Is he losing his interest in me? I am so confused.

[dontknowwhattodo]

Please tell me what to do I am so confused. The guy I am dating calling me less often and far in between. We used to call each other almost every other day and made some plans to get together. Lately, he calls less (basically just return my call if he misses it) and I usually be the one who initiates the plan to get together (we are still great when we are together though, we have a quality time).

 

So I decided to ask him if he was also dating any other girls. He said no and asked why I asked him that qustion. I told him it was because I felt like he was losing his interest in me and distancing away. He then told me we should 'have a talk about it'. It has been a week and there is no sign that we will have that talk (actually we don't have any other communication at all after that). I feel like being left in the middle of nowhere and am so frustrated. Part of me still thinks in a positive way that our lack of comminication due to the fact that we get so busy with work and travel a lot but another side of me telling me that even we are busy, we should make time for the one you like and date. My evil part convinces me that he loses his interest because as far as I know he still has time to do stuff with his buddies. Everytime I ask him to do something with me, he always says yes but it is just he is not the one who initiates it anymore.

 

Should I just stop seeing him cold heartedly? Should I wait for him to contact me or should I contact him and ask when we will have that talk? What should I do?

[goddess23]

hey. okay i totally feel your panic. my bf of 8 months now and i went through a little time when i felt distanced, but it was because i was sick, and not in school and he had rehearsals for a show. and then i had rehearsals lol. so in my case there was genuinely the time factor that caused this. but i was still worried because things had changed. so i talked to him about it, and he reassured me, and things just slowly got back to normal. now in your case, the fact that he mentioned "we have to talk" means that there is something thats bothering him, and he obviously does want to discuss it so giving him the cold shoulder doesnt sound too good. if you both are busy, thats fine for now, but tryyyy to call him and tell him that you're still waiting for that conversation to take place. and let him tell you whats going on. its really tough to just be wondering about where you stand, but he seems to want to get it off his chest, so im surprised that no contact has really taken place between the two of you. honestly even if its just an email or something, try and get to him. dont let this just hang over your head and make you worry and worry. i really feel your pain, i stressed over whther or not to talk to my bf about it because there were genuine excuses, but i was glad i talked to him about it, he told me the sweetest things i could think of. and its good that you did too, so now you need to try and get him to tell you his side of the story.

[ang3l2004]

In my opinion I think that you should talk to him about this,You are together and you dont feel that he is being there for you like he use to be,I think you should ask him why and mabe he will be open and honest with you,Times like these are hard because you probably think it is your fault and that may not be the case at all just give it some time to see how things go but I still think that you should have a nice calm talk with him about this since it is bothering you.

[dontknowwhattodo]

goddess23 and ang3l2004, thank you so much for your opinions.

 

goddess23, you are correct that right now I am less busy than him, so I have more time to let my mind wander around and get crazy. And I accidentally left something out from the sentence I meant to say which is "we should have a talk about it if you are not sure about what we are doing". It had been hard on me before I finally decided to ask him because I didn't want to act like I was paranoid. I didn't want to push him away but I was burning inside and thought about it days and nights.

 

ang3l2004, yes, I am willing to give him time but how long I should wait? Since I have known him, his work only gets busier and it will not go away. He is at the peak of his career. I just wish that when I finally talk to him I will be able to make the point that people make time for their love ones and he doesn't have to sacrify his whole life for work.

 

What do you guys think about that sentence above? Also what do you guys think about he has time for his buddies but not me? Nonetheless, I will try to get a hold on him and have that talk. Thank you so much!

[ang3l2004]

You will know inside of you when you have had enough and it all will come out I say you just talk to him as soon as possible and be honest with him and tell him how you feel so that he knows so that if he feels that you are right then he will do things to change the situation for the better

[goddess23]

hey, np. ok that sentence makes a big difference in what might come out of talking about it. although i will say that him not making any effort to contact you is really wrong especially since you did mention how you were feeling. why was it you guys didnt discuss it on the spot? anyways, and yes i know you think you're being paranoid, but how much can you take? so being concerned in your case was not being paranoid. it sounds like he doesnt want it to end or anything, but honeslty it seems like he is losing interest--keep reading, dont panic yet lol. i dont know your age, if you're pretty young, i would say that is a faze where people change all the time, but you mentioned CAREER lol, meaning he probably isnt 16 lol. but it does seem like he is not making a conscious effort to contact you. and he may love and care for you just as much as before if not more, but it may be that the initial elation has now passed and he doesnt feel the need to talk to you every moment of his day. but going on with no contact like that is just too unbarable, and you should tell him that if hes busy thats fine but to let you know, anyways the advice remains the same about talking to him in detail about the situation.

[Mun]

Hi,

I think that maybe you two spent so much time together that things got a little boring for him and now he is trying to reconnect with "the guys." I think that if you leave things alone and get busy doing your own thing he will start to miss you and start calling you more. I don't think you should keep calling him--do your thing--he will call you eventually.

 

The more you call him and ask questions about the relationship the more needy you are going to look and he is going to spend less and less time with you. Try to act like you don't care and watch what happens. You may be surprised.

[Spirits Away]

We sometimes just don't want a high maintanence girlfriend. It also depends on whether we're enjoying ourselves when we're around the girl. I think he have interest in this relationship, but you might want to work on being an interesting person. Where he'll actually WANT to know more about you. Sometimes when i hang around my female friends, I really got nothing to say to them. Partly because i get a little nervous, but mainly I'm not interested in them. If you can make it so that you're living your life to the fullest, he'll eventually be interested in you, wants to get to know you better, respect you, and like himself also because he's doing a good job in loving you.

 

Also, try not to make it sound like it's his problem for not calling you. Ideally, the word "effort" should not be used in a relationship. You want him to WANT to call you. So think about how you can do that instead of reminding him that he's incompetent about not knowing how to love a girl

[goddess23]

we all know playing hard to get or ofcourse not being needy is essential. but the reason im giving the advice to call is because of the circumstances surrounding their last conversation. with the issue at hand, you need to get some clarity on the relationship. he should understand that, so in this case i say call him and try to get him to talk to you in detail about the situation. ofcourse, in normal circumstances, you need to give him space, as well as yourself, but ya, this is a different situation.

[dontknowwhattodo]

Guys, I want to thank all of you for the advices. And I also want to give you guys the lowdown of what I have been thinking. Well, I personally want to talk to him but as I said it has been really hard on me emotionally and I am so stressed out, so my decision is to not contact him at least for this moment. Your opinions and your goodwills to try to help me mean a lot to me and I really appreciate it. What I am trying to say here is I will talk to him if he wants to talk to me but if he doesn't, then I will just let him go and move on. If there is something wrong between us, he should act in a more mature way to explain or let me know because I deserve it. I am a low maintenace person but I am not a non-maintenance one. I wouldn't be surprised that the more I tried to get a hold on him, the more he would go away, so stopping nagging him may be a strategy to go. He knows where I live, he has my phone number, so if he wants to talk, he will have to make a move. I believe I did nothing wrong and I always be an interesting person. Perhaps it is just his own problem that he needs to deal with. During the past few days I hung out with lot of old friends and had a good time, so I think I will be fine. If eventually he comes to talk to me, I will let you guys know how that goes. Thanks, guys.

[Spirits Away]

good attitude, good solution

[alona125]

Good luck. I think that you are doing the right thing.

[dontknowwhattodo]

so far, we still didn't have any contact or talk. It has been two weeks, so I called him up. We finally agreed to have that 'talk' in the next few days. I didn't know if this would help him drag thing even further because he couldn't give me the exact date/day that the talk would happen. He only said that he would get back to me about the day. Wish me luck guys.

[OceanEyes]

I don't think you did the wrong thing in asking him if he was losing interest in you, especially if you noticed some changes in him. I notice that a lot of people won't ask these things or are afraid of appearing "needy" or desperate. In my opinion, true love means being able to express your fears and doubts. Otherwise, you're always holding back feelings, letting them eat you up inside. If you're always afraid of expressing your hurt with someone, it's not love, it's living a lie basically and not really being yourself.

 

It took this guy two weeks to respond to you? I'm sorry girl, but any man who will make me wait 2 weeks just for something as minute as a phone call and some attention is just not worth my time. It's understandable that he's busy with his career, but it doesn't take a lot of time or energy to give something to the relationship, even small things, every now and then. And after 2 weeks, he's still asking you to wait and not giving you a definite answer. My boyfriend has 6 hours of school every morning and works 30 hours a week. He still makes every effort to spend time with me and do whatever he can to make me happy - even though he's dead tired at night and has to study constantly. So even though 70+ hours a week he's on the go or studying, I still get regular phone calls and every little bit of spare time he has.

 

What I'm saying here, is that it's been my experience in life that no matter how busy or tired you are, if you really want to - you make that extra effort to call. I don't like the sound of your situation, and I think you should probably try to switch your focus away from him for the time being. He's being vague in his feelings, as well as comitting himself to something as simple as spending some time with you. As rough as it may sound, I think you should try and get out of the house a lot more and be with friends, because it sounds like he's brushing you off.

 

I think after a while you'll feel better and gain some clarity about everything. Who needs a boyfriend/ girlfriend who takes 2 weeks to call and still can't make up his mind about a time to meet? If I was in your position, I would try to get out right away.