i'm jealous and mad at myself

[otterloo]

As I've written on here before of how I screwed things up pretty bad with my girlfriend and it ended our 3+ year relationship. I went through tough times but really changed and grew as a person without her and finally after being so patient for so long we got back together on the weekend after almost 5 months apart.

 

A problem with our previous relationship was communication so we are not keeping any secrets from eachother now. So she told me that in her 2 week relationship when we were apart that she slept with the guy. I am very happy to be back together with her but this really is bothering me. We were our firsts and thought that we would always be our onlys. Also it was always about love for us and this was definitely not as she didn't really have any feelings for him. She says that it didn't mean anything and that she really regrets it but I can't help but feel so poorly especially when she still loved me at the time and still went through with it.

 

I am hating myself again for my mistakes of the past because now they have not only taken away 5 months of our lives together but also she has now been with someone else. He is also 5 years older than us meaning that he is likely more experienced than I and may have been better than me. I can't stand the thought of her enjoying being with someone else more. I really want to get over this because I think that we have a great chance at a perfect future together but it's just such a shock to me but I see this guy all the time (it's unaviodable for the next 2 weeks) and so far whenever I see him I picture them together. Please help me out. Thank you.

[kutekat100]

I sort of know how you feel because i'm feeling jealous of my boyfriends ex and it really tears you up inside and you can't get images out of your mind. You don't say how old you are? personally I would let it go. I mean, i know its hard but you have no choice. you want to be with her, and if you love her, you will just have to let it go. I have learnt over the years that everyone comes with some sort of baggage and its just all about acceptance at the end of the day. this is a clean slate for you guys, what's in the past is gone. don't look back, look forward. Growing up is all about being with different people. if you think about everyone you know, even if you just think about celebrities they all have these feelings too. ex partners, baggage, cheating lovers. unfortunately, it's just life, and eventually if love is real, it will conquer all.

[otterloo]

Thank you for your response, I appreciate it. I just have one more thing to ask: Is it okay to bring this up with her? I really need to understand but I don't want to upset her. I think that it will (she really broke down when she told me) but I just need to talk this through. I cannot just go on with these thoughts in my head because they will hold us back from being happier.

 

People reading this may think that I am overreacting but this is a hard thing for me. Just when I thought that things were going to get better I get thrown another curve ball. I just want some stability in my life because there have been far too many ups and downs recently.

 

P.S. I am 20 and I know that I am young but I still feel as though we are meant to be together. I've never met someone that I've got along with so well and I don't see myself ever meeting anyone else that I'm more compatible with. We were best friends as well as a couple and even lived together for 8 months.

[OceanEyes]

Is it okay to bring this up with her? I really need to understand but I don't want to upset her.

 

Of course it's okay to bring this up with her. If you don't, you're going to let it eat you up inside, while trying to be sweet and nice. Believe me, bottling up hurt and confusion will cause you to lash out and be overly sensitive with her in other areas. Also, if you've made it a point to be very open and communicative, then there is no reason whatsoever that you shouldn't be able to share this with her.

 

When you do bring it up, just explain that you've been thinking about it and although you understand what happened and don't want to keep going over it, it's something that you have to discuss with her to help you deal. Don't bring it up when you're angry or antagonistically or you won't like how she reacts.

[otterloo]

I decided to bring it up with her yesterday and we had an emotional talk about it but I feel as though I understand much more now. She says that it was a mistake and I must accept that and try to forget about it. She is mine now and now I feel that I can get over this and focus on making us work. Thank you for the advice.

[Mike_Wazowski]

There's no worse feeling a guy can feel deep in his heart than the burning sensation of Jealousy.

 

Imagining the woman you love in the arms of another man, doing things that only you two used to do.

 

All I can say to you brother, is if you can't get those feelings out of your head, then you'd better learn to deal with them.

 

Do you think that for the rest of your life you will never have sex with another woman except the one you are with now??

 

She has shown you that she will / has had sex with another. Even though she regrets it, she did it.

 

The GOOD THING of it was that she didn't cheat on you. It happened when you were not bf and gf.

 

Maybe 50 years ago it was the norm to only have sex with your future wife / husband...but in the 21st century it's quite different.

 

 

I'm sure my wife had sex with her previous bf's before she met me, just as I had sex with my fair share of women before I met her.

 

And I would assume that if we ever broke up I would find another woman and make a relationship and have sex, just as she probably would.

 

That's life bro...

 

Now, the fact that he is older than you and maybe better at sex than you are, and maybe he gave her more pleasure than you did....Well...my answer to that is a big...'DON'T WORRY ABOUT'

 

As the Proverb goes...'Practice makes perfect' He's only better than you cause I'm sure he's had more practice than you.

 

Any man can be an Awesome lover Bro! All it takes is to learn how to please a woman the way she wants, Listen to her, caress her, give her the attention she needs and of course, read up on what pleases a woman and most of all PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!

 

You seem to have found yourself a good woman. Don't screw it up by obsessing over the fact that while you were not BF and GF she had sex with another guy.

 

Concentrate on that fact that even though this other guy may have pleasured her more in bed, she CAME BACK TO YOU!

 

That tells me that she thinks that there are more important things than sex...like maybe LOVE!

 

Good luck Dude!