cardinalsings Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 So, I had posted a while ago about how hurt, betrayed I felt, and devastated I was at what I learned about my ex. I still am doing my best to recover from the most disappointing point in my life to have discovered my ex has a new girlfriend who WAS my friend and is my understudy of my professional play and happens to live ten minutes from me. Either both of them or she tried to hide it from me for a long time. Neither of them came to me to let me know what was going on and she even continued to pretend to be my friend when I saw her at softball games and just was nice to me the whole time and never told me a darn thing. It was sneaky and perhaps cowardly on her part. I don't know why he had no respect to even tell me anything nor respect not to go after a girl he knew I really liked as a friend and who was my understudy! Anyway, I knew she was leaving for a few months to go work somewhere a few hours away so I texted her to let her know how much she hurt me and how I didn't even understand how she could date a guy who she bashed herself after hearing all my stories of how he treated me and then after meeting him, telling me how odd his family and friends are, how strange he is with how he can twist people's words, and how annoying he is.....I let her know just what I thought of her in a classy, formal, professional manner. I told her she was obviously desperate which I always noticed before and that she had to be desperate to be the type of person who acted as a friend to me, knew I confided and trusted her, and comforted me and then turned around and did something so terrible as to date my ex of four years only about three months post BU! She didn't really apologize. She sounded like she felt nervous to talk to me because of what she did, but also based off what she said, she was nervous I assume mainly through worry for herself because she knew she said some bad things about her now-boyfriend and probably was worried I'd go to him with the info. She couldn't admit to herself what she did wrong. She kept picking pieces of what I wrote to her and not being able to see the large, main point at hand maybe because she didn't want to...maybe she knows she is a bad person somewhere deep down. I can only hope. I let her know she really disrespected me and she and I are clearly of two different breeds of people because I would never have done what she did. I'm smarter, kinder, and better than that. Anyway, the main point of my post, is that before I spoke to her, my ex had went on my profile after probably a long time of not doing anything on my profile, and liked a photo and a video of mine. And that was around the time I think he knew I already discovered about him and her, but I had not yet confronted her. So, the other day was my birthday and I assumed he would text me happy birthday (I blocked him from writing on my walls or seeing what friends write me....so I realized he couldn't do it on facebook), but he didn't contact me. I was really surprised. The only thing I can think is that wow, he already doesn't remember my birthday....even though his cousin has the same one and his parents have their anniversary on it...and even though he went on facebook on my birthday....Otherwise, he chose not to say happy birthday to me which is so disrespectful. I mean, we dated for four years. I don't understand why he wouldn't say it to me. I'm deeply hurt. And his birthday is coming up next week and I don't know what to do. Should I still text him a happy bday text? I never had intention not to in all honesty, despite all he has done to me. Will I seem the bigger person and make him feel like an a** for not saying anything to me on mine? Will he just think I'm not over him?....I don't know what to do. And I'd also like opinions/advice on why he didn't wish me a happy birthday? I can't really come up with any reason unless he seriously forgot or she told him what I told her and he is mad that I spoke to her and what I said....but everything I said was true, professional, and honestly nothing he could get upset about. My beef was all with her and I never discussed what an a**hole he is. I'm sure he knows I had every right to say something and every right to be upset. And, I kind of think she didn't tell him anything of our text-talks. So, I don't know why he wouldn't text me because the boy I knew would have texted me because he wants a girlfriend who doesn't get upset if he texts his ex-gf happy birthday. Also, it's not like she would have known if he had............ Link to comment
mad rabbits Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Well, if he's going to do the sneaky and cowardly exit on you, he isn't going to wish you a happy birthday, and yeah possibly not even remember it... OR he doesn't want to contact you at all for fear you will tear him a new one...OR he just isn't going to, because he's an ex now. And no, don't wish him a happy birthday. Whatever the details, he's in your past now, so leave him there. Link to comment
iBroken Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 He chose not to as you are no longer an item and he is seeing someone new. He didnt forget your birthday but unfortunately, he is not obligated to send well wishes. Ive been in your shoes (dumped a week before my birthday and no text). I get that it hurts, but once you get through this fog, you will see that it was better this way and no harm no foul. Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 He didnt text you Happy Birthday because your an ex. I agree with the other posters, DONT text him Happy Birthday because he's an ex. Simplez Link to comment
cardinalsings Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 Yes I know he is an ex and I am his ex and that is normal reasoning for most people, but I know for him, there had to be more. It seems too strange that he didn't text me. Knowing who he was before the break up, he would have. Can people really change so much. Could it be out of fear of losing his new girlfriend because he thinks maybe I'd stir trouble and that maybe saying happy birthday opening a door of communication to cause problems with their relationship.....or she'd find out somehow and get upset? Or maybe she even told him she didn't want him texting me.....though I doubt the latter. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 People always think they know their ex. They don't. Otherwise they would have seen the breakup coming. He didn't text because he's over you and onto the next one. Don't take it personally. Just work on yourself and accept that he's not coming back. Link to comment
cardinalsings Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 I am just still so in love with him after everything. I don't know how to be. And now, not saying happy birthday to me really broke my heart because it shows how he doesn't even care for me anymore as a person he once knew. Someone told me maybe he feels guilty because of breaking up with me and hurting me so badly by dating my friend and so he doesn't want to say anything to me because he's worried how I'd take it if he wrote me a birthday wish, but I dont think that's the case. I don't think he can feel guilty......he doesn't seem to feel guilty. I can't help feeling like I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel guilty instead of him because I ruined the relationship with my jealousy, insecurities, and fighting. That's why he broke up with me. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Doesn't matter what his reasons are, it's over. And theres no use blamming yourself for the past, you can't change it. The woulda, shoulda, coulda game only leads to a bad place. Accept that he's gone and try to move on. Eventually the pain will go and you'll be in a much better place. Link to comment
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