Timefornc Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I have fought for a long time to get my relationship back. No success. And pretty much been ignored for three months. My question is I am done now, it's not worth to keep hurting myself and I wonder if I now disappear will the likelihood increase of them finally opening up increase now they are not getting thier constant ego boost? I'm not sure i want them too, but if they haven't for that period of time surely they must have given up ages ago? Link to comment
daredevil Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I don't quite understand the post, could you explain further? Link to comment
CMS Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 when you finally disappear, there is a better chance that they will miss you, but don't throw all your eggs in that basket. When you finally disappear, you can start to regain your self respect, start healing, opening doors to other possibilities with other people, if you finally disappear. So please disappear from her life Link to comment
Lea5251025 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I want completely disappear too. But there's a public page have all my music/film/book and latest status on it, and my ex would be able to check if he wants. I don't want him to check it as I've cut everything off from him and he didn't attempt to contact in any way. But to give up that page just because of my ex is something I don't want to. Sigh. Link to comment
Timefornc Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 when you finally disappear, there is a better chance that they will miss you, but don't throw all your eggs in that basket. When you finally disappear, you can start to regain your self respect, start healing, opening doors to other possibilities with other people, if you finally disappear. So please disappear from her life Thanks. What I was trying to say Is I am not sure I want her to now. She didn't take the time to explain when I needed her too, so now I don't I wondered if she would be more likely. As a dumper, could she have been waiting for me to stop fighting? Link to comment
CMS Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Its possible but it really does not matter anymore, she broke up with you, accept it that you are broken up with. Closure may or may not help you move on but disappearing will. Disappear so that the dust settles, disappear so that she might start to miss you but most importantly, disappear so that you can heal. What you had was not working, disappear and spend some time to figure out exactly what your part is in this breakup (it always takes 2 to break a relationship, cheating excluded) and fix it, not for her but for yourself, do it so your future relationship may benefit from this. Link to comment
whatsthedeal Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I haven`t tried to contact him in 22 days now.. He never iniated nor did he want us to remain friends after the BU, for some reason. I had done nothing wrong, well in the sense of betraying him or anything, he had just decided its not what he wanted anymore. I feel better doing it then trying to keep contact. However i wonder whether he wonders whats going on with me.. but i hope that this NC will eventually lead me to completely forget and move on. Link to comment
iBroken Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 You are clearly doing NC in hopes that it will bring your ex back. Thats not the purpose of it. Only your ex knows what your distance will do to her. Its nothing a forum can answer for you. Everyone is different Link to comment
CMS Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I haven`t tried to contact him in 22 days now.. He never iniated nor did he want us to remain friends after the BU, for some reason. I had done nothing wrong, well in the sense of betraying him or anything, he had just decided its not what he wanted anymore. I feel better doing it then trying to keep contact. However i wonder whether he wonders whats going on with me.. but i hope that this NC will eventually lead me to completely forget and move on. It will but only if you allow it to, erase him from your life, remove any and all things that remind you of him but most importantly, accept the breakup, only then will time help you heal the wound. Link to comment
Timefornc Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 You are clearly doing NC in hopes that it will bring your ex back. Thats not the purpose of it. Only your ex knows what your distance will do to her. Its nothing a forum can answer for you. Everyone is different Fair dos. But I'm not. I have no hope that a reconciliation will happen. Just don't want any games now I given up Link to comment
John Doe 22 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Fair dos. But I'm not. I have no hope that a reconciliation will happen. Just don't want any games now I given up If thats the case then why come here and post about wondering if you will disappear if that the likelihood of them opening up would happen? Link to comment
twitchyfingers Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I think it's natural curiosity to wonder how the ex will react when you disappear, and also to be ambivalent about them possibly reaching out to you. Timefornc, it's going to vary from person to person. Some exes get curious or come back around after they've had quiet-time from the dumpee. Others, like mine, don't. But either way, NC will help you, as you know. Link to comment
Timefornc Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 Thanks, basically just wanted to be prepared. It took me this long to realise it's over over I just want to make sure I know what I'm doing if there is any hiccups Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I'm in the middle of a breakup where unfortunately i have to see this person all the time. He has tried to transition to friends only while acting out... and I can tell you this. Going NC is avoidance. Now, I am not speaking to the ex after reacting to his little ways to tick me off since, but it's just so he knows that this behavior is not acceptable. Neither is mine actually. If you can't handle being civil with the ex, then not talking to them is the way to go. However, vanishing so they can come back does not work... and you are holding on to someone that did break up with you. Link to comment
Timefornc Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 I'm in the middle of a breakup where unfortunately i have to see this person all the time. He has tried to transition to friends only while acting out... and I can tell you this. Going NC is avoidance. Now, I am not speaking to the ex after reacting to his little ways to tick me off since, but it's just so he knows that this behavior is not acceptable. Neither is mine actually. If you can't handle being civil with the ex, then not talking to them is the way to go. However, vanishing so they can come back does not work... and you are holding on to someone that did break up with you. I just realized I posted this in the wrong section. No wonder it doesn't make sense. I'm going nc because I have tried for so long to sort it out and I'm over being ignored so i want to move on. She has not contacted me whilst I have tried to talk, so I doubt very much she will now I'm not. Which is a good thing. Link to comment
endy Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I just realized I posted this in the wrong section. No wonder it doesn't make sense. I'm going nc because I have tried for so long to sort it out and I'm over being ignored so i want to move on. She has not contacted me whilst I have tried to talk, so I doubt very much she will now I'm not. Which is a good thing. I went through this once. Although we did catch up at a later time, she had no interest in getting back together. I pretty much damaged the relationship beyond repair. I chase and I chased. It took me a year and a half after the chasing to get over her because of all the pain. The truth is I was causing so much suffering and pain for myself. I brought it on myself by not going NC. This is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. I still have slight feelings for any girl I've ever loved at one point. That doesn't mean I want to be with them again though. It's normal, just give up hope and let go. At that time I thought there was nobody else I would love as much. This last one... even though a short relationship I loved much more. So yeah, there's someone else out there to love, and that will love you just as much. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I want completely disappear too. But there's a public page have all my music/film/book and latest status on it, and my ex would be able to check if he wants. I don't want him to check it as I've cut everything off from him and he didn't attempt to contact in any way. But to give up that page just because of my ex is something I don't want to. Sigh. How about you delete that account and start a new one with a username that your ex doesn't know? Or you could just keep that account - because if it is your ex that checks that page, wouldn't it be his problem, and not yours? However, if you find yourself making certain statuses just to give him a message of some kind, then it would probably be better to stop using that site, at least for the next few months. Link to comment
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