "studies") He was a younger guy. He stood blocking my path directly. I walked by him back to the table, but let my shoulder hit his a little. He turned to look, but said nothing. My friend asked what that was about. I told him I wasn't sure, and that was the end of it.

 

They were, for whatever reason, trying to goad me into a fight. The only real fight I'd ever been in was in fifth grade and I cried my eyes out not because I was hurt, but because I had to go to the Principal's office. I was a goody-goody, and hated getting in trouble. (That year I also coincidentally had a strict teacher, who once gave me a detention for touching someone else's book to get a better look at the title, I'm not lying. She did it just to get me in detention.)

 

I realized I needed to get stronger. I was tall and skinny, maybe 175 pounds. The next day I went to a gym and curled 25s for some sets, and my arms were locked in the same position for a whole week. I couldn't extend or retract them from my sides all the way. It was an unreal pain. I did WAY too much weight.

 

After a year and a half, I gained up to 210 while working at an internship and lifting, and though I was strong, I was still a little too hefty around the waist. I stopped for a good while and dropped all the way down to 190 after I stopped working at a gym where I could go for free. I recommitted myself this year and I'm up to 205 and I look stronger than I did at 210 because I'm much more lean now. I'm not super-strong, but I look like I've worked out some. I work out with my own stuff now. I have an Olympic barbell set and an interchangeable dumbbell set.

 

Ultimately, I did it so people would stop picking on me. Like something out of a movie.

 

I just like the way it feels. It's fun when it's over. You look forward to it until you have to actually start lifting.

 

But I wouldn't do it if I didn't get certain feelings out of it.

[imsuperman]

A word to shy guys:

 

If you don't talk to pretty girls, the terrorists win.

[imsuperman]

Last night I found a good way to spend an evening was watching my seven month old nephew chase my dog around by army crawling and rolling, all while I pointed and egged him on. He's my little troublemaking minion.

 

The dog didn't have nearly as much fun.

[imsuperman]

Now that I've come to terms...

 

So let's see...

I am a trainer/equipment maintenance worker for a city. I go to school, so I don't have a lot of social opportunities to meet women. The good thing is, I occasionally run into attractive ones at work. One in particular was a girl who is maybe four years younger than me that I recognized because she used to come into my old job. Back then she was still in HS and too young to date, so I never really talked to her.

 

Luckily, all these years later, she started coming into my current work. I couldn't believe my luck. I CAN ACTUALLY TALK TO AND GO OUT WITH HER NOW! I said hi and smiled at her once or twice. She smiled back once and waved. Cool. I wanted to talk to her one night, but I didn't know what to say to start. I thought I would say something stupid. I'm never good with opening lines. I think it's infinitely easier to meet women who you're introduced to. I waffled this one Thursday in January. Should have done it. Didn't. She got mad. The next time I smiled and said Hi she huffed and looked away. I got mad and refused to do anything else for her. Eventually, after about a moth of coming once or twice a week, she stopped coming.

 

People don't get it. I'm sick of everything always being my fault.

 

If you treat me bad, that's your problem.

 

In this case, it's someone I didn't even know, but I wanted to try.

 

Wanting to get to know her was apparently not good enough. Now I'll probably never see her again.

 

I don't think I'm capable of relating to women anymore. There's just too much hatred and resentment they can't let go of.

 

Why should I not follow someone else's passive-aggressive victimization with a bit of my own? What's good for you is good for me, right?