Statistic!!!

[rich46]

OK I bought the Getting Back Together Again book off Amazon the other day, and was surprised by the following statistic:

 

"Over 80% of married couples separate for two months or longer at some time during their marriage."

 

Now I'm not married, but I have been split up with my ex for 4 weeks now. Maybe I'm just getting false hope, but you can't help be encouraged by a stat like that (if it is true). In fact, the book has been quite helpful in leading me to believe that this separation could be a good thing, but I am scared that I am setting myself up for a fall by believing all this stuff...

 

Any comments? Can a separation be a good thing in the long run?

 

Rich

[the_Monk]

Rich46

 

You know something man, i can honestly and truly say that if my ex and i get back together, this will have been for the better. I lost my way while i was with her, i didn't know what i had, and i truly needed this in order to take her seriously and really, honestly look at my flaws and address them.

 

I feel that this will probably bring us much closer in the long run, i also believe that i'll be able to give her what she wanted, sure it's hurt like hell, but if it makes us stronger, isn't it worth it?

 

I mean, this is an optimistic post, god only knows, we might never get back together, i really don't know...

[skynet74]

During the past month I have been feeling the same way. I've been feeling like this breakup could be for the better. I was with my Ex for 10 years. So obviously there is something there. If we do reunite I feel we will be a stronger couple. Sometimes it takes a break to realize what you had. Sometimes I wonder if she intentionally wanted this split so that I would become a better person and So that I would appreciate her more. I would LOVE to believe that is the REAL Reason. But that's probably just my positive thinking kicking in.

 

 

 

John

[shes2smart]

Guess I'm in the minority on this one. I wouldn't for a second consider getting back together with ANY of my ex-bf's, even though some of those relationships were very good. Once things are over, they're over.

 

I'd be a little skeptical of that 80% statistic--I'd want to know how they got to that number...what was the criteria for "separate"...one might assume "separate" meant a break-up, but did they include circumstances due to a job or family obligations where a couple might be living separately for that period of time? Maybe this was explained more in the book you read, I don't know...but if it wasn't specified, I'd question it.

 

I've seen a lot of posts on this board where people want to get back with their ex, and I'm a bit at a loss to understand it. I've done the back-and-forth, on-and-off thing a couple of times and it's just way too much drama. For me, there comes a point where I know I'm done. That doesn't make walking away any easier, but it does make it final. When it's final, the only option one has is to look forward and move forward, which I believe is the healthy thing to do. It's difficult to move forward if part of you keeps looking back.

[skynet74]

It's difficult to move forward if part of you keeps looking back.

-----------

 

Well if you keep looking back then it must mean what you had was pretty good. Sometimes it takes a break up to fully realize this. My ex and I were together from 1994 to 2004. I sincerely feel that our realtionship is not over. Maybe it looks that way right now. But someday all those negative feelings will fade and the good times will be what she thinks of most. Then I'll get the call.

 

Yeah... I could be wrong. But I know the Ex pretty well. This is her year to go play. After she's done, she still knows where home is. Weather or not I'll invite her back in is a question for the future. We'll have to wait and see.

 

 

John

[freaking out]

guess it depends on how much you love them, and how much you ever loved them. If its the real deal, no amount of pain, drama and suffering is going to stop you wanting them back in your life. You have to realise the distinction between wanting to go back and starting afresh. I dont want to go back - I am not the same person anymore and dont want to be that idiot that let the best thing he ever had slip though his fingers. I want to start a new relationship, one that will be so much stronger and real than before, having faced all our problems and overcome them.

[shes2smart]

Well if you keep looking back then it must mean what you had was pretty good.

 

Maybe in your situation, but not for everyone. I've seen too many people who keep looking back because the future or starting anything new is so unfamiliar and scary they'd rather stick with the crap they know. At least it's familiar and they know what to expect...I guess there's some comfort in that. I was guilty of that myself a few times in my 20's, but in every case all I did was waste time looking back.

 

Even under the best of circumstances, change is difficult and most of us tend to make changes only when we've reached a maximum point of discomfort. I think it's just the way humans are wired. It can be overcome through a lot of work, but I think that's probably our "default" setting. The Universe has the last laugh in that, as change really is the only constant.

 

At any rate, we're all here to learn different things, so we all have different experiences at different times.

 

best of luck to you

~s2s