Heart broken but still friends

[j459]

Well recently I made a post in the dating forum.

I was at this camp and I ended up liking this girl. About halfway through, I told her I liked her, and she said she liked me too. For the last week of camp, she kept pulling away from me more and more, and it felt like I was initiating every type of contact and communication. After I initiated it, it would be fine mostly, but sometimes it still felt like I was driving conversations all the time and what not. Finally, on the last night I asked her why she'd been acting this way (I was afraid to do so sooner, because I thought it might just push her away), and she told me that she had liked me all through camp last year, and after camp last year, it was just very hard for her in general (because she never told me or flirted with me or anything). She didn't want to go through the same feelings again this year, so basically she pulled away the last week. She said that she wanted us to just be friends, and of course, this hurt me a lot (we live like 7 hours away). I can understand why she wouldn't want to go through something like this again. Anyway, after camp I called her after a day or so, and it just seemed like she was still acting the same way, kinda me driving everything again, and she wasn't really talking. About a week later I called her again, and I spilled me guts to her about how I felt, and how it hurt me more than anything else, that she wasn't being a real friend, and wasn't opening up to me whatsoever. Of course, after talking to her about all that, I felt better for the next 3 days or so, but starting last Thursday, I've been feeling like crap again. I really don't feel like bothering her about how I feel anymore, because I'm afraid I'm just going to drive her away, and I really would like us to be friends, if nothing else, because she is such a great person. I really don't know how to move on or what to do. Recently even online, I've opened up to her a few times, and she's said that I can take all the time I need, and she doesn't mind me talking to her about how I feel, but sometimes I just can't tell if that's her being nice, or if she really means it. I'm afraid if I continue spilling how I feel to her, she's going to get sick and tired of it, and it'll really drive her away. I've talked to some other friends about it, but it still isn't the same as the happiness I feel after I talk to her about how I feel...What should I do? I know it'll take me time to move on, and I know I will eventually, but it just hurts so bad right now, especially when I'm trying to do homework or when there just aren't people around. Please post any ideas or any responses, because I only got 1 reply on my last one, and I'm open for any suggestions...

[skeeter]

j459.........I can understand your concern here. But you have to realize something here.... this girl if really interested would respond! Relationships are 50/50 give and take. If not then there really isn't a relationship to begin with.

 

Being able to identify who is your friend and who is not comes from letting go sometimes and seeing if the other comes around. You will continue to drive yourself nuts over this if you continue to be the only one driving!!!

 

The only really advice I can give here is back off.... She may be the nicest girl but if she can't say she wants you to leave her alone and yet she is just a listener then she is only being unfair to you. She may not want to hurt your feelings outright by saying to leave her alone but she is hurting them regardless.

 

You can not control anyone in life. You can only be in control of your own.

 

have you asked her if she wanted you to leave her alone? If she says no because she doesn't mind you telling her how you feel then she is just telling you what she thinks you want to hear and again doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

 

This is usually an immature act and she will grow to be a manipulative type of woman because she can't be honest with herself.

 

Do yourself a real BIG FAVOR.....it seems as though you can't go more then 3 days w/o trying to talk to her... well go find something you like doing and have done before you met her that you are happy with doing and leave her alone for as much as 2 weeks or more. If she contacts you then maybe you have something if not continue moving forward and get over it. If you do not learn how to accept this type of challenge then u will grow to have worse challenges the day you get married and ever get divorced. Learning to be independent and knowing that you can be and happy at it makes life less challenging.

 

We can't expect that it is having a companion that makes life so wonderful and happy...b/c no relationship is ever guaranteed. You can't make anyone happy if you aren't happy yourself.

[i_hate_the_world47]

I understand that you feel hurt.That you want more than friendship or at least friendship,but you must look at it from her view.She has liked you for two years only to ave her heart ripped out at the end of camp.Its hard for her.You must need to give her time and be there for her.Show her how much you care and wan to be a true friend.good luck.

 

~Meagan~

[j459]

Thanks for atleast someone giving me some responses this time

 

Anyway, I have been trying to keep myself pretty busy with work school and everything else that goes on in my busy life these days. But at night, went I sit down to do my homework and such around 9 or 10, I feel it more than ever. About the contact thing, she does initiate contact on instant messanger pretty often, and we do talk fine on there, but I'll try to give her some more space, though it is hard to resist the temptation to just pick up the phone and give her a call. Acutally, I sit there sometimes with my phone on her name in my little phone book, and my finger over the green dial button, but I've done pretty well resisting the temptation to call her, i've resisted for over a week, and I guess thats the first step? Though as I write this, I feel like just calling her again, and maybe I'll feel better for 3 or 4 days like I did last week....

[skeeter]

j459.......... Man I know how you feel...... you care about her and you want reassurance to feel good. But you have to do yourself a favor and rebuild your independence, ur self-esteem, and clear your conscience from this obsessive act or feeling.

 

If you really care about her the last thing you want to do is push her away.

 

Be her friend like she is being to you.

 

If the girl has real serious intentions about you and not telling you at this time then it could be possible she is testing you. Testing to see if you can give her a real friendship before ever anything serious taking place. If you become forceful or obsessive with her she is going to recognize this and disappear. No one wants a person that tries to control them!!!!