Jump to content

NC truly begins today and I have no choice in the matter anymore.

Recommended Posts

As many here know I have had a difficult time keeping NC with this girl who left me for another guy.


The last I texted her I gave her an ultimatum in which I said she had until midnight to change her mind on us, she was making a mistake, and if I didn't hear from her she wouldn't hear from me again.


I have to keep that promise but I know that I'm too weak right now to do it on my own. So, I enlisted some help from my folks.


My entire family is on a family plan via verizon. I direct deposit the money for my account to my step-dad once a month. He is the main policy holder and the only one in the family who can login to the account. I asked him yesterday to login and block her number. He was more than willing to do it. It's completely irreversable since I do not have the login credentials to change it and my parents know it's the best for me so they have no intentions of removing her number.


I can no longer receive calls or texts from her and I cannot call or text her myself. I can write all the texts I want to her but they will never get through.


It's drastic but at least this way I can stop looking at my phone for a call/text that will not and cannot go through.


Today is day 2 of NC and it will last for another 88 days. The block only lasts for 90 days and then expires on it's own. I think that, right now, it's the perfect amount of time I need and after that I won't have these incredible urges to get in touch with her.


If anyone else can do something similar I HIGHLY suggest it. It's tough, but sometimes it's better to just take the option away from yourself.

Link to comment

I think self control is better personally. The only problem I forsee with this is she could try and call you to talk to you wanting to get back and you would be unable to receive the message. This will make you wonder.


Don't block her account, DELETE her number from your phone and just know that messaging her is pointless because she doesn't want you.

Link to comment



Also remember after an NC of your kind, you must deal with the what if/did they issues per the following.


As many here know I have had a difficult time keeping NC with this girl who left me for another guy.


A major hurdle of any reconcile efforts of either party.

Link to comment

not to get snippy (i really am not) but if you had been following my story as many have (which you might have been) it's pretty obvious that she is never going to get back together with me. This is a girl who strung me along for 3 months until I fell for her and then left me the day after the captain of our soccer team asked her out.


A relationship with her could never work. I did a lot of stupid begging and pleading and arguing with her and it only pushed her away further. I'm tired of constantly wondering if it's a text from her whenever my phone blinks. This is for the best because there is no way now that I could even take her back if she were to try (which she won't) and as anyone on here would tell me...it would be a stupid idea to take her back anyway.


self control is a good thing. That's why i'm glad the block only lasts for 90 days. By then i'll have gotten used to the NC and will be able to control myself from further calling her. I don't expect that i'd hear anything from her for at least a few months anyways and she doesn't know that I blocked her number and will only think that I am giving us both time and space to get over what happened. Plus, you should never get back together with someone until you are completely over the relationship and ready to start a new. Also, this new guy isn't GIGS or a rebound. She was never that interested in me, or at least tells me so, and I don't see any way she could change her feelings now.

Link to comment

by what if, did they issues are you trying to say that i'll be wondering if they tried to contact me or not during the 3 month period? I have definitely thought of that. It won't matter though because i'll never be able to find out. She might try (doubt it heavily) and if I don't respond she'll just think I need more time and will try and contact me again once the ban is up. I still think it's the best decision.


We still work with one another. She can still send me an email or walk right into me and start talking. The reason I won't do either is because a) she only ever uses her work email and I don't want to be talking about relationship stuff via work email and b) i can hardly bring myself to look at her right now...the idea of hearing her voice is too much for even me to break NC that way.


she can still get in touch with me if she desperately needs to. If she wants to get back together (which she absolutely does not nor will ever) there are still avenues for her. If i don't respond to her text and she just gives up then it's pretty obvious she doesn't have strong convictions for reconciliation.


This isn't permanent. It's a temporary solution in order to create a sense of space and give me time to deal with everything without sending myself back to day 1 again and again.

Link to comment

You really need to do this permanently. Don't set a time limit, just get rid of everything now. Delete, delete, delete. I know you have some mental issues and are dealing with them, but this has to be done with the idea that it's forever. Don't even talk of the possibility of her changinging her mind. Because she won't. She's gone for good. All the texts and attempts at please, just one more chance have definitely closed off any reconcilliation forever, which is a good thing. Now you can focus on making yourself healthy.

Link to comment

the 90 days thing is automatic, I can't set a time limit on how long the block lasts for. I am going into this with the idea that it is forever and that is why i decided to do the block. That way, even if she were to try and contact me, i wouldn't get it. If i was still holding onto some hope then I wouldn't have blocked her because "what if what if what if" and I need to do it this way.


I've deleted absolutely everything else. Hell i deleted everything else the day she left me. I just wish I could forget her phone number. The only 5 numbers I know by heart are my parents, my brother, mine and my 2 ex's (even the one from 4 years ago).


I am usually horrible with numbers and names. If I could forget her number it would be so much easier and I wouldn't need a block. Oh well, at least one of you thinks i'm doing the right thing.

Link to comment

I know there will be some lows. Luckily she wasn't in yesterday and she isn't in yet today so probably won't be and that's good. The good thing about the number block is that I have no choice but to stick with it. Even if I break nc and text her, she'll never get it.

Link to comment

Hey man,been following your story as it was kind of similar to mine, purely the fact we work together. I'm on day 23 of NC, sometimes I feel like crap, especially if I get a work related email off her or hear her voice. Funnily I havent seen her in 3 weeks even though its a small office building! She sort of staying away but she still parks right beside me! What I can say is the longer you stick with no contact the easier it gets. Sure I've had my bad moments but I have seen recently that the bad moments are less and less frequent. Plus if I hear her voice or get an email it only effects me for a few minutes rather then hours before.

Just keep busy, smile when you see her, work on yourself and it will get easier. I personally thing self control would be a better option for you but I read your previous thread and that didn't work so if this works for you now then best of luck with it.

Oh and try and get out to meet new people. I recently started online dating, good to boost the confidence. Have my first date with a girl this week. She seems nice but I'm not sure if I'm ready to get back on the saddle but it keeps the mind occupied at least!

Link to comment

You definitely know the boat i'm in. It sucks seeing an ex on a daily basis, especially when they are with someone else.


I am working on myself both mentally and physically and I don't mope around the office anymore. Luckily, i don't have to receive work emails from her and she sits far enough away that I can't hear her talk. I only hear her when she laughs. At first it killed, but now it's just a mild annoyance. She too often parks close to me which is pretty annoying because we have some good memories in her car and i just hate seeing that stupid thing.


Self control is a great thing but right now i don't have any. 3 months isn't a lot of time so it's not like i'm blocking her out of my life forever. 3 months from now i will practice self control and continue to not contact her. What would be the point? Her facebook page is still open for everyone to see but I am using self control to keep myself away from it. In 3 months time maybe i'll check to see if they are still togeter...maybe not. If they are, then who cares if she tried to contact me or not? I can't be friends with her while she is the guy she left me for and if they are still together then it's obvious she didn't try to contact me for reconciliation.


plenty of people block numbers, chance their number and delete ex's on facebook (which i did)...sometimes we need external factors to help us when we can't help ourselves.


I think I could do NC on my own without going to the drastic step of blocking her number. I just don't want to receive a text or call from her 2 months from now looking to patch up our friendship because it will only give me false hope and I don't need that, nor do I need to sit here constantly wondering if/when she will contact me again.


this girl would look beautiful in a wedding dress and that kind of thought scares me. I know that I have to let go of her but it's hard to let go of someone who feels so completely and utterly right to you in everyway. I couldn't do it on my own so I have to take drastic steps. It really was nearly love at first sight for me...that isn't my delusion or craziness talking. I am not a crazy person despite what people might think here. I'm just a fool in love with a girl he can't have and i need to find a way so that I can't keep doing this to myself.


I'm a hopeless romantic looking for the 'one' i can settle down with and start a life. She is a 25 year old girl who wants a fun time and isn't focused on the future. Bad timing...for sure and, unfortunately, lack of interest on her part.

Link to comment

Deavyin, while it's good to force yourself into no contact if you have no other choice(better than her doing it), do try to understand one of the healing powers of NC comes from the fact that YOU are WILLINGLY refusing to contact them. That you have the strength not to do it, because YOU no longer want to.


The ONE thing that you need(in life and right now), and the ONE thing that you are supposed to come away with from all this IS EXACTLY what you are throwing away: that you have learned the strength and acquired the self control you need to pull away from your love(object of your affection). You are WASTING that opportunity right now, so please, stop.


Also, try to stop talking about your ex so much and YOUR problems and open YOUR EYES! Look around man. Just go through the threads around here and look at how many people are hurting, down, and crying. Try to help someone. It WILL make you feel better. Get in the conversations. These people need YOUR attention a lot more than your ex.

Link to comment

The 90 day solution is a good start. You were smart to enlist the support and help of outside parties. Friends and family can also be helpful in keeping you occupied so that your mind has less opportunity to replay the past. You are taking some positive steps here and I want to encourage you.


Continue to guard against your own internal dialog however. Reading your thread I get a feeling that you do see a hope for the future. You laid down an ultimatum that expired at midnight. Why do that if you think there is no chance? Also you make references to never getting back together with someone until you are over them which would give you a brand new start. I know it is hard to extinguish all feelings and memories but be alert to push them away when they crop up. You make many future references to contact or discussions that will never occur. It is over, she has moved on. Why torture yourself with images of her in a wedding dress???? This is horrible self talk and imagining that you need to stop immediately.


NC is like going to the gym. You have to do that hard work yourself. I do not think that having the phone blocked by a family member will give you the same benefit as you doing it yourself. Find some small things that you can do yourself so you can build "muscle" in your recovery. Can you select a parking space that is far away and in the corner? Small things like can help you as long as they are not manipulation to try and cause her to notice.


Do not label yourself as a "hopeless romantic" or a "fool in love" who fell victim to "bad timing". You are ultimately responsible for your own decisions. Part of NC is determining why you fell so hard and why you became so obsessed. In time, you will see this relationship with clearer eyes and you will make different choices in the future. It begins with you stopping the damaging self talk and abandoning your misconceptions. How can she be nearly perfect but still be an immature girl out for a good time with no interest in settling down who dumped you in a heartbeat for another guy? Both realities cannot be true. Stop thinking about her and fill your time with positive self accomplishments. Good luck!

Link to comment

I have actually begun giving advice to other peoples posts. Usually on posts where people are left for others because I have been down that road more than once and, even though i'm spiraling sometimes over this girl, I do have some practical advice that I can give (even if i can't always take).


As for the blocking her number: i had to weigh the pros and cons of both situations. It was obvious that I was having trouble keeping NC from her and it was setting me back. Sure, it would be great if I could CHOOSE not to contact her but that obviously wasn't happening. Which one will hurt me more in the long run? I think by contacting her I keep setting myself back and I need this forced 90 days away from her to work through all this crap without having her as a distraction.


each day it get's easier and easier to accept that it's over. My heart is working through everything and yes, I can still see a future where we are together. It doesn't mean that I can see it as a reality or something even remotely possible. It's just a fantasy my mind goes through and it's going to take time for the dream to fade away. Feelings like this aren't just a light switch you can turn off...you have to taper the feelings until they aren't there anymore. I'm working out, going to a therapist and hanging out with friends/meeting new people. I am not talking about her in public anymore to pretty much anyone. Initially I couldn't stop myself from talking about her. I just have a lot to process and it's going to take some time. I'm doing everything in my power to stop the thoughts of her though.


I always get here to work before her. If she is on time, which she often isn't, she will park in the front of the building. If she is late, which she usually is by 15 minutes, she will park on the side of the building. She doesn't park directly next to me but pretty close. It's not much of an issue, i just don't like seeing her car at all.


I am doing a lot better than i was before. I truly believe that blocking her number is the right solution. Who cares whether I have self control or force myself into it. I can email her (she has a gmail and college account she checks too), I can call her on her work number or from a different phone. I could print out a letter and scan it to her email (which we used to do all the time). There are plenty of ways I can still get in contact with her but I haven't.


That's self control. The phone thing is just necessary right now because texting is just too easy to do. It doesn't matter how I keep in NC with her so long as the ending result is the same: time and distance so that I can heal. I need 90 days without even the possibility of contact. Believe me, if I wanted to I could get into the account and change the block. My parents are really bad when it comes to passwords...really bad. I know the passwords they use and I know the email accounts they have. It's a simple process of elimination if I wanted to get into the account and remove the block. To me this is similar to blocking someone on facebook so you won't see their page. yes, you can easily unblock them so it takes self control to keep yourself away. Also, it's only 90 days...it's not forever.


The future conversations I have are the same as me writing letters to her that I never send. It's a healing exercise. They are not conversations where we fall into one anothers arms and are together forever. These conversations are ones where she asks to be friends and I turn her down. They are things I wish I could say to her but know that I shouldn't. They are mental exercises to prepare me were she to contact me in the future which i can PROMISE you she will. This girl, all though she doesn't want to be with me, isn't ready to cut me out of her life completely. She truly honestly wants a friendship with me. I can't give her that and I need to prepare myself for the inevitable day when she asks for it. It will happen.

Link to comment

I have chosen to cut off my ability to contact this girl. In 3 months time I will chose whether to renew the block or just not contact her again.


I have chosen to put this girl completely out of my life. I chose to do it this way and I truly think it's for the best. This isn't taking away my complete ability to contact her, it is only making it easier on me. If I know that I can't get a text through to her then I won't even bother trying. If I know that I won't ever receive a text from her then there is no reason to stare at my phone all day or have my heart jump when i get a text/email.


I have chosen to remove the thorn rather than just ignore it hoping it will go away. I wish I could do the same thing with facebook. I wish I could find a way to block her completely from any and all accounts i could possibly make without the ability for me unblock her again and see her entire page. I can't do that.


I don't see how this is going to retard my healing at all. If anything, It will only help me get over the current slump i'm in and force me to start looking toward an inevitable future without her in it. There will come a day where I will have to not contact her of my own free will (which is about 88 days from now). A year from now i will have to not contact her of my own free will. 2 years from now, 5 years from now 10 years from now. Will it matter then that I blocked her number for 3 months? I don't think so. Will I be in this slump that long from now because I blocked her phone number for 3 months? Definitely not.


If anything, were she to try and call me during these 3 months, she would get no response and that's exactly what she deserves and needs from me. Absolute NC...she doesn't need to know why I am not contacting her. It just needs to happen.


I wish it wasn't going to rain today..I want to get out on my bike and burn off some calories. I'll hit the gym instead.


I will get over this guys. I don't understand why people are trying to convince me NOT to block her number so I can't contact her. I was under the impression everyone was getting tired of my broke NC and now I feel miserable threads. It seems like you guys want me to leave ENA and that's pretty much what will happen over the course of the next month or so. Each time I start up a new thread or continue on that journal of mine (which got moved so i'm not using it) it's because I have broken NC and it set me back. That can't happen now and eventually I'll have gone through everything I possible could.


I don't think of them together anymore. I don't wonder what she is doing with her life. I don't even reminisce about the times we spent together. I don't hold onto any real hope for the future and every day I get a little bit more and more over her. I still have this horrible dull ache in my bones and difficulty sleeping but I think my real issue now is that i'm afraid of the future. That is something I need to work on here on ENA and with the therapist. Trying to make myself a better, more whole, person so that I can eventually attract a girl who wants to be with me.


I am a hopeless romantic...I have been my entire life. I like cuddling and spending time with my SO. I like romance movies and shows. I like the idea of love. It's why, when i'm single, I don't do a lot of one night stands (or any) or date girls I don't see a future with. I like the idea of soul mates (even if I don't believe they exist) and i'm in awe whenever I see a couple that is so entranced with one another that it's damn near destructive. These are things I need to work on because I obviously project these traits on whoever I am with and not many people feel the same way as me. She left me for another guy and all I can think is that she feels the way i do about love and relationships with him. That is probably not the case. Chances are she is just enjoying life one day at a time and hasn't thought about the far future with him. Don't know either way, don't care...sorry I brought it up.

Link to comment

It's nice to be a hopeless romantic but you have to temper that with reality. You can't really KNOW anyone in 3 months time so the whole idea of soul mates is a little ridiculous at that stage. Try and take it easy in the next relationship and get to know the person before you commit yourself with everything you've got. The first few months of a relationship is a trial period, and you shouldn't get too caught up in things at that point. Real commitment takes time, a lot of it.

Link to comment

I completely agree and it's something I need to work on. In the past I dated girls for close to the same amount of time without truly committing myself. I was dating a girl for over 2 months and it never fully clicked. i liked her, she was pretty, lot's of common interests but for some reason it never clicked. She met someone and called it off and it seriously took me a week to get over. I hardly if ever think about her and it was less than a year ago.


I've been like that with a lot of the girls i've dated in the past 4 years. This time it was different. I don't know why, but 3 months was all I needed to know that I wanted to move forward into a real relationship. I know it's a trial period and I hate to bring 'him' up again but I don't see how it's weird to know after 3 months you are totally into someone if it took them 2 weeks to go official. It's obvious people do fall for one another quickly since they seemed to have done so.


Also, even though it was only 3 months, it's never easy to say "oh well, it was only 3 months so it's not like it doesn't bother me a whole hell of a lot that she left me for someone else". It's just an unfortunate circumstance that I am not really equipped to deal with. If she told me "look, i think we should just be friends..I want time to be single and I don't want to ruin our friendship" things would be a lot different right now. A lot of this has to do with pride and ego and i'm man enough to admit that. I don't like that she prefers someone else (especially a goober like him) over me. No one likes that and having it done just opened up a can of worms I thought I had closed. You should have seen the guy my big ex left me for. We are talking about a total loser. My big ex would even make fun of how much of a loser he was while we were together but she left me for him saying he was the man she would marry. It feels very similar this time. This guy is immature and not good long term relationship material. It's a huge blow to your ego when you are left for some party guy when you are a really decent loving person.


I will work on this hopeless romantic thing. I do need a dose of reality and I need more experience in love. I have only been in one real relationship, it was horrible nad lasted way too long. Everything I have done since then has been tainted by it and that's something I need to really address during therapy. If I had been in a couple long term relationships and dated a bunch of girls, as it seems most people have, I think I would have a different perspective on things. If I had a huge group of friends and knew a lot of females (i know 4 girls who I hang out with on any real basis) then i think I would also have a different perspective. It all comes down to experience and i'm very inexperienced. This is the second girl i've slept with. The first girl i slept with i was in a relationship with for 5 years. It makes sense that I would attach real feelings to the second girl i've ever slept with especially since it's been over 4 years since I got any...that is a realllllly long time for someone who is 29. I need to start viewing sex as something less than I do now.


All things I plan on bringing up in therapy.

Link to comment

I hate to quote this again but I think I should. It might help to explain a little bit about my obsession and constant long postings.


I do have tourette syndrome (mild case but was much worse when I was younger) and this might help to explain:


Many with TS experience additional neurobehavioral problems including inattention; hyperactivity and impulsivity (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder—ADHD) and related problems with reading, writing, and arithmetic; and obsessive-compulsive symptoms such as intrusive thoughts/worries and repetitive behaviors. For example, worries about dirt and germs may be associated with repetitive hand-washing, and concerns about bad things happening may be associated with ritualistic behaviors such as counting, repeating, or ordering and arranging. People with TS have also reported problems with depression or anxiety disorders, as well as other difficulties with living, that may or may not be directly related to TS. Given the range of potential complications, people with TS are best served by receiving medical care that provides a comprehensive treatment plan.


This is why I feel I do need some medication to control this. I am an obsessive person..it doesn't always show on the outside because If you were to meet me I would seem like a complete and utterly calm person. However, on the inside, I obsess about anything that bothers me and that kind of explains this.

Link to comment

I was diagnosed with a mild case of OCD and severe anxiety. At my last job it got so bad that I had to go on medication for it. i would be presenting at a meeting and I wouldn't be able to breathe. My heart would race to the point where I thought I was going to die. My face would turn bright red and the room would start to spin. There were times where I had to go home just to get away from it all. I'd be driving in my car and everything would be fine until I got to a stop light. Then i'd start panicking until the light turned green and i would feel better.


I can't even go to the DMV without a panic attack (then again, who can?!). I hate waiting in lines at government facilities and I don't drink caffeine because A single glass gives me a panic attack. Yet, the rest of the time i'm absolutely fine. It's entirely mental and has to do with a chemical imbalance in my brain due to my TS. My mother is the same way. She takes xanax before work meetings.

Link to comment

Having sex with someone means absolutely nothing though. It doesn't mean that person is committed to you in any way, it's just sex. So you shouldn't put too much meaning on that. I'm not saying it shouldn't be a very special thing, just that a lot of times it's not. So don't attach too much importance to the fact that someone slept with you.


My ex left me for another man after 10 years and three children. Does that make me less of a man? No! It's just something that happened. She wasn't happy in our relationship so she left. She did wrong to cheat definitely. But people leave relationships because their needs aren't being met. It's not a judgement on the other person or on you. It just happens.


The thing is relationships that really work are rare, the ones that don't are the common ones. So you have to be prepared to deal with pain if you want to try and find love. Next time, go into it a little bit more cautiously and be prepared to put the work into really knowing someone before you commit all the way.

Link to comment

Deavyin, I'm glad to see that you took this big step and blocked your ex from calling you. I understand what some posters are saying about "self-control" and all that, that it would have been *better* in a sense if you could have just refrained from contacting her without blocking her, but...the place that you've been in the past few months makes it difficult for you to override your emotions with rational thinking, and if blocking her is what it takes, it's what it takes. Desperate times call for desperate measures, as the saying goes. Some of the other posters are right, you CAN choose not to contact her (without blocking her), and up until the other night, you were STILL choosing to contact her; your emotions are still very raw and all over the place, and you're not thinking as rationally as you could be. Combine that with your anxiety, mild OCD, Tourette's, etc., and it is probably more difficult for you than it is for the average person to stop yourself and think logically before going off of your emotions and acting impulsively. It's not that you CAN'T control your thoughts and actions -- it's just that it might require a lot more effort for you than for others, and therapy and medications might help with that.


I have to commend you on taking such a definitive step, actually. I work with my ex too, and I still love him (though I know we will never be together unless something drastic happens to his brain or he gets a brain transplant -- LOL!) and it would be quite difficult for me to block him permanantely. I've known him for so long, and we have always been on good terms with one another. I don't initiate contact with him too often, though -- I actually do have pretty good self-control in this regard, mainly because I have a profound fear of rejection, and I'm put off by the idea that I might look even remotely desperate or clingy. He has always commented on my ability to "manage" my feelings so well, and while his opinion shouldn't matter to me, it DOES make me feel better -- and more confident -- that he doesn't regard me as the crazy-stalker-psycho-girl ex.


Keep on keepin' on, D. I think this experience, as painful and awful as it has been, is a huge opportunity for you -- for growth and change. It's a great opportunity to face issues that you haven't really faced up to this point and work on them; there's clearly some really old stuff that you've buried in there for a LONG time, and if ONE good thing comes out of this whole thing, it will be that it has been a catalyst for you addressing these issues and making some healthy changes.

Link to comment

Hello Deavyin, I have been following your journal with much interest over the last few weeks. Can't understand why someone as good looking as you (having clicked the link to your picture is so lacking in confidence with girls. Well done on your decision to block her number and have no contact for good this time. You need to learn to love yourself before you can be with anyone else, but you should try and socialise more and meet more people, this will make you feel happier and more alive and more confident in your life. Your decision needs to be a fresh start for you and this means starting to look ahead and stop going over the last few months in your head. Life is going to be exciting for you with this new start and you don't know what might be round the corner, but it will only be something good if you are feeling positive and giving out positive vibes also take browneyed girl's advice as it seems to be very helpful. Start looking forward from now on.

Link to comment

Thanks for the support guys. It is more difficult for me and i'll break it down in a neurological sense.


Here is how tourette syndrome works: It's kind of like an itch that you just have to scratch. The itch is whatever tic you may have (for me it's blinking) but it also works with the breaking NC thing. If you hold it in, it gets to the point where it's so overwhelming that you just have to do it. The more you hold it in the worse it is when you do let it out. It's very difficult for people who have TS to control their impulses because our brains are wired in a way that we HAVE to do something or it just gets worse and worse and worse. Imagine a horrible itch that gets worse and worse and worse and never goes away if you don't scratch it. It's really a horrible disease to have. I'm glad I have a mild case in terms of my tics but it's still very noticeable and has caused me a lot of my insecurities.


Even now I have this incredible urge to contact her...it truly becomes something that I just can't handle on my own.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...