how do you guys/gals find out?

[slammin16]

I have been reading a lot of forums where dumpers find out who there exs are dating, how long they have been dating, if they broke up and so on

 

I was just curious how you guys/gals find out?

 

Did they tell you? did you find out through a social network, through the grapevine?

 

I know who my ex is with but that is only because I snooped on facebook. But I don't know how long they have been dating and wish to never know anymore additional info. Does this mean I am not over her? Because I don't want to know what's going on in her life.

 

I am truly over her only when " I don't care" what is happening in her life?

 

Because I am happy not knowing anything about her situation and am moving along well.

 

thanks

[miky077]

When i found out my ex was cheating i just asked her how long lol i can't leave the relationship with the questions unanswered, how did i find out about the guy well his name always came up in our convos and additional info facebook which i why i deleted her lol.

[TheJerseyKid]

You can be almost entirely over someone, but still not want to know details... eventually though in most cases, you reach a point where you just genuinely don't care anymore and that is when you are truly over it. I never thought I'd feel that way about my first ex a long time ago. She has since been married and I haven't lost a moment of sleep over it.

[LP90]

Through the almighty facebook for me. It tells and shows everything we do and dont want to see unfortunately. As much as curiousty kills me too. There is a very good qoute i saw someone have in their signature, "i dont want to learn what i will have to forget". Finding out who, how long, why, where, when, etc. Will only bring up A LOT of questions for you to ask yourself and anaylze, it will make moving on a lot harder than it already is.

[replytome]

Logging into her facebook, and then hefty analyzing and insane assumptions on my part. Never logged in again, and made sure there are no ways for me to know what happens to her. Made all "mutual friends" unfriend her.

 

Ultimately, I'm better off than her and I am the one growing. She's stuck in a blatant rut. Even though she might not know it. She recently started contacting me again, after having told me never to contact her again. Idiot. She uses pretexts as well, you know, practical stuff. Even though I have been doing everything to sort out the practical without having to contact.

 

I have not given her the power she wants. I have not responded and don't plan to. I'm the one that got away, and she's realising this, assuming before that I would always be there when she wanted. Idiot.

[misguided angel]

i found out because she played a role playing game which i had no interest in but i noticed she was listed as his wife on the game, she told me it was just a game and i was being silly, but it didn't sound right so i checked her facebook account and found the emails she still denied it then i found a photobucket account where she had 2 albums, 1 was of her and my kids and 1 was of just him, still she denied it then i found all the love letters and gifts and so i gave her a choice and she chose him.

[replytome]

i found out because she played a role playing game which i had no interest in but i noticed she was listed as his wife on the game, she told me it was just a game and i was being silly, but it didn't sound right so i checked her facebook account and found the emails she still denied it then i found a photobucket account where she had 2 albums, 1 was of her and my kids and 1 was of just him, still she denied it then i found all the love letters and gifts and so i gave her a choice and she chose him.

 

Ouch. what a * * * * .

[iBroken]

I snooped on Facebook......

 

That was almost a year ago - she is still with him and I dont give a rats arse LOL......shes his problem now

[endy]

I work in IT. For one I had a gut feeling she was going to the casino... (had a gambling issue) Found out she was lying to me and she told me about it when she knew that I knew. Then, checked her phone records, seen her ex on the records. Broke up with her, basically it was forced. I've got boundaries. Some of those if they are breached that's it. Odd thing is first time I ever got that feeling I knew I was being cheated on then and there. Not by her but another ex.

[deavyin]

First ex I found out through mutual friends and it was a chore. I was at a party with my soccer team (we both used to be on the team but she left it for another team when we broke up). A member of the team said "you know X, i saw her the other day with that friend of yours who would come to games sometimes...they are totally together now". This was 3 months after the break up. I called her and she lied to me and said they were just friends and I was acting crazy. I called up a mutual friend of ours and he spilled the beans. Told me they got together right away after the break up and asked everyone not to tell me. I finally called her up and she admitted to it.

 

This current ex told me pretty much right away. At first she tried to act like it was just a break up because she didn't want to committ and wanted to be free, make mistakes and find herself. I didn't buy it and eventually she admitted that the new guy asked her out a day before she left me. She went on about how she wasn't sure if she would say yes to his date request because he seemed wishy washy and like he didn't have good intentions. I kept pushing her and she finally admitted that she saw "compatibility and a budding friendship". Pushed further and she admitted she felt a 'spark' for him and wanted to see where it would go but wasn't going into it with the intent to "settle". A couple weeks after we broke up they were official boyfriend/girlfriend and she admitted that she lied to me and he had asked her out a week before she left me and not a day like she had said. Told me that the feelings she didn't have for me were the exact feelings she has for him and that things are serious between them. People are liars.

 

no matter how much you want to stay away, you will eventually find out. It wasn't until a year after my big break up that I found out she was cheating on me with my best friend a month before we broke up. Randomly stumbled upon a photo album of hers online and there were pics of them together DATED a month before we broke up. Pics of her at his place (he moved out of his place just before me and my ex broke up). Confirmed the entire thing...what a lying piece of trash.

 

It's best to just be honest. This current ex really tried to be friends afterwards. Told me she didn't tell me the truth right away because she didn't want to hurt me. Did she think we could maintain a friendship, especially when she had 0 privacy settings on her FB page and posts pics of him, and I wouldn't find out?

 

I don't know what goes through peoples minds.

[miky077]

Most find out using social networking sites like facebook, that's why facebook is evil makes it hard to let go.

[swann]

For me it was my sister who first planted the "think she is seeing her old boyfriend" seed. My sister and her were best friends at one time but not at the point of her telling me way more about the ex's past than I knew. I thought "no way" but the seed took root and I started to check around on FB, her phone and even just asking her which of course she denied in a laughing tone. Almost condescending to me for even asking her. Mean girl. Anyway, I kinda let it go and on the week of New Years Eve checked her phone (1st time to do this) and "bam" there is it was. Big time texting each other, him thanking her for cooking dinner, hanging out and the icing on the cake, her asking him to come spend a weekend with her at her house 2 weeks before she and I were to spend a week at the beach together for New Years Eve. Talk about a blow to the gut!!!!

 

Well I confront her about it and she denies it at first, tell her I checked her phone and from that what does she do? She gets mad at me for snooping on her phone! Talk about deflecting! Well after we settled down she says they are just friends and she is trying to help him through a rough patch in his life. And guess what? My dumb*** bought it!

Talk about being an idiot! Man if I had just had the guts to drop her right then and there I might not be on here right now. Not to mention the pain, time and everything else I have wasted on her since then.

 

And for the past couple of weeks now I have seen on her FB page where she and he have been out boating and hanging out openly. Damn most self centered, narcissistic, shallow woman I have ever met. She appears on the outside to have it all but on the inside she's hollow. Doesn't care about anyone but herself. Great actress! And to think I loved this woman with all of my heart and wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. Man did she ever use me.

 

One good thing about this post is I was missing her this morning (month or so NC now) but now after writing this out and thinking about how much she lied to my face and had to be cheating on me behind my back it just pisses me off! Makes me so glad she left me. Thank my lucky stars. A blessing in disguise.

 

And one other thing. The last time we were together (early March) we talking one night and she starts telling this story about a "friend" and him doing this and that and I was sitting there thinking to myself (you big dummy I know your talking about blutto) but I didn't say a word as I really was thinking more about us being together later that night. Guess it shows where my thinking was at the time huh? Talk about a fool. I'm so thankful to at least be past that point.

 

Sorry for the long rant. It just all came out of me and believe it or not, I feel so much better for letting it out. Damn sure not missing her now! Thanks for this thread and ena.

[Formula]

I drove past the house very early a few days after she broke up with me and saw a car outside the house that i didnt recognize. That set my alarm bells ringing as the only curtains that were closed in the house was our bedroom ones. Tried not to think about it and thought maybe a friend of hers was there the night before maybe drinking and had left the car there. She had told me when we broke up that she didnt want to be in a relationship anymore and wanted to raise her kids on her own etc.

2 weeks after this she told my sister that she was seeing someone from her town and hoped my sis could be happy for her etc. It was like a kick in my stomach. Im not sure if she was cheating on me or they got together by pure chance after we broke up or what way it worked and at this stage 2 months on i really don't want to ever find out as it would just hurt way too much. Im still sick thinking about it.

[swann]

Yeah, I still get sick thinking about it also but what really makes me sick is that I didn't stand up for myself. That's not me at all but I guess love makes you do funny things and things you never thought you would do. I am and will never stand for that kind of treatment again. My gut told me I was right but my heart refused to believe it. I thought she would never do that to me and us. I should have known better because she did it to her husband and to her now old/now new boyfriend.