Need some support

[alimbagirl]

I have been in and out of a relationship for the past year and a half. I left my husband to be with this man. However, due to my mental problems I have not been able to decide who I want to be with.

 

The two men are totally different. One is 26, the other is 55. The older one is financially stable and I feel very secure with him, but there is not too much physical attraction from my end, and not much of a fun relationship. But feels very stable and safe. He is very reliable.

 

The younger one is still living at home, in college, no money, but we are attracted to each other and have a lot of fun together. But there is his temper, and anger stuff, and I am more insecure with him.

 

The younger one has demanded I make a decision and has recently slept with someone else. I am hurt.

 

I really need to understand why I can't let the older one go. I have had a severe breakdown from him dating someone else, so I am afraid that if I let him go, it will happen again. I went through a severe meltdown and have major legal troubles now because of it. Why do I feel like I will die if the older one is with someone else, but I don't want to be intimate with him?

[Beec]

Because him being there for you fulfills something in you emotionally. What is that? No idea, but with they way you describe your own actions, clearly something is missing. Haivng a relationshipw ioth both of these guys and acting in a way that causes you big legals problems is not acting like a responsible adult.

[lonelyandblue]

May I suggest trying to find someone nearer your own age? It is a possiblity you are looking either too young or too old and need to look for someone closer in age. Maybe then you will find someone a little more compatible.

[mochaleet]

The anger/temper issue and lack of security signals real trouble. If being with the younger one "does it for you" it's understandable that you want to work it as long as you can. Remember, whatever behavioral issues he carries are his, and have nothing to do with you. You will not and cannot change him. I suggest a step back.

 

I'm a bit confused by your relationship with the older man, though I see that both relationships do not bring you satisfaction. Ultimately, as I am discovering, you are better off alone for a while (even though it's scary and not as good for the ego, temporarily). Why don't you look at why you chose two types of men who are probably in their own ways unavailable and dissatisfying and redesign your emotional blueprints. Then after time, look for someone who makes you feel secure and is available. And yes, closer to your age as well. I think you can do something about this.

[lisaria]

Hi alimbagirl,

I think it's a little strange that you've got two men here at such a different time in their lives. They each give you something but it doesn't sound like it's what you really need. I agree with the earlier posts and think you should step back and really work on you for a while. Is it fun or security you want? Why can't you have both in one man?