so so upset - i need to fix this - all advice appreciated

[HydratedBeatle]

I'm sorry this is long - but I need advice.

 

Well I thought I was okay till I started crying for 5 hours straight. Had to wait till bf went to sleep though. I know my social skills are poor because I've been told enough during my life. It's not that I don't try, its just that I don't know what to do exactly. I never mention that I think my social skills are poor to anyone ever - I just persevere, and try to keep my chin up and hope that no one picks up on it.

 

I was actually doing ok again till today, I started a new job yesterday and had to syke myself up for it, you know telling yourself to keep your head up, smile at all the right times, laugh when everyone else is, try and start conversation by asking people something about themselves that sort of thing. Ok along with being nervous about that new job. I've just finished a job where I tried harder than I normally do to befriend 2 woman - no success, I tried though.

 

Tonight my bf yells at me "you have no social skills no wonder you have no friends!." Long story, but basically I wasn't agreeing to something else about having to attend all his families events every time one comes up.

 

Am so upset, it took ages to stop crying tonight. If I just knew what to do right I would. Unfortuneately I had a father who spoke to me about 3 words a day, a mother who had a stroke when I was in grade 8 and stopped socialising from then on. I only had brothers and only one friend through highschool. My mothers defacto threw me out of the house when I was in grade 12 saying I had no social skills and then went on to swing a punch. My father sent me to finishing school twice saying I needed help. Oh yeah - I can have perfect ettiquete and graces when required but he wanted me to learn how to interact properly - they didn't teach that. And my current and last partner didn't believe that talking was a requirement in a relationship because you "know each other - its not required anymore."

 

I am trying to learn from my mistakes but I just don't know what to do that is correct. I'm so sorry this is so long, but I am so upset this time - I just seem to ache in pain like I just had my heart ripped in two. I think my self esteem is just about completely gone. I'm 25 and getting more sad and I feel emotionally tired nowdays - like I'm just about ready to give up. I seemed to have missed that special social skills learning part of life - the bit that says how to make friends who will like you and not just brush you off.

 

I need some advice. Does anyone know where can I learn this from the internet? Please help me. I'm so emotionally tired. KC

[Debz]

and don't use the internet. You need to work on your self esteem and work through childhood stuff so you can break the cycle of being with people/partners who don't appreciate you and put you down.

 

I know you find it hard to interact with people but please don't use the internet. This will only isolate you further. Find a good therapis to talk to, you can use the internet to do this. Or go to Relate...I don't know which country you are from but in England we have Relate and relationship counselling is where I would guide you. I am reading a great book by Relate on relationships and self esteem at the moment.

 

It won't be easy, I am starting out myself on my self esteem and am scared stiff, but I know it will be worth it in the end. You deserve to be happy and live the life you dream of so I hope you can work it out. Is there no -one who can be support for you to help get you started? If not you are in the right place to find it by talking to us here

 

Good Luck