anyone else experience the 'ex relapse?'

[eliot88]

so, i was doing fine- in fact i was doing great. i got to the place of feeling at peace with the break up (we broke up about 4 months ago)... it was a little unnerving when she called to talk and told me that she missed me (i knew that that wasn't going anywhere) but i dealt. now, for some unknown reason i have been sent, warpspeed, back to my initial feelings after the breakup. these feelings have come up before in short bouts but i can usually stave them off with memories of our fights or the thought that we might be okay in the future- but this time i can't seem to quiet my head.

 

i think i might be feeling like it's been so long since we've really known each other that we're never going to be together again (i've moved several hours away to boot)... i've mourned this relationship once- but maybe not fully- and i sure as hell don't want to do it again. anyone else have similar experiences? or advice?

[spaceandtime]

Flashbacks are common, usually just nostalgia kicking in when things in your new life aren't all running happy-as-larry. My advice would be to let it go by looking at what is in your new life that you can improve to feel fulfilled and whole.

 

If it continues, you might just want to go and confront those thoughts head on, cry them out, and then continue. That might help.

[RayKay]

Of course, they are to be expected. I can go through days and days of feeling absolutely fine about the status/non-status of my current relationship with my ex, then one day (such as this morning in fact) I will wake up and just feel a tremendous weight in my heart and feel all the anxiety come back again too about the future with (or without!) him.

 

My situation is a bit different as I am in regular contact with my ex and there is a friendship and a mutual hope of it working out, but that does not take away my fears either of what may happen, or my sense of loss at there not being a commitment either. I too sometimes worry that we could coast like this forever, and never find each other again in that way. Even faith can lose its strength sometimes!

 

And I still love him with all my heart, I don't have a misguided vision of what was, or what will be, but I do know my love is 100% real and unconditional. It is a tough place to be somedays