Spent a day with the ex - slightly confused..help!

[Christy416]

Recently I asked my ex out for a group hangout with some mutual friends - I know it's a pretty bad idea, but I thought it was better than nothing. Also, we've been getting more friendly towards each other and I think he's warming up to the idea of spending more time together (whether alone or with friends, I don't know yet). Spending the day with him was pretty interesting - we still had some awkwardness when we were alone, but other than that, it was pretty good - not the same, but better than the NC we were going through a month ago.

 

Now the confusing parts that I need help with -

1. He asked if I was free the night before our get together (this was after I invited him to the group hang out) for dinner.

2. We originally sat in the movies in a way where he was sitting next to me (I was near the end), but when he came back from buying snacks, he sat at the other end, claiming that it was easier. This confused me so much (and it hurt a bit too).

3. Once the movies was over, he seemed to relax more and when we all went to lunch, he started joking around and teasing me again.

4. At dinner, when he talked, he started looking at me in the eyes and we actually held the eye contact for a good duration of the convo (I noticed this since it was such a change from our other encounters after the break up - we barely were able to look at each other before).

5. He started texting/IMing me a bit more - not super frequently, but like once a day now - after the hang out.

6. A friend mentioned that he seemed slightly annoyed at my close friend getting touchy with me (we were just joking around and he was hugging me a few times throughout the day). But I wasn't able to confirm this since I sort of avoided looking at him too much (this was before dinner and us having the whole eye-moment thing).

7. And, recently, I put up a status about "coming to realizations" after talking to my friend about his relationship. He IMed me and said "realizations aren't good sometimes" and asked what they were. I eventually told him it was nothing and that I was just talking to my friend about his relationship with his gf. He replied in a sort of derisive way, asking if I realized he was an a**hole. Then went on to say that it was understandable if I thought so (probably because of our breakup and the NC we went through). I immediately told him that wasn't it, but I didn't want to tell him it was that I realized I was ready for a relationship again (whether with him or another, I don't know. At that moment, I was just thinking that it would be nice to have someone again). We eventually just trailed off of the subject, but the convo stayed in my mind since he reacted more than usual.

 

I thought I should post this on here to ask for some advice rather than frustrate myself to death thinking about it. What would you do in this situation? Continue to invite him out or wait for him to invite? Say that we're friends or continue to hope for a makeup? I know it's early to guess on the whole friends or more bit, but I'm just trying to foresee any bumps in the road ahead and find out whether or not I should prepare myself for them.

 

And I'm not quite sure if he accepted to hang out because he wanted to hang out with me or just because he missed the company of everyone else. He hasn't been able to see many friends due to conflicts in his schedule. Ah, this is confusing..

[Keme]

When exes start meeting up again, I always think it's better to let the dumper to most of the inviting. Your boyfriend already rejected you (I don't mean it in a bad or rude sense, just a technical sense) by dumping you. It's better that you don't risk further rejection. He has nothing to lose, and since he broke up with you, there's no way a rejection from you will be as bad for him as a rejection from him will be for you. And it seems like he's just trying to be friends with you at this point, but his signals are pretty mixed so it's impossible to tell.

[CatsMeeoow]

This is why its best NOT to hang out with exs.

 

You clearly desire him back. But, him? We know he ended it so he has decided he doesn't want you (for whatever reason - do not take it personal). Unless he starts saying things like - he wants another chance to make things work... and yes, he must be clear in this. Simple I miss you's are not enough. Then you have to assume he isn't looking to have you back.

 

When you hang out with an ex under these circumstances you already see what happens... you read into every little gesture, statement, eyes rolling, smiles. You take false hope from it or let it hurt you... you let yourself enter a state of confusion.

 

Now - before you weren't confused. He ended it and you knew you had to let him go, but here you are hanging out and you are letting yourself get strung along.

 

This is why most on this board advocate NC. You really need time and separation from the relationship to heal and move forward. I'm not trying to scold you but just make you realize the pitfalls of what you are doing. (I did them too!) Yes, its possible to be friends with an ex but it takes some time and distance from the relationship. If you are wanting more than that I'm sorry to say that it isn't up to you... its up to him. No amount of hanging out will change his mind... only hurt you. If he realizes he made a mistake and wants another chance I'm 100% certain he knows where to find you!

 

HUGS! Good Luck.