So 6 months later..

[GaelicSoul]

Hello all, well heres my story, so hope it helps with people coping from a breakup.

 

Im a 28 year old guy and was going out for my Ex GF 25 year old for almost 2.5 years. She was just finished college when we first met, and we fell for each other immediatley. So 3 Months into the relationship, she got cold feet or GIGS as people say around here, she gave me the old "its not you its me". So we broke up, then after 4 weeks of NC later she begged me back. We got back together as i felt she was just young and confused, so the next year and a half was amazing, we grew very close and intimate, fun times together up until christmas 2009, where she was acting funny and distant towards me. I found out she was texting another guy for two weeks, which she denied until i confronted her. She swore nothing was going on, however she said "i thought about kissing him for a second, but i didnt because i love you"..my heart split intp pieces, so i told her she better make up her mind if she wanted to be single and party with her friends or be with me.

 

She was crying and swore she wanted to stay with me, and was just going through a confused period. On hinsight i should have dumped her then.

 

About this time my close friends found out about her texting the oher guy and took a huge dislike to her. She didnt help the situation and was giving me ultimatums of "me or them".. These were my close friends for years, so i tried my best to weather the storm. So i gave her a chance and we got on with things, while also trying to also appease my friends.

 

I broke up with her in March 2010 as we were fighting a lot, and i felt she wasnt respecting me anymore. So for nearly a month she cried and beggeed and I decided for once and for all its make or break time with this girl. So we tried again.

 

Things started to get better again and we became closer and enjoyed our time together, however i still felt uncertain of her commitment and she still resented my friends. She would always say to me "i dont deserve you" "you are the best thing that ever happened to me" "dont ever leave me" "i hope we wil get married some day" etc.. We were planning on leaving to go travelling this summer to Oz together, and touring asia and maybe get new jobs.

 

She always worried about money, and was in debt from silly loans she took out as a student. I didnt, as i have enough and advised her a few ways to save and avoid debt. She went through a lot of heartache from losing her mom a few years ago, and also some serious personal stuff from her past. She tended to drink alot, and only opened up with people when she had a few. I at the same time was stressed out in work, i didnt like my job and felt depressed about my situation. But i did my best at keeping things positive, and tried to be more assertive with her. I felt at times she didnt care, and wouldnt support me. So in January after 2.5 years together she called over to my house and gave me the old "i love you..but..im not etc" and said she wasnt happy. Leading up to the breakup she didnt say i love you anymore, and i felt she was pulling away for about 3-4 weeks. She wanted to spend more time with her idiot new "girlfriends" who are basically single and like to party and clubs and bars. She even said "if we ever broke up, i dont think we could be friends".

 

Im a funny respectable guy, who treated her so well and got on very well with her family and friends. I was also her longest relationship. We always had plans for weekends, and did fun unique things together, she never had in past relationships. I listened to her I never had a problem with her going out with her mates as she was young, as long as she let me knew she was ok and got home safetly i was fine.

 

 

So when she dropped the breakup bomb I was devasted and heart broken beyond belief. I saw our plans and dreams on moving away together evaporate. When she told me she didnt love me anymore i asked if there was another guy. She swore on her mothers grave there wasnt. So i believed her, and i still do. I said if thats how you feel, then there is nothing really i can do about it. So i asked her to leave. I immediatley deleted her from FB, and when she left i was in tears. There was NC for 3 weeks until i accidently saw her at 4.am with her friend on a sat night. We chatted for a few mins where she gave out to me about deleting her from FB and a few other things,we were both drunk and i said some things do. The next day she text me apologising saying she was sorry, and never wanted things to end this way. So i ignored the text, until the following saturday i rang her and asked if she wanted to meet for coffee, she sounded glad to hear from her and agreed initally. So then on the 11th hour the following week i get a text "listen i dont think its a good idea if we meet, is there something in particular you want to talk about!?" i replied "ok" and left it at that.reply from her was "im sorry, i hope you understand"

 

So since the end of January there has been NC from both sides. From what i have heard shes still single and partying and going crazy and drinking with her new friends. Im sure she has hooked up with plenty guys etc while im busy planning going travelling by myself in August. I have heard nothing from her for my birthday in may, which made me very sad, and also my only brother got married, so i thought maybe a congratulations etc however maybe it was for the best. What difference would it make if she didnt want me.

 

I have left my crappy job which was depressing me, made a lot of postive changes for myself and took a long hard look at myself of who i am and what i desire in a person.

 

After a few months your emotions will calm down, a few good cries here and there, and that heavy feeling of loss in your heart will begin to lift. Plenty Positive thinking and good self reflection and talking to close friends really help. Taking your ex of that pedestal are the first steps to recovery. I have not tortured myself my looking at her FB and have become indifferent to what shes doing now, thats if shes even doing anything. I have met other girls, and made new friends. Will i hear from her again..? Perhaps, perhaps not. I know im a good catch, and maybe someday she might regret giving up on us. But for now its about me. And getting "Me" back. My family and friends cant figure out what happened to her, but thats not my problem.

 

I wont lie, the journey to this point has been hard going, but the life lessons i have learnt are invaluble. The mornings used to be torture, and i couldnt stop thinking about her and us, and what she was doing and thinking. I kept searching for closure and answers and why didnt she want to work things out.

 

I hope you guys are doing well, chin up and dont look back. Concentrate on taking one day at a time. Before you know it you will be feeling better and happier.

 

GS

[bunny45]

Your post helped me a lot, thank you.

 

I'm waiting for the day when my heart isn't hurting....

[Zuri]

I agree with, bunny. Thank you for posting. It's very hard to imagine my heart being restored ever

[GaelicSoul]

You will both get better i promise. Its always darkest before dawn

Take a step back, and do a fair assesment of your relationship. Were you doing all the work, did the other person really make an effort!?

 

Im happy knowing i never cheated on her, never disrespected her or abused her. Sure we fought, dont all couples. But I treated her well and i have no regrets. In my opinions, she was very emotionally immature, and would always run when commitments or making a change was necessary. I dodged a bullet with this girl, but i do have my scars.