Torn...

[rich46]

I'm torn between drawing a complete line under the relationship with my ex, or staying friends in the hope that we will get back together.

 

It is such a tough decision.

 

The thing is, I know there is a chance that we could get back together. I'm not just holding blind hope here. Various things have given me this impression:

 

-Just a couple of months ago she said she'd found the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

-She still wants me in her life as I am her "best friend."

-She sent me a text message days after the break up saying "There is still hope for us...I can't guarantee anything but I've been thinking about you."

-I told her jokingly that if we went on a night out and got drunk we'd end up kissing and we'd regret it - she said "who says we'd regret it?"

-She says I will ALWAYS be the most important person in her life.

 

...I know all of these things could also be interpreted as the usual danger signs like 'leading me on by a string,' 'her keeping one foot in the door,' 'having her cake and eating it,' and so on. That is why I am really confused.

 

It has been 18 days since I calmly explained that I couldn't be her "best friend" right now as I need to come to terms with what has happened. I told her I would send her a text message or something when I felt a little more ready. Ready for what though? I haave made progress in the 18 days, and while I still cry sometimes and I feel sad, it is better than speaking to her everyday and listening to what she is doing.

 

My problem is I don't know what to do next.

 

If I draw a line under the relationship it might help me heal and move on quicker, although it will be painful in the short term. However, I may regret not trying to stay in touch in case we end up giving it another go. I really think that she is 'the one' so I desperately want her to change her mind.

 

If I follow myjoy's strategy outlined in another thread, then that obviously involves staying friends with her, building up the positive moments with her etc. I believe this could work, but am I prepared to risk being hurt in the long run if she decides to be with someone else?

 

It is such a complex situation - and all these thoughts about the 'next step' are driving me mad!

 

Does anyone have any advice on my situation?

 

Thanks a lot,

 

Rich

[Gunther]

I would still keep in contact with your ex, but dont try to get back together that is not a good idea. Try to find someone else, just dont flaunt it to her if you do find someone else though

[rich46]

Hi,

 

Thanks for replying |OCS|Virus. I know what you are saying, but I really don't want anyone else!

 

Anyone else got any advice?

 

Thanks!

[Maverick44]

Of course you don't really want anyone else.

 

We've all been there. We want the person who broke up with us or we at least did want that person.

 

BUT - what are you going to do? Wait around forever? Man, look, she broke up with you. What are you supposed to do? You're not supposed to be waiting for her.

 

I dont know about you but for me 18 days wasn't enough time to get over my ex. I still haven't spoken with her about 11 months. I miss her, think about her, etc... Do I want to be with her? Good question. Couldn't answer that.

 

Go work on yourself, some hobbies, etc.....Don't you all play cricket or something in England??

 

Maverick