UPDATE- I need further advice on a breakup!

[Rebecca81]

Hi all!

 

It's Rebecca. I posted about 2 weeks ago about my breakup with my boryfriend Dan. As you may recall, I lied to him about trivial things and he felt incredibly betrayed. He told me he still loved me but couldn't bear to hear my voice, etcetera because it hurt so bad. He said I was the love of his life.

 

Anyway, on Saturday, I called him to see how he was. He was so happy to hear from me and said that I sounded as though I was feeling better as well. We talked for 1/2 an hour and he said that he was so scared when our relationship hit this bump that he freaked out. He said it's like I'm still with him. He doesn't sleep, and thinks about me constantly. He wasnts to get together in the next couple weeks to talk.

 

Later that night, he sent me a beautiful email saying how much he still loves and misses me, but htat he still needs time to digest what happened. He says that he doesn't expect me to wait for him, but to just keep a door open in my heart for him and he will call me soon. He signed it "monkey" my nickname for him.

 

I was delighted that we are both feeling the same way, so I texted him saying that the door was never closed and I love him. Then I talked to him Monday and he was a little surprised. I could sense a little discomfort, not necessarily about me, but he was at work. After we hung up, I emailed him and apologized for calling at work. I explained that I felt awkward and that I just want to be with him. I asked for him to call me that night.

 

So now it's wednesday and he hasn't called. What's the deal? I know how he feels, so why won't he just contact me? What should I do?

 

Love,

Becca

[rnorth]

Princess Becca,

 

One thing, he has asked for time to digest everything. So you need to exercise patience and let him get back to you. You let him know the door is still open and probably didn't need to go beyond that.

 

His contact is very encouraging and I think that you should rest your laurels on that and let him be. He'll get back in contact when he's ready, but for now, respect his space.

 

He has given you two boundaries so far that you can learn and if you play your cards right, you will get a chance to show him that you have learned:

 

1. Be honest with him.

2. Give him space and respect that when he asks for it.

 

Don't worry, it sounds good right now!

[Rebecca81]

Thanks!

 

I think it sounds promising. I never thought it would be this hard to give him space. It is making me crazy, I swear. I have so much to tell him. What makes me wonder is that, when we initially talked after the breakup, I called him first. He was so happy I initiated contact. You still think I should wait a while?

[rnorth]

Yes, wait a little while and let him be. After all, he asked for time and if you encroach on that time, you are not respecting a boundary that he clearly gave you.

 

In the meantime, could you return the favor and look at my situation?

 

 

link removed

[the_Monk]

I agree with rnorth, if he wants time and space the only thing that will get him past it is to give it to him, you can learn from my situation link removed

 

I tried to work around her requests for a break and it ended up doing nothing more than pushing her out the door. She moved out due to my inability to give her space.

 

I suggest going at least 2-3 Weeks of solid NC. let him come to you, this is essential if you want to work things out. They, on their own will, need to come back, otherwise it will never be 'real' and they'll eventually leave again.

 

Good luck, its hard as hell, but if you really love him, you'll do what you have to do to make him happy.

[Rebecca81]

So, I broke down and emailed Dan last night, asking the boundaries of the "time" he needed. I decided to be honest with him, etcetera, and asked him to respond.

 

Well..... he did!!! He wrote back saying that this was way harder than he thought too, and he'd like to get together with me next week to talk things over. He will call when he gets home from his business trip next week to arrange the details.

 

For those of you familiar with my story, I lied about trivial things to him and he was betrayed. I have decided that when we meet, I will be 100% honest, about everything. I am so grateful that things will probably work out. Our relationship is a testament to the existence of true love. Thanks to all for your support and comments. More would be appreciated.

 

Love,

Becca