a few relationship questions

[Amannamederic]

Im still new to the whole breakup scene but i have to know. Is it better to talk to someone your still in love with after 3 years (we broke up recently) or to completely not talk. She claims to have fallen in love with another guy but still texted me with a "Happy birthday, i love you, have a great day" even though it was the first time she texted me in a long time. I dont know what to make of that either, we talked a little bit and she wants to hear dreams ive had about her (painfully real ones lol) and as usual seemed very happy to talk.

Her and her new boyfriend, who shes been friends with for 9 years and dating on and off for a few weeks because he yells at her, are doing good she says and are talking about having sex, which is something she talked about with me but in 3 years we never did a THING (thats right not one thing) so im only a little bit jealous over that. My main concern is that im miserable when im not talking to her, but when i do talk to her it starts out fine but i always start wondering about whether or not she still loves me. This goes on for awhile until im pretty sure she still wants me, and then she says something or drops a detail about her and her boyfriend that sends me back down.

My question would have to be, am i just someone who she counts on as being there when she is lonely or needs attention? And would it be better just to once and for all not talk to her again? any help would be appreciated.

 

-Eric

[brtlangst]

I think she wants both of your guy's attention. Which isn't fair of her to do. She might be wanting to use you as a friend, to talk to about her problems and such. Which is fine if you're okay with being her friend and listening to her talk about her bf. But personally I'd move on and forget about her. I dated a guy for 2 years, fell in love with another guy and never talked to the guy i dated before. I know it's not fair and it hurts really bad but you can't let yourself get walked on by her. You need to figure out what's right for you and focus more on yourself. Otherwise she'll keep coming back to hurt you again, kind of like putting you on the back burner.

But if you dated this girl for 3 years and you're 17 that means you started dating when you were 14. Personally I think long lasting relationships in high school are hard to deal with. You can grow more if you date a number of people. But I don't have much room to talk, lol.

Good luck if you need anything else I'm here,

-Amie

[Superfly81]

If I were you, I wouldn't contact her at all. Seems like she is a 'bad girl'. If she shows interest, it's only because she doesn't get it from her new Romeo. So, you're still and always will be second best.

 

Go get yourself someone for who YOU are the nr One, 'cause you deserve it!

[bzborow1]

I agree. The first thing you should do is cut off all contact from her. No MSN, no email, no phones, no meeting, etc....Think of it this way....if u keep talking to her as you are you're telling her you're OK with the arrangement....you've given her NO REASON TO CHANGE. Or as Dr.Phil would say, "you teach ppl how to treat you". I'm mean think about it. She broke up with you and is now telling you she may have sex with her new bf...if it was me i'd feel completely disrespected by her.

 

Don't plan on her changing, but from where I sit no contact is the only thing you can do if you actually want her back (and think she's even worthy of you)....and the only thing you can do to get past your feelings for her.

 

Now also keep in mind that I'm not suggesting you go a yell at her telling her to respect you blah blah. Just cut off contact and move on, you've got more important things to deal with then an ex.

[Towny]

I agree with brtlangst on this one. When you are in high school all of these relationships seem so much larger than life. The "thinkers" among us spend way too much of their time worrying about them and not enough time doing the things that they enjoy and experiencing the company of other people. Rarely do relationships that begin in a person's teens last very far into their 20's and a miniscule amount make it past that. Everybody has their first loves and that is just part of growing and learning. I mean, if you only had one, then you couldn't label them your "first", right?

 

If she is using you as a sounding-board for her problems then she feels comfortable with you. Use this as an opportunity to walk away feeling good about the fact that she'll remember you as someone who listened and cared. But, yes, lessen your contact with her. Give her a few years to date some real "winners", but don't be surprised when you get that unexpected phone call as you're on a date with your then *current* girlfriend.