Confusion from a very vague ending..what to do?

[NoDice]

So my girlfriend(and coworker) of the last 5 months dumped me right before 4th of july, throughout our time together there were issues with her communicating, her ex would not give us space( would go out of his way to make an appearance/ text her at night) and she stopped being friends with him because of it but blamed me, even though he obviously still had feelings for her. She hated arguing, which we only did 4 times, walked all over me most of the time, but I still loved her and would let her know that since she told me that this was her first serious relationship (shes 27) that that kind of stuff wasn't cool. Anyways I treated her like a queen for the most part, I was understanding, caring, loving, supportive, and willing. I got her flowers, spent mothers day with her mom and grandma and family(first bf to do that), gifts, suprizes, did yard work for her, fixed her bike, picking up the tab usually, massages, cooked dinner, anything really...and without her asking most of the time and not really caring if I got anything in return. she would go quiet if I was ever bummed out and flip any situation back onto me for example "Me- You told me you coming over after the movie at your place that was done at 9, I was waiting since then and its now 11:30" Why didn't you give me a heads up?'- "My roommates(who adored me) and I started playing a drinking game instead and got drunk, I didn't feel like taking the bus, and knew you would be upset so I didn't want to call" "Why are you making me feel like **** for wanting to have fun with my friends?" But other times things were good and she would tell my how good i was to her, and that I am a keeper like her mom said. So a few months ago she backs out of our plan on moving in later this year because we argue and that scares her, then 3 weeks ago she un-invites me on the hawaii trip she and her friends were going on a week after inviting me.. so I was let down and I asked her "do I make you happy?" and shes like yeah but I need space,(fyi- she was unhappy with her roommates, her job, her dysfunctional dad, her cats, and her friends) and I asked ok well "if I wasn't making you happy you would tell me right?" and shes like of course you do...

 

So she comes over one night after work (to hang out & spend the night she said)and a great! week together... all of the sudden she starts talking about how things have been so rough between us and how she doesn't know if its going to work but it has to, we talk then kiss have sex(sex was horrible because towards the very end she went dead fish and at the very end started crying) I wouldn't have done it if I had noticed we both got off but after she got off it was like a different story..I felt horrible still do.. anyways she says she doesn't know if she loves me..even though 20 mins before she said she did...started bawling for 45 mins saying shes so unhappy, that we aren't a good match, that we bring out the worst in each other, etc etc etc every vague excuse ever..no concrete reasons.. then starts crying again and holds me, then lays on the couch holding her stomach telling me to look at what its doing to her..I was calm held her hand and said "baby no relationship is going to be easy but if there were things bothering you, why wait till now to bring them up instead of address them when they first started?" No answer! She said it had been stewing for over a month, and that she felt awful about it and cried more, said I was a good person but not right for her...she left, then I ran outside grabbed her and kissed and hugged her and told her think about it..and that I loved her..(called her 3 times right after she left but she didn't pick up, shock reaction)..

 

then NC.

 

So the next day I called into work because I was crying like goat and didn't want to see her, trying to figure out why this had happened, and what her reasons were, she wasn't very mature, shy, very flighty, and pretty in that too pretty to not have issues way.

 

On the 4th... shes texts me saying shes playing pinball(something i taught her) and that she cares... I was weak and said I cared and asked if we could try again? She said "I do care, but I don't know right now sorry" I text back like an idiot saying "We had something, there was some kind of love between us, I wish you would give it a chance, I still love you"...she texts back " I am drunk right now, so it doesn't count"..

 

NC again

 

on thursday I found out I was being asked to resign because of calling in on sunday even though my manager gave it to me off...(best week ever)

 

on friday my next day I was suppose to be back at work she texts me during the day "did you quit work?'..I ignored it.

 

So I am stuck, I look back and see she treated me like total **** sometimes, but other times she was supportive and nice...I never was rude to her, or cheat, or anything, or did anything to piss her off really. She would always say you are so great and honorable thats why I am hanging onto you. The thing is I don't know if shes going to try and contact me again, because so far when I have been trying to heal, when I am hitting a break through she pops up..

 

Could things ever work out? I am not sure to me and to my understanding she has things she needs to work out with herself, if I am just some casualty of her trying to make her life a better place then whatever, but I do still love her even though shes one cold ass child/woman..My main issue with letting go is that physically she was my ideal type (tall, I am 6'6 so its hard to find) dark hair, dark eyes, nice body, we had a lot in common since I was barely a year older. Its just hard ...shes still on my FB(deleted now) since we have a ton of mutual work friends or ex work friends now...

 

What do I do? How do I cope when it seems like she just got scared backed out? I feel like I lost the best thing ever? And honestly I treated her better than any girl I have ever dated! I lost my job(and where she worked) in part because of my reaction to this...not even my fiance leaving me was so confusing or hurtful.

 

Finding a new job isn't hard but giving the impression that I quit because of her, which I didn't really sucks hard ****.

[boyblue]

Hi

 

My own BU was with a girl who it looks like had the same mentality as yours and I would like to say watch very carefully what you say and how you interact as she will destroy your sanity, I know mine did. You were talking about her being shy/flighty etc and I would also add to that cold and probably non-responsive, you also said she would twist things too make it look all your fault.

 

All I can say is this girl is completely confused and sorry to say but she has personal/emotional issues too that she probably cannot bring to share with you. This is a person who lets it all build up and hides emotions/problems until it all comes out in the wash and guess what the nearest and dearest person is usually "it".

 

I know it is something people keep advocating on here like it is the panacea of all relationship repair but you should definitely definitely go hardcore NC with her, more to heal yourself and move on. Bud this girl will pull you down with her and she will make you the fall guy in every situation while she walks away tall and with the power, do not let her do it, do not interact with her in any way possible and remove any and all form of communication medium that you can contact her through. I don't mean throw your phone out but delete numbers and online accounts that let you/her contact each other it is the only way you will pull yourself away from this toxic person.

 

I know how you feel I was really into my EX and I struggled for 6 months to wean myself away from her, I mistakenly made contact a few times during which she used me as a an emotional band-aid making me feel bad. By the way you were treating her too nice, doing too much for her and all the rest, pull way back and let her be.

 

If she does contact you ignore it and if you feel you must reply to anything come here for advice first, don't do it without lots of advice first.

 

Good luck

 

BB