Hello there? do you think this man is using me? Plzzz help!!!

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In 2009 i moved in with bf in a new country, bc of stress from previous marriage bf had Erectile dyfunction,he would constantly blame it on me though,stating i was to loose below.We would have constant fights over our sex life.I became very tired and stressed and so did he . He's a man that show compassion in our everyday life,(even took me to buy an engagement ring but i thought it was too soon in the relationship and said to give it time) yet he can be very insecure,example with me talking on my phone(always assuming it was a man).He would always grab it from me and hide it,because he brought it. I tried my very best to cope with the sex cause i love him and wanted to be with him. But it was too much and idecided to leave,after several break ups.

 

We kept in contact as friends, and i tried to work on my self esteem and also the temper i had developed in that relationship. I was more peaceful and loving. After a few months i felt like i

not only wanted a bf but rather a husband,i started praying to God sincerely for that,and my ex kept crossing my mind. Now at this point my ex was showing all the signs he missed me,he still

lives alone and has no gf,he even mentioned he visited doctors about his ED prob.

 

I asked him if he was will to give the relationship another try and he said yes and mentioned he had never stop loving me,also i thought i was best to have a relationship with somone who already knows him well and he must agree,we were both too aggressive before.The next five month of disscusing our reunion was very happy for me.

We hooked up and sex was the same,but i showed alot of patience.He didnt have anything to say i did all the talking,i figured he was just skeptic and wanted to take it slow. i didnt want to pressure him.

 

We hooked up a few times after that and wow! he was showing sooooo much affection,holding my hand as we listen to soft music, kissing me while i cooked and hugging me for no reason.

 

Then out of the blue magic took place in the bed,i thought i was making love to another man. This ED prob vanished i was sooooo satisfied!!!! he gave me all the credit stating because of my

shown patience and love.

 

After this i started noticing distance in phone calls and text, then he got disgusted i was sending so many text he said to give him a break he's busy working. We hooked up a few times again,but i just rolled with the good times and didnt question his distance when we were apart.

 

One afternoon i got a text from him stating he loves me so much but is sooooooo scared i will change back to the person i was before,but he like being around me,thinks about me everyday,he like looking after me and is coincedering marrying to me. I was thrilled, happppy!!!

 

Then the distant started again,three days later he texted stating he wants a break up cause he's too scared to be with me,he is getting old (45) and he doesnt want to make anymore miss takes in his life.I told him we were scared and argued alot over the ED prob,now that he is cured and we are so happy,why is he running in the opposite direction? i(30yrs old) was sooooo crashed,i cried to him to plzzzzz give us a chance,he refused. i cried and stressed myself alot.

 

I would sent alot of texts to him to try to show him not to be scared it can work this time around and how much i love him and i know he sees the differnce in my behaviour towards him is nothing but love. He stood to his point but after a few days texted he misses me. I asked him to reconcider he said we have to meet and talk in person about this kind of matter.

 

He made it clear to me it was only talk and no sex this time around cause it was a serious matter,i appreciated this in him and abide.But when i visited him the opporsite took place! sex and when i tried to talk he kept saying we had time. He was very affection too. Then i had to go, the talk never took place. i am confused? Ive texted him twice about it he keeps saying he will reply later but text about other topics,totally ignoring the matter at hand.

 

This is a man that pays for my ticket every two weeks or a month to see him in his country and gives me money when am leaving because he knows i am not working. We've spent days at a time together or 2 to 3 weeks together. He cooks some times and washes the clothes,buys me pretty things at boutiques,takes me on trips and dinning.

 

Opinion apperciated. ](*,)

[oldenoughtoknow]

I think you just need to give it some more time. It may be the difficult past between the two of you when you were first together that is giving him some doubts. Or, it may be that he is wondering if he wants to look for someone else, now that his ED has been cured. Either way, I would continue to back off and give him time to think.

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Thank you oldenoughtoknow, i really appreciate the advise. I have tried hard to give him time yes,and he always surprise me with something nice in a few days but

quickly withdraws again. Thanks again!!!

[oldenoughtoknow]

Well, I would give it some more time, but not too much more time. When he wants to see you again, make it clear that it is to talk about your relationship and future together. If this continues as is, then I would agree that he is only using you. But, he can't do that without your consent - be clear with what you want, and stick to it.