what to do now?

[Manda2113]

maybe u all will remember my previous post...my bf and i broke up and after 2 weeks of NC, we met up and I gave him a letter b/c i want to get back together...after 5 days, he called me and told me at first that it wouldnt work..but then the more we talked, the more he contradicted that decision- saying he misses me and wishes he could see me...so i asked him if he was sure about his decision and he said no...that he really didnt know what he wanted, and how the feelings were still there for me. after that, we texted a bit, then 2 days later, i asked him if he wanted to get together, and he agreed. we went to a shopping district w/ a pond, got a bite to eat, walked around...then i asked if we should go back to his house and watch tv...he said no b/c he didnt want to do something that would put us in an akward situation, or something that he wants now, but in the morning might regret...and he didnt want to hurt me. i took that as a pretty bad sign...but later he started telling me how im so sweet, such a nice girl, how good i look, how bad he wants to do stuff and he really has to hold back, etc etc. of course, our situation came up too: he says the two things holding him back are 1. he got out of a 3 yr relationship before me not too long ago and has really neglected himself 2. there's an age difference between us...as i am in college, and he's out working...anyhow, when we got to my car, he asked for a hug, and it was so long, and close, and we both were practically shaking...he tried to kiss me, but i stopped him...so i got in my car, but then i got back out and kissed him. i joked around that he should drive safe b/c there were a lot of police out that night (he's a cop)...10 mins later he called laughing that he got pulled over!! then around 1:30, he texted me saying 'thanks for a good night'...he never does that. this guy is so back and forth...what am i supposed to think? do i text him today (i mean, i have a good excuse since he texted me this morning...) any advice is GREATLY appreciated.

[sue184]

I can relate to your situation because I am currently in the same one...

 

It's difficult to know what boundaries to cross and not to cross with your ex, especially if there are issues of getting back together, or remaining in contact. It seems that there are so many "rules" and "tactics" that people say to use to get your ex back, and I don't necessarily agree with most of them, but it depends on your situation.

 

However, it seems that your ex is very back and forth about what he wants. he says one thing, then does another. First of all, that's not fair to you. He obviously knows how you feel, and that you want to get back together. he should not send you mixed signals like he is, because that is just unfair to you.

 

My advice would be to lay low for a little while, take a couple days off from seeing him or talking to him. Hang out with your friends, go out to a bar, anything, jsut keep yourself busy. See if he tries to contact you, see if he realizes his real feelings for you. You don't want to get strung along by your ex, I hate to say it but it's possible that he wants to keep you around because he knows that you're "safe ground" and that you will be there to fall back on. Again, I don't really know your situation well and I might be completely wrong, but it's possible... I would try that and see what his reaction is, if he really wants to get back with you he will contact you.

 

Good luck!

[A5hley]

thanks so much for your advice, unfortunately though, i had already texted him by the time i read it!! we ended up texting the whole day:

 

1 am: he texts, thanx for a good nite

12 pm: i text, looks like from ur message you got to bed late...hope BB didnt wake u too early! glad you had a good time, so did i

4 pm: i text, i got my parking for next semester

4 pm: he texts, sweet!

4:30 pm: he texts, so how u doin?

5:30 pm: i text, haha good thanx, whats up? how are u?

5:30 pm: he texts, a lot is up!

6 pm: i text, haha o jeez mike

10 pm: i text, keep thinkin bout our hug last nite...wat u doin?

10 pm: he texts, the one where u were grinding me, just reading

11 pm: i text, actually no, the one where our foreheads were together and u had ur eyes closed...nice.

11:30 pm: he texts, that was so beautiful and erotic

12: he texts, id like to do that again

12:30 am: i text, me too

 

notice how almost everything he says is sexual? i think im making progress w/ this back and forth communication, but im scared its for the wrong reasons. granted we had a very sexual relationship, and we are both very hormone driven, lol, we had more than that, and if we get back together i want more than that again. if i see him, and we do have sex, or even just hook up, do u think id be making a big mistake? but his last text was how he liked the more "toned down" hug...and THATS the one he wants again...what do u gather from all this?