for the heart broken people im here to help

[ferna3069]

i am here to give back to the ena community. if you are going threw a break up or anything going bad go ahead and ask me you can post your question or you can pm me. i know that there is times your going to need to vent. and sometimes your going to want some one to vent to the same way i did after the break up.

 

 

 

the way ena helped

when i first came on ena i was in a depression. i barley got out of a terrible break up. i hit rock bottom like i never thought possible. when i first signed up for ena i was only able to eat two bits a day , not eat two times a day but two bites a day. i was only able to sleep for 20 minutes a night and had panik attacks like i never thought i would. i was compltly devistated. i almost got killed, had an allergic reaction and did not get the job i was promised. i mean seriosly every thing whent wrong. i felt like i was a monster for the way things happened. i felt like i was the worst person in this world and eberything thaat happened to me i deserved. i seriosly wonderd why people treated me like i was a good person when they did i thought to myself cant they see how bad i am.when i came here to ena i started to post my questions . when i first signed up on here i came for support. i honestly did not think people were going to give me that support. i thought i mest everything up and i was going to be looked down at. i posted here because i thought i had nothing to loose.i thought that i could learn from my mistakes. when i started getting answers for my threads i started to feel good. i started to see the outside view. i started to depend on ena for the emotional support i needed.i started to see this site as therapy.ena has and will be my own little space. after been in a two year relationship i needed a place to let every thing go. i used it for my depression i used it for my anger and my broken heart.

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Ferna!

[ferna3069]

thank you silver how are you feeling today?

[mouseno4]

Good to hear another can join my cause. Welcome Ferna!

[ferna3069]

thank you mouseone4 it was a tough road but im almost at the end of the tunnel.i want to help people out the way i was helped

[mouseno4]

OK here is your shovel to start digging people out.

 

*hands Ferna a shovel*

[ferna3069]

thanks, *takes shovel* im ready to help more people out

[dolorosa]

Help me because I am about to snap and thinking to quit everything, take my daughter and go, even when I am half way of getting my degree

[ferna3069]

Help me because I am about to snap and thinking to quit everything, take my daughter and go, even when I am half way of getting my degree

 

go ahead and tell me about it im here to help dolorosa whats wrong?

[H2OBaby]

I could use some help to my most recent post

[mouseno4]

Go ahead and make a thread Dolorosa, and (unless its a 1000 word wall of text) i will do what i can to offer advice.

[mouseno4]

And H20Baby, i didnt post in your thread as your subject was way above my head, and there was no possible way i could offer advice. I knew there was nothing i could say that would be of any use. Though i did PM you offering to help.

[dolorosa]

Ferna, I dont even know what to say because my relationship ended without a valid reason, one mnute he was in love and ask me to move together this summer, the next he gives me some silly excuses to break up with me. I was married before, even the end of my marriage did not hurt as much as this. I have been begging, calling, texting and he just do not seem to care, to a point where he will not even reply to any of my attemps to contact him, I need to move on, I am alone in this country so for me is even garder to go and get a haircut, or take hobbies, or meet new people, need to find a way to stay strong. Thanks for reading x

[dolorosa]

Go ahead and make a thread Dolorosa, and (unless its a 1000 word wall of text) i will do what i can to offer advice.

 

Thank you mouseno, I really appreciate any help I can get x

[Silverbirch]

Hey thanks FErna, I'm a bit down today but still plodding along.

[annieperson]

hi ferna

 

I posted my story earlier today and it is my first day on ENA but it has already been so helpful to know that there are actually other people out there that are like me! After a 17 year relationship I am still trying to figure out how my marriage fell apart! Did he change? did I change? No one cheated, no one was abusive. We even both cried our eyes out when it was over. So why is it over???

 

He has a depressive personality where i am more of an extrovert. I guess as things started falling apart I rode the wave instead of fighting to make it work but honestly I felt like why should i be the one comprimising all the time? He would ignore me or say stupid hurtful things and then when I would get upset he would act shocked and wonder where are the hostility came from!! it would drive me nuts!! So yeah i guess I never did anything to stop the relationship from imploding but oh my god the after effect has almost destroyed me!

 

for the first couple of months everything was fine. well maybe not fine but there was so much going on. I bought a new condo, got a puppy, was going to the gym and then all of a sudden everything stopped and I became a blubbering idiot. Every day I was having panick attacks. Depression is something I had never experienced but I literally was in bed for almost a week! I thought I was sick, i thought i was having a heart attack, I thought I had a brain tumor!! I was calling him, texting him and emailing him and literally begging him to take me back!

 

So that left me in a position of being the stalker. Always dropping everything for him, running to him any time he wanted something and if I ever said anything to upset him he would get mad and I would immediately apologize and do whatever I could to make him like me again. i thought i would try to be the perfect girl so he would want me again and I have to admit that we did have some "slips" (you know what I mean). oops! But he always had the upper hand. It seemed like he was having a great time and I was the one suffering. He would tell me how much he was hurting too and he could barely breathe but that he just had to put me out of his head and live his life. How the heck can guys do that!! He had me on a string and anytime he tugged on it I would come running!

 

There were a couple times when I sent a good bye email telling him that I will always love him but for my sanity I had to let him go and he would freak! In one of the emails I sent him his only reply was "I'm destroyed". Then he shut his phone off and when I called his house my son (he is 16 ) said that his dad just went into his room with a bottle of vodka. So of course what do I do ? Go running over there to make sure he is ok. I find him in his bed crying and so I spend the night there making HIM feel better. something to this effect happened every time I tried to pull away. But when I try to ask if he wants to try to reconcile he says that he doesnt think it will work out and that he is just such a different person now and I deserve someone who can make me happy! What the!!!

 

I'm sorry to ramble on but I just don't know what to do. NC is tough because we have a teenage son who we talk about.

 

I hate that he acts like he has a great life while i am here fighting to just get through each day. Please please please tell me it will get better!!

[ferna3069]

wow it sounds like your in the same situation i was in. when my break up happened i whent into a depression.i couldnt sleep i hit rock bottom like i never thought possible. you said that he made you mad and fought with you then he expected you to not fight back? this really reminds me of my relationship. something i learned is do not let them take control of your life. dont let them push you around say what you have to say because at the end you need to know that your worth it. he did not make you the priority in his life. whenever he tries to push you push back. if you let him use you as a doormat and u run after him all the time. his going to think to himself yeah i have her whenever i want .it hurts bad i know but our exes arnt the same person we fell inlove with. let him deal with the break up. let him be with out you. dont call him. if you need to see your soon just a quick hellos will do. but remember there is two sides not only his but yours only. im not saying start a fight no way stay away from figthing but do not let the guy push you and string you along. if you want to talk pm im here. i really want to help you in the situation your in because thats the same situation i was in. and yes it does get better trust m. value yourself before u value others

[annieperson]

Morning Ferna. Thank you for responding to my post. It is good to know that I am not alone because it can definitely feel like you are the only person going through any of this. I am trying to learn that I matter too and although that would seem like an easy thing to do to most people, it is almost impossible for me! (right now)

Every day does get a little bit easier though and I am going to try the tips that everyone posts. I may need to vent or seek some advice along the way so dont be suprised if I call out to you! Thanks again

[ferna3069]

you welcome and about venting vent to me as much as you want . i know how hard it when your broken hearted. you only want to see the good in the other person and have a hard time seen the bad. ether that or u dont want to see the bad. it gets better along the way. been broken hearted is a terrible feeling but it gets better

[mistojen]

Ferna - I went through that same thing with the two or three bites of food a day and barely any sleep. Now I've moved onto sleeping entire days away (which is not exactly an improvement) and I'm able to force myself to eat at least one meal a day, even if I don't feel like eating at all and nothing sounds good. I'm halfway through day 2 of NC with my ex (although tomorrow I will have to break it, because he has no car but needs to move his toddler's things out of my place, so if letting him use my car means getting it out sooner so I can move on, then so be it) and my final straw was when he asked me to come stay the night with him. We slept together, but for the first time in ages, it was all about him. Usually when we slept together he was all for making sure I was pleased but that night, he didn't care at all. I'm talking differences between begging to reciprocate my fellatio on him to saying nothing and instead gagging me by shoving my head further down and then going from missionary to anal and not stopping when I started to complain that it hurt for lack of lube. He slowed down and spit on me but really it was all about him. I'm not gonna cry rape on the guy because I didn't tell him to stop and it only really hurt toward the end and up until then I was enjoying it, but that made me so angry that I decided not to stay the night (two people trying to fit on his TODDLER'S twin-sized bottom bunk with one pillow? Yeah, real comfortable). When I told him, he got mad at me and asked why I was leaving. I said I couldn't sleep. He said "fine, whatever," and rolled over. When I offered for him to stay with me for the night in the bed we've been sharing for a year and even went as far as to offer him a ride to work the next morning because it's on the way to where I was going around the same time, he said he didn't feel like packing up clothes and he'd see me later. That was it and I'd had it. The only contact I plan on having with him in the near future is to get the rest of his crap out of my apartment before I have to throw it out (I'm not paying storage fees for his junk when I move out at the end of this month).

 

TMI and blah blah blah.... What I mean to actually get down to it with is...how long did it take for you to get back to normal sleeping and eating habits? It's easy for me to be tired all day when I'm unemployed but I'm starting a new job soon and it's not like I can pass out halfway through it and wake up an hour after it's over or anything, you know? Also, I know it's not healthy for me the way I've been eating. Nothing sounds appetizing so I've been subsisting on a bowl of ramen noodles a day. I figure there's no point in spending money I barely have on food that won't even taste good to me and there CERTAINLY is no reason to put effort into cooking something I won't even enjoy. Am I going to be in this rut forever or what? lol

[ferna3069]

your not alone with this mistojen. it sounds like your ex is a selfish person. i know that even though there is bad at times we dont want to let them go competly because we still love them. its normal.for you to feel down. it took we about two months and a half to finally be able to eat and sleep right.i went out and spend time with family. watched movies with my bigger brother.something that really helped me out was when my ex gfs mom one of the person who helped get me into a depression told me off. she answerd a question on a fake yahoo account i had. she started making up a whole bunch of things that never happened.this is when i snapped out of it and saw that it wasnt all my fault. i finally saw that me getting mad at times was just a way to deffend myself.because i mean no one likes to be used. i guess what im saying is look at the way the relationship was.look at the way you where mad at times because he did things with out thinking about you,we are like animal. we deffend our selves when we feel hurt. dont blame yourself for the break up because its a 50 percent of both peopls fault.look at the way hes treating you thinking about what he wants not caring about what you want.use that as a way to heal and look at the reality he doesnt care about you he cares about himself

[corgidude]

You won't be in this rut forever, though this phase might take a while to get past. I hit that same phase where nothing sounded good to eat, and I barely had an appetite when I did. The easiest thing I found to do was to just start drinking smoothies instead. It kind of helps put you past that whole "don't wanna eat" mentality, because you're just drinking something instead. -Plus the fruit and protein powder actually gave my body more of what it needed. Even still, I dropped a fair amount of weight in about 2-3 weeks. As far as sleeping habits... I spent a few weeks on a sporatic sleep schedule. I'd come home, walk the dog, click on the TV, and would just lie on the couch and watch. More often than not, I'd fall asleep for a few hours, wake up, eat, walk the dog, and a few hours later, just sack out on the couch again for the night. It wasn't an ideal sleep schedule, but as I was able to sleep the night through, it leveled out again.

 

Don't let yourself get caught up in sleeping the day away. Make yourself get outside and enjoy any sun you can get... it's a proven fact that sunlight actually makes us feel better by causing your skin to produce either Vitamin D or Vitamin E (don't remember which) which is a mood booster. Find whatever you can to get your focus on something other than your ex.

 

I can honestly say, from how he treated you the last time, he isn't worth letting your life fall apart for. His actions in bed proved that he doesn't even view you as a person he respects, just as an alternative to masturbation. He didn't care about your feelings, your pleasure, or whether or not you were hurt physically or emotionally. It's best if you avoid letting yourself be in any situation where you and he are alone again, just so he doesn't have the option to debase you like he did this last time. If he's coming over to pick up his things, have a friend there hanging out with you when he arrives. And don't give in to his requests to come see him or stay with him. He just wants to use you for sex, and will play on your emotions to get exactly what he wants. And I know that in your heart of hearts, you know that someone who would view you like that isn't someone worth pining away for.

 

Keep your chin up, and focus on finding the things in your life that make YOU happy. Keep coming back here anytime you're uncertain about something, need some words of encouragement, or just want to vent if needed. People here are always willing to help if they can. Good luck!

[Meriem]

I just wanna know what do you do in those moments when your heart aches and hurts SO badly, I feel like that I hit rock bottom and I feel like there's noway I'll feel better or get through this, then next day BAM i'm alright and I feel much better, but it looks like the only way I can feel better is if I kept hitting rock bottom over and over again, is this normal? Is it okay to go through this and does it stop? I really can't take the idea of living like that forever, falling apart and falling back in over and over again

(However those falling apart days hit me less and less with time, it's not nearly as bad as the first few weeks, and it has been a little over two months now since the breakup (and this is the third time we broke up but this time I'm not going back I can't stand the feeling of falling down and picking myself back up again, it's the last time I'm SO determined to get over this guy who caused me so much pain))

[ferna3069]

its normal to feel this way. when you love some one so much your going to hit rock bottom when everything ends. i know how you feel there is days that i feel like nothing happened but days that i feel like crap/ something that also helped me was looking at my side. noticing that my brother was here for me. all this time i been falling apart for some one that treated me like crap at times and never realised the most important thing. the people around me. i know a brother or friend is not the same thing as a boyfriend or girlfriend but they are the ones that stick by you when every one else walks away.so look at the people around you. everything gets better. and know that its ok to feel like crap/ if you want to vent you can post here or pm me. im here i know how it feels to want to vent to vent to some one and not have some one to vent to

[Meriem]

thank you ferna, that's really sweet of you, I have a biig family and I do enjoy spending time with my sisters when we just laugh and act funny, I forget about the breakup at these times.

Lately I realised the more I try to "resist" the pain the longer it stays and the worse it makes me feel, so everytime it decides to pay me a visit I let it pass me and i stop being so afraid of facing it, one day it'll go, one daay...........